The Worst Movies I've Seen Lately

There is no shortage of terrible movies out there.  Here are five I've had the misfortune of seeing within the past few weeks.

1. I Spit on Your Grave (the remake)

The original wasn't good either, but even that film seems like a masterpiece compared to this one.  The plot is weak, the acting is unconvincing, and the director seemed content to merely emulate the original movie.  If you haven't seen either this film or the original, it centers around the assault/rape of a woman who has little common sense, and even less regard for her own personal safety.  The death of one character near the end doesn't even make any sense!

2. Dhoom 2

This is a Hindi film starring Hrithik Roshan and Aishwarya Rai.  Rohan is a globe-trotting thief and master of disguise, and Rai is the undercover cop trying to bring him down.  Of course they fall in love halfway through the movie, but the predictable corniness of this film isn't what makes it so terrible.  The really terrible part is Rohan's disguises, and the fact that the other characters are stupid enough to fall for these disguises.  Rai is stunning as always, and Rohan is a fantastic dancer, but neither beauty nor athletic prowess could save this film.

3. Doom

I bought this on DVD a few days ago.  It was in the discount bin.  Several marine-type guys go to Mars and offend several zombies.  It starts out OK, but it gets stupid really fast.  For trained soldiers, these guys sure are good at getting themselves killed.  The only thing I liked about this DVD was the fact that two of the bonus features were about the computer game.

4. Mirrors

This movie wasn't bad so much as disappointing.  I am a huge fan of Alexandre Aja's remake of The Hills Have Eyes, so I came into this movie with fairly high expectations.  It starts out great, but doesn't seem to go anywhere from there.  By the end of the movie, it bears an unfortunate resemblance to The Exorcist.  I'm hoping Aja's next movie, Maniac, another remake starring Elijah Wood, is better.

5. Drive Angry

Can Nicholas Cage just go away please?  He's great when he's in serious movies like The Lord of War, but awful in every action film he stars in.  If any actor is actively destroying his own legacy, it's Nicholas Cage.  Does he simply accept every script that comes along?  Does he need the money that bad?  I don't know what's going on here, but someone needs to find him a better agent.  Despite a cool bad guy, this movie is really, truly dumb.