Let's dive in, shall we?
Ultraman, the space policeman, crashes on Earth and decides to bond with a human being. In this episode he battles Bemular, a monster he was taking to a "space graveyard."
Thing is, Bemular is the offended party here. Thing's just chilling in a lake, not bothering anyone, and the Science Patrol attacks it without provocation. The record will show that Bemular acted only in self-defense, and its force beams didn't even hit anything. In my opinion it was just trying to scare the humans away.
At the end of this episode Ultraman throws Bemular back into the lake, though it's entirely unclear as to whether Bemular has been killed and/or defeated. Hopefully it had time to recover from this humiliation. I like to think that it did.
Fun Fact: "Bemular" was originally going to be Ultraman's name. They were also thinking about calling him "Redman" before the show hit the air.
2. Episode 2: Shoot the Invader
Unlike Bemular this Alien Baltan is genuinely bad news. He rolls up on Earth real quietlike and blasts unsuspecting humans with a freeze ray that turns them green. NOT COOL, ALIEN BALTAN.
Then he's all like: "I got 2.3 billion MORE of me waiting up on the spaceship, which was formerly huge but is now the size of a bacteria (bacterium?). Oh, and we're lowkey thinking about taking over the Earth."
Long story short: Ultraman and the Space Patrol ARE NOT HAVING IT. Ultraman pushes the now regular-sized ship out of Earth's orbit, and I'm assuming that the ship's occupants, in desperate need of the "Spacium" only obtainable on Mars, later die slow, horrific deaths in the vastness of space.
This one's more slapstick than the other episodes discussed here, containing a humorous subplot involving a black eye. One of the characters even stops to talk directly to the camera.
This kid Hoshino-kun is precocious to the point of needing a spanking. I realize that he's a stand-in for the show's audience, but as a member of the Science Patrol he's a serious liability.
In this episode Hoshino-kun wakes up Neronga, an invisible, electricity-consuming monster that's been sleeping under Edo Castle for a couple centuries. Neronga looks a little like the "mind bugs" from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, but other than that he's unremarkable. Hoshino-kun actually manages to blind Neronga in one eye before Ultraman shows up, but then, being the dumbass he is, he falls down and knocks himself out.
So... they were flying nuclear weapons to Jupiter to "develop" it? In what way? I don't think six nuclear bombs, however big they were, were going to put much of a dent in Jupiter.
And hold up -- there was a race of "underwater primitive humans" that the Science Patrol was aware of the whole time?
Anyway, Ragon is one of the cuter Ultraman foes. It's only too bad they couldn't find music he liked. Maybe next time try the Beach Boys? Or the Surfaris? Or the Beatles hit song "Yellow Submarine," which also appeared in 1966?
Laziest attempt at a monster ever. It's basically a big piece of carpet they cut a hole into. The carpet mouth sprays poison (?) onto people. I'm sure Japanese toy companies, being the completists that they are, have manufactured a Miroganda figure/model at some point, but I doubt that many kids (or adults) have bothered to buy it.
Ultraman pits his might against Guesra, a mutated Brazilian lizard with a love of cacao beans. Yes, you read that right.
And into the bargain there's "Diamond-Kick," a diamond smuggler who tries to kidnap Hoshino-kun and his young associates. I'm assuming Diamond-Kick didn't survive Guesra's attack on the warehouse. The Science Patrol never seems to investigate monster attack sites for survivors.
The Science Patrol has branches in other countries? Japan, France, India and Turkey? Kinda wish someone in Turkey or India had jumped on this. An Indian or Turkish version of Ultraman would have been awesome.
The map one of the Science Patrol members points to puts the "Ancient City of Baradhi" in north Iran, not far from that country's border with Turkey. This lines up with their sighting of Mount Ararat, the place where Noah's Ark came to rest, in the distance. The ancient city's psychic princess claims that Baradhi was once a famous trading post along the Silk Road, and given its location this might have well been the case.
There is of course no "Baradhi" on Google Maps, and searches of "Baradhi" on other sites only led me back to Ultraman. It was an amusing wild goose chase nonetheless.
Plot Twist: Just before Antlar the giant beetle attacks, the Science Patrol visits the "Temple of Noah" inside the ancient city. And what does their god Noah resemble? Ultraman! Hayata, for whatever reason, states that the statue represents one of Ultraman's ancestors.
The biblical connotations of this episode are truly profound, and would shake Western civilization to its very foundations were it not for the fact that biblical scholars don't bother to watch Ultraman.
For some reason volcanism has turned nature upside down on an isolated Japanese island, and the result is... monsters!
Most of the monsters in this one don't even have names. Ultraman comes in and handles sh*t as usual, and at the end there's a lesson about... nature... or something.
Damn shame about that one friendly monster. Thing gets crushed by rocks and no one even bothers to see if it's OK!
Gabora marginally disrupts a boy scout outing, and I'm not sure which is more alarming, Gabora or the tightness of the boy scouts' denim shorts.
And how did the Science Patrol get to that island in a car? Wasn't the bridge out?!?!
The Science Patrol is sent to investigate a lake with an overabundance of fish? Really? Doesn't Japan have a Fish and Wildlife Department or something like that? The trip to Lake Kitayama seems a little below the Science Patrol's pay grade.
This episode is also another instance of Ultraman and the Science Patrol bothering a monster who would have otherwise kept to itself. This Jirahs, like Bemular above, wasn't bothering anyone at the bottom of his particular lake, and if the Science Patrol hadn't intervened there wouldn't have been any trouble in the first place.
Jirahs is, by the way, a modified Godzilla costume. They added a frill to the neck. In the course of their fight Ultraman adds a splash more disrespect to the encounter by ripping off this frill and playing bullfighter with it.
This is one of the weirder ones. Some kids find a space rock that can turn into anything you wish for - as long as you continue thinking about it. Eventually someone steals the space rock and asks it to turn into a monster for "reasons," and after the monster giganticizes he gets knocked out and the monster doesn't automatically disappear.
Wave Monster Gango is one of the more ridiculous Ultraman foes, and that's saying a lot. He seems less intent on wreaking havoc than just f*cking with Ultraman in general, and I appreciate his inability to take their battle seriously.
Mummy wakes up, shoots a few death rays here and there, and is killed by the Science Patrol before the episode's halfway over.
But wait! There's more!
Before the mummy's untimely (second) demise, he summons his dinosaur-bird friend from the tomb where he was discovered, and this dinosaur-bird friend commences to stomp sh*t.
Kinda felt sorry for this monster. The Science Patrol blinds it before Ultraman shows up, and the whole encounter feels kind of cruel. Yes, the monster was destroying a power plant and causing a ruckus, but blinding it felt like a step too far.
12 Down, and 27 More to Go!! Here Comes Our Ultraman!!
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