1. Argylle
Just awful. One of the worst movies I've seen in a long, long time and that's saying a lot. The thing that really killed me, aside from the sappy dialogue exchanged between Bryce Dallas Howard and Sam Rockwell, is that scene where she skates over oil while fighting off bad guys. I can only hope director Matthew Vaughn makes better choices in the future.
2. Dune: Part Two
Definitely better than the first one, but three hours without an intermission is asking a lot. I liked that they showed more of the tech in this film, and also that we saw more of the other planets. The bit on Geidi Prime was, for me, the best part of the movie.
I'd watch Dune Messiah, but if it's even longer than Dune: Part Two I might pass on seeing it in the theater.
3. Damsel
She's a princess but she's tough! It's kinda Disney until they throw her to her death, and after that you wonder what kind of exercise regimen she was pursuing in her princess castle up to that point. I'm guessing that EVERY day was arm day.
If you happen to be a fourteen year old girl you'll be all over this one. If not you'll be wondering why you bothered.
4. Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire
To quote Taylor Swift: "Haters gonna hate." Likewise, monsters gonna STOMP.
I like movies about big, stompy monsters. Correction: I really, really like movies about big, stompy monsters. What's that, you say? Rome is in danger? Hong Kong is about to be destroyed for the thousandth time? The people of Los Angeles are fleeing? There's panic in the streets in New York? Tokyo come in, Tokyo? Tokyo? Whatever it is, sign me up, I'm ready.
My favorite parts of this movie were the blogger's pseudo-explanations and the idea that a team of people, somewhere, possibly working for a national government, decided to make a giant robotic arm for the gigantic ape. I never, in other words, expected any of it to make sense. I was there for the stomping.
5. Kung Fu Panda 4
By-the-numbers sequel to the lucrative franchise. I laughed twice, and the remainder of the movie was forgettable fun. I've got to say, Jack Black kills it singing that Britney Spears cover. No idea whether or not autotune was involved, but it sounded authentic to me.
6. Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga
I'd be hard pressed to say which I like more, Fury Road or Furiosa. Both are really, really good movies. Fury Road has better stunts and a more concise story, while Furiosa is more of a character study that fills out some previously unexplored corners of this universe nicely. I was also impressed with how well this movie ties in with Fury Road, leading into that earlier film almost seamlessly.
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7. Madame Web
The 90s called and they want their superhero movie back. Product placement aside, the characters in this film make so many perplexing choices, chief among them the fact that the bad guy, instead of just moving away from the apartment where he sees his own death occurring, decides to pursue Madame Web an her associates, thus giving them a reason to kill him.
I'd like to say that this movie closed out Sony's Spiderverse, but we still have Venom: The Last Dance and Kraven the Hunter due out this year.
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8. The Fall Guy
Speaking of Kraven the Hunter, Aaron Taylor-Johnson is also in The Fall Guy.
Years ago I was ready to dismiss director David Leitch as another flash in the pan, but he's really proven himself since John Wick. Deadpool 2, Bullet Train and The Fall Guy are all good movies, showcasing a nice blend of action and comedy.
As to what kind of movie The Fall Guy is, it's debatable. Rom-com disguised as action? Action disguised as rom-com? In the end it doesn't matter, because whatever it is The Fall Guy is a lot of fun.
9. The Watchers
Four strangers are imprisoned by supernatural beings in the Irish wilderness. The Watchers was directed by Ishana Night Shyamalan, daughter of M. Night Shyamalan, with Dakota Fanning in the lead role. The reviews were not good but I thought it was OK.
10. Civil War
Several photojournalists journey to Washington D.C. as secession threatens the integrity of the U.S. government. Critics loved it, and it was a big financial success. It's definitely not my favorite of Alex Garland's movies, but given his impressive filmography that's a small complaint.
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11. Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire
Hey, it's the legacy sequel no one was that excited for!
And by the way, is it at all possible that the Ghostbusters are really the villains in these movies? Their presence only seems to escalate any and every supernatural situation. Are we sure most of the major threats present in this franchise would have existed in their absence?
Whatever the case, this newest installment is completely watchable if completely forgettable. Even as I sit here typing this, having finished it no more that five minutes ago, plot details are already rapidly fading from my memory. Something something artifact, something something ancient demon god, something something something. Where Afterlife was slightly more inventive, Frozen Empire retreats further into franchise history, reintroducing characters and situations that were probably best left in the 80s and 90s. It's not bad, but it's certainly a step backward.
12. Monkey Man
John Wick by way of India. Dev Patel, who's had an interesting career trajectory, stars in this film that he also co-wrote and directed. Measured against its budget it is/was a huge hit in every sense of the word, and I wasn't surprised to learn that it's STILL not available in India. I liked it a lot, even if I wasn't as impressed with it as I thought I'd be.
13. The Beekeeper
Jason Statham takes names and kicks ass. It's damn silly, but I can't say it's not entertaining.
14. Deadpool & Wolverine
Deadpool tries to save his timeline with Wolverine's help. If you didn't like the first two this one won't change your mind, but for those who did it's a fun ride. At this point the internet has ruined a lot of the cameos, but even so it's still very funny.
As I write (type, really) this movie is making BANK. It had the biggest opening weekend of any R-rated film ever.
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15. Alien: Romulus
I discussed the Alien franchise not long ago. Taking all those other movies into account, I'd rank this one at #5, behind Alien, Aliens, Prometheus and Alien: Covenant. Alien and its sequel Aliens are of course beyond reproach at this point, but I think that Prometheus and Covenant, even with their obvious flaws, are both more imaginative movies than Romulus.
The script for Alien: Romulus has some serious issues. It starts off well, but some of the characters make truly inexplicable choices toward the end of the film. There are some interesting scenes and ideas in this movie, but despite one of the best new creature designs in this franchise's history I walked away from Romulus wishing they'd worked on the screenplay a bit more. It's not bad so much as subject to certain horror cliches which could have been worked around better.
16. Beetlejuice Beetlejuice
Two of the least interesting hours you're likely to spend in a theater. Tim Burton, Michael Keaton and Co. do their best to resurrect a 80s classic from the dead and fail miserably. I laughed once, only once, and spent the rest of the movie wishing I could get my money back.
They should've given this project to a more ambitious, less orthodox director with something to prove and let him/her run with it. Instead we have a movie that tries very hard to tick off a lot of boxes. Michael Keaton makes this film slightly more bearable, but he's not in that much of the movie.
17. Joker: Folie a Deux
Even more tedious than Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, and that's saying something. It's feels like they were trying to make some point about mental illness but just gave up, delving into "weird" when the story wouldn't work. The cartoon in the beginning makes little sense, the songs wear out their welcome, and for a movie in which characters sing/quote "That's Entertainment" so many times it's anything but.
18. Hellboy: The Crooked Man
After sitting through Joker: Folie a Deux it was a big HELL YES to this movie. Seriously, I walked out of the Joker sequel feeling exasperated.
The newest Hellboy installment isn't awesome, and the poster is terrible... but you know what? It's a thoroughly enjoyable movie. Those responsible clearly encountered some problems in the editing stage of the movie (I'm guessing the chief culprit was the low budget), but Jack Kesy is a convincing Hellboy and the story -- again, given the low budget -- is told in the most economical way possible. The Crooked Man is far from perfect, but I've read the source material and this adaptation adheres fairly closely to the source material while at the same time making some interesting changes.
I'm hoping this one becomes a sleeper hit. There are a lot of other good stories in the comics, and if nothing else I'd love to see Mexican wrestler Hellboy onscreen one day.
19. The Substance
Undoubtedly one of the best, maybe the best horror movie of 2024. Demi Moore reminds you why she's a star, Margaret Qualley is fantastically twisted as her counterpart, and Dennis Quaid (!) is delightfully manipulative as a character named... "Harvey?"
This movie is far from subtle but that's part of its charm. More squeamish viewers will be put off by all the body horror, but do yourself a favor and stick around for the ending. There's a wonderful left turn there, compounded by an unusual lack of restraint.
Director Coralie Fargeat's other feature film, Revenge, is also very good. I highly recommend it.
20. Venom: The Last Dance
I enjoyed it, but then again I went with a good friend and we spent the entire time making fun of superhero movie tropes, weird plot twists and the inexplicable presence of industrial solvents in the middle of a military base.
It's strange to think we've now witnessed an entire Venom trilogy of films. Then again Sony doesn't always make the smartest business decisions, and Venom is, for what it's worth, the strongest character in their "Sony Spider-man Universe."
Kraven the Hunter will be out in a couple months. Aside from that film all other Sony Spider-man projects are in limbo.
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