2021年6月3日 星期四

The Movies of Sylvester Stallone

I have this theory that "the modern film" goes back to 1977's Star Wars.  And no, I'm not going to add an "Episode" to that title.

Or, if not Star Wars, then movies like Jaws and the Rocky.  The first Rocky, by the way, was one the first movies to use a Steadicam, a feature which is evident to those scrutinizing the jogging scenes and comparing them to tracking shots of objects in motion from films of previous years.

Rocky was Stallone's baby.  He wrote it, he starred in it, and he made it happen.  Director John G. Avildsen might have won Best Director for it, but it never would have happened without Stallone.

Aside from the above, I have another theory, that "the modern movie star" dates back to the 80s, to guys like Tom Cruise, Stallone and (of course) Schwarzenegger.  These are the guys who benefited most from the emerging VHS/home video market, and these are the guys who capitalized on the interplay between MTV and motion pictures.  No, these guys weren't putting out videos for MTV, but their movies were very soundtrack heavy, and aimed squarely at the MTV generation.

With all of this in mind I now turn to the filmography of Sylvester Stallone, one of the most American of movie stars.  Both he and Schwarzenegger stand at the center of Reagan's decade, and both he and Schwarzenegger cast a long shadow over the decades of movies to follow.


The 1970s

The Square Root, Downhill Racer, M*A*S*H, Lovers and Other Strangers, The Sidelong Glances of a Pigeon Kicker, Bananas, Klute, What's Up, Doc?, The Prisoner of Second Avenue, Mandingo, Farewell, My Lovely

Stallone paying his dues.  He wasn't even credited for many of these films.  You can see some of them on YouTube.  I watched what I could find (I'd already seen M*A*S*H and Klute), and none of it was particularly good.

The Party at Kitty and Stud's

Softcore porn in which he plays "Stud."  After Rocky became a surprise hit it was re-released as Italian Stallion for obvious reasons.  You can see the trailer here.

No Place to Hide

Stallone's first starring role, released two years before Rocky.  I haven't seen it, and none of the cast or crew members went on to do anything noteworthy.  The full movie is here.

The Lords of Flatbush

I know I've seen this... I just can't remember anything about it.  Something about gangs in New York?  For whatever reason I always get this movie mixed up with The Warriors.

The fun thing about this movie is the story that goes with it.  Apparently a young Richard Gere was cast in a smaller role early on, and he and Stallone did not get along.  At one point this led to Stallone elbowing Gere in the head.

Capone

A bigger role for the young actor.  You can see a bit of it here.  Pre-Rocky he was getting offered more gangster-type roles.  It's weird seeing him opposite Ben Gazzara.

Death Race 2000

A better remembered movie.  Back in the 80s film afficionados might have been familiar with The Lords of Flatbush, but many more people knew Death Race 2000 - and Stallone's appearance in it - from its broadcasts on TV.  David "Kill Bill" Carradine stars, with Stallone in a lesser role as one of the other racers.  It's a very mid-to-late 70s kind of movie.  Roger Corman produced both this and Capone.

Cannonball

It's easy to get your "Cannonball" movies confused.  There were three movies based on the famous cross-country road race, these being The Gumball Rally, The Cannonball Run and Cannonball.  Very few have seen The Gumball RallyThe Cannonball Run was the Burt Reynolds hit, and Cannonball featured David Carradine once again driving a car.  Stallone's brief appearance in the last of these movies is by far the most amusing of his early cameos, given the fact that he shares his scene with Martin Scorsese.  The whole movie is here.

Rocky

The surprise hit that won several Oscars and spawned countless imitations.  It's one of the great 70s movies, anticipating further successes for many of those involved.  Those who put up the money for this production gambled big and won big.

Stallone wrote the script for Rocky in a little over three days.  Everybody loved it.  What they didn't love was the fact that Stallone (via his agents) insisted on playing the lead.  Had Stallone not insisted on playing Rocky, this movie would have starred a much bigger actor and would have had a much bigger budget.

F.I.S.T.

Stallone cemented his newfound reputation by starring in and co-writing this film about labor unions.  Norman Jewison, who'd directed Rollerball the year before, was a good choice for director.  It remains a very overlooked movie that showcases its star's potential.

Paradise Alley

His first outing as director.  This look at the world of professional wrestling was very poorly received, and Stallone himself wasn't enthusiastic about the final product.  He wrote the screenplay before Rocky, but had trouble securing the rights to it later on.

Rocky II

After the first Rocky's ambiguous ending, this was the rematch everyone was waiting for.  Stallone wrote, directed and starred in it, but co-star Carl Weathers contributed a lot in terms of charm.  Definitely not as good as the first movie, but a decent sequel and also the last movie Stallone would make in the 70s.


The 1980s

Nighthawks

I'll agree with Stallone that this look at domestic terrorism was slightly ahead of its time.  It's by no means a perfect movie, but it's still enjoyable.  Stallone plays a New York city cop tracking down European terrorist Rutger Hauer.

Fun Fact 1: Does Rutger Hauer's girlfriend/accomplice look familiar?  That's Persis Khambatta, who appeared as Lieutenant Ilia in Star Trek: The Motion Picture.  She came to Hollywood from Bollywood.

Fun Fact 2: Emerson, Lake and Palmer's Keith Emerson wrote the soundtrack for this film.  It's great.

Fun Fact 3: Stallone ended up directing and editing this movie after many of those involved in the production were fired.

Escape to Victory

Now here's an obscure one.  It was fairly popular during its theatrical run, but faded into obscurity thereafter.  I'm guessing that it wasn't shown on TV much, and that it wasn't widely available on VHS.  A lot of the early 80s "hits" were like that.

It's described as a "sports war movie" on Wikipedia.  I haven't seen it, but the combination of Stallone, Michael Caine and Max von Sydow has me intrigued.

Rocky III

It's easy to get your Rockies confused.  This is the one where he fights Mr. T.  Any kid who grew up in the 80s remembers this movie.  I also, by the way, owned the Sega Master System game.  Most people would put Rocky II above Rocky III, but for me the stakes just seemed higher in this movie.  It's also hard not to love Hulk Hogan's appearance in the beginning.

First Blood

Oh yeah.  This movie was HUGE.  Something about it just hit the nail right on the head.  Stallone as emotionally damaged Vietnam vet, the antagonism he experiences, the stunts, Brian Dennehey and Richard Crenna's commanding performances - it's all there.  America in the early 80s was a nation still trying to process the Vietnam War, and this is a movie that captures that period of national uncertainty.

Fun Fact: David Caruso is in this.  It was his fourth movie.

Staying Alive

This is the sequel to Saturday Night Fever.  Stallone is in it for a second, as is his brother Frank.

Rhinestone

Fucking terrible.  Not as bad as Staying Alive, but still terrible.

Rambo: First Blood Part II

On one level this movie is ridiculous.  Stallone running through Vietnam, abs for miles, dodging bullets like they were wrenches - and always remember that if you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball.  But I digress.  Anyway, yeah, it's ridiculous, but it's still a well executed (if entirely implausible) action movie driven by Stallone's presence, director George P. Cosmatos' skill, and a screenplay written by both Stallone and James Cameron.

Critics hated it, BUT IT KICKS ASS.

Rocky IV

In some ways 1985 was the pinnacle of Stallone's career.  Not only did Rambo: First Blood Part II hit theaters, but around the same time Rocky IV also appeared in local cinemas.  And yes, like First Blood Part II this one went for all the marbles - no matter how implausible those marbles might have been.

Fun Fact 1: Russia?  Nope, they filmed those scenes in Wyoming.

Fun Fact 2: Lundgren was criticized for his aggressiveness during filming.  At one point Carl Weathers threatened to quit after finding himself pinned in a corner of the ring.   Lundgren also hit Stallone so hard that it sent him to intensive care.

Fun Fact 3: The robot in this movie was a real, functioning robot, not a prop.  It was used to treat Stallone's son's autism, and was taken on tour with James Brown.

Cobra

Fuck yeah Cobra.  This movie gets SILLY and that's what makes it great.  Is there a more "80s" movie than Cobra?  I'm really not sure.

Stallone stars as Marion Cobretti, a no-nonsense cop with a thing for axe-wielding cult members.  It's violent, it revels in 80s movie tropes and it's stupid fun.  George P. Cosmatos directed this one too, and Brian Thompson is a great villain.  It was a big influence on Nicolas Winding Refn's Drive.

Fun Fact: This movie started out as Beverly Hills Cop.  Really.  Stallone made his own pitch for that film, and was set to star in it before Eddie Murphy entered the picture.

Over the Top

Stallone attempts to do for the sport (?) of arm wrestling what he did for boxing.  He plays a trucker with an estranged son, and this soundtrack-heavy movie serves as a reminder that yes, even the 80s come to an end.  In terms of quality it's on par with Hulk Hogan's magnum opus No Holds Barred, and like both that movie and Cobra it can be a lot of fun if you don't take it too seriously.

Rambo III

The worst Rambo?  I dunno, in its way it's less mean-spirited than the last two.  This is the one where Rambo joins the Taliban in their fight against the Soviet occupation forces.  I can remember owning the Sega Genesis game.

Lock Up

I know I've seen it but I can't remember.  Couldn't have been that good.

Tango & Cash

Released the same year (1989) as Lock Up, and also features a prison escape.  Kurt Russell was a replacement for Patrick Swayze, who at the time was a hot property due to the success of 1987's Dirty Dancing.  Like Over the Top and Cobra it's silly fun.


The 1990s

Rocky V

The worst Rocky!  Yes, by unanimous decision!  A battered and bruised Rocky decides to train a young boxer by the name of Tommy Gunn.  Somehow the street fight at the end just feels sad.  This movie will make you glad they decided to do Rocky Balboa later on.

Sad Fact 1: Sage Stallone, Stallone's eldest son, played his son in this movie.  He died of atherosclerosis in 2012.

Sad Fact 2: Tommy Morrison, who played Tommy Gunn, is also dead.  He died of AIDS-related complications in 2013.

Oscar, Stop!  Or My Mom Will Shoot!

Really bad.  Don't bother.

Cliffhanger

A return to form.  If you don't get this movie you probably didn't see it in the theater.  At the time it was best viewed on a really screen with a good sound system.  Watching it on a smaller screen isn't the same thing at all.  John Lithgow hams it up throughout.

Fun Fact: There were plans for a sequel centered around... Hoover Dam?

Demolition Man

You don't get more early 90s that this movie.  John Spartan... gotta love that name.  Stallone stars as a supercop thrown into the future, with a neon-haired Wesley Snipes as his criminal adversary.  Taco Bell hasn't won the Franchise Wars YET, but some of us would still welcome in this future if the opportunity arose.

Fun Fact 1: Stallone initially wanted Jackie Chan to play the villain, but Chan turned it down.  Snipes only accepted after rejecting the project several times.

Fun Fact 2: There was a scene in which Stallone fought Jesse Ventura which was cut from the film.

The Specialist

A very forgettable movie.  Sharon Stone was trading on her sexuality at the time, and Stallone had been around the block and back.  The scenes between him and Eric Roberts are good though.

Judge Dredd

Is it as good as Dredd?  Hell no.  Is it the worst movie of all time?  Definitely not.  I read a lot of Judge Dredd comics in my younger years, and at the time I was gratified to see one of my favorite characters on the big screen.  Keep in mind that it was 1995, and we were judging this (heh heh) against earlier comic book adaptations like Batman Forever and Richard Donner's Superman.

Assassins

The only interesting thing about this movie is the Wachowski's involvement.  It was one of the first scripts they sold, and was written around the same time as Bound.  In Assassins Stallone squares off against fellow hitman Antonio Banderas.  It's not great, but not as bad as I thought it would be.

Daylight

Stallone trapped in a tunnel.  Viggo Mortenson's appearance as a sports equipment mogul is kinda fun, but overall this movie isn't very good.

Cop Land

A more dramatic role.  It's cool seeing Stallone opposite guys like Ray Liotta, Harvey Keitel and Robert De Niro.  Yes, Stallone plays the hero, but James Mangold's direction piles on the suspense and the characters are engaging. 

Men in Black, An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn, The Good Life, Antz

Not much Stallone in any of these.  Stallone ended up suing the production company over The Good Life, which actually stars his brother Frank Stallone.  He voiced one of the ants in Antz.


The 2000s

Get Carter

I've seen it but I can't remember.  Couldn't have been good.

Driven

I've also seen it but can't remember.  Race cars, yeah, I remember race cars.  That's it.

D-Tox

Have I seen it?  Not sure.  From the Wikipedia entry it sounds like a disaster.

Avenging Angelo

Haven't seen it.  Sounds terrible.

Taxi 3

This one I remember.  It's a fun little movie, but Stallone's only in it for a second.

Shade

It got decent reviews, and Stallone plays the heavy in it.  I'll probably check it out one of these days.

Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over

I remember this movie very well because my daughters were young at the time and they watched this movie endlessly.  It's for kids, it's ridiculous, but it knows what it is and who it's for.  Stallone plays the villain.

Rocky Balboa

GREAT movie.  Probably my favorite in the Rocky series.  I love the interactions between Rocky and Paulie in this movie, and Stallone's willingness to humble his character for the sake of the story.  I have that "nothing hits harder than life" speech committed to memory.

Rambo

Rambo mows down a bunch of guys in Myanmar.  Didn't this hold the record for most onscreen deaths for a while?  Maybe it still does.  It's not so much that it's a bad movie, just that it's completely forgettable.  After a while the violence has a numbing effect, and the movie just passes you by without your being aware of it.  It's not as bad as the most recent Rambo, but that's not saying much.

In my opinion the problem with the Rambo series is that it never stays true to the character as laid out in the first movie.  By the end of First Blood we see a very damaged man who faces a long road (forgive the pun) back to a normal life.  But from First Blood Part II onward the character is little more than an excuse for another war movie.  Don't get me wrong, I love First Blood Part II - it's one of the most 80s movies ever - but in dramatic terms they probably should've stopped with the first one.  First Blood Part II could have been centered around a different character.

Kambakkht Ishq

Stallone was in a Bollywood movie!  Only for a few seconds though.


The 2010s

The Expendables

This kind of nostalgia was always lost on me.  So what if all these guys from the 80s are starring in one big 80s action movie circlejerk?

Fun Fact: Terry Crews' part was almost played by Forest Whitaker.

Zookeeper

Stallone voices the lion.  I haven't seen it.

The Expendables 2

Still an 80s action movie circle jerk, but I think it was better than the first one.  As a child of the 80s I have to admit that it was cool seeing Stallone and Van Damme in a movie together.  Arnold Schwarzenegger, or "Trench Mauser," also has one of the funniest names ever.  On the negative side, Chuck Norris looks too old to have been much use to anybody.

Bullet to the Head

Walter Hill.  I've liked a couple of his movies, but this is not one of them.

Escape Plan

They made THREE of these?  Really?  I had no idea.  Stallone buddies up with Schwarzenegger again (they appeared together in Expendables 2), and the two of them try to escape a super prison.  It's a decent movie.

Homefront

Stallone wrote it.  I've seen it but I don't remember much aside from James Franco being a good villain.

Grudge Match

TERRIBLE movie.  It's so terrible it manages to tarnish the impressionS left by both Rocky and Raging Bull, two indisputably great films.  At first I was going to say I hadn't seen it, but then I realized I'd repressed the memory.

The Expendables 3

My favorite of The Expendables movies, if for no other reason than Mel Gibson.  He's genuinely scary in this film, and his scariness makes the final fight much better.  It was the least profitable of the Expendables movies, but I think what put a lot of people off at the time was just the PG-13 rating.

Fun Fact: There will probably be a fourth one.  At the time of writing Statham, Stallone, Banderas and Lundgren are still signed on for this project.  The list of their potential costars is a who's who of 80s superstars which includes Pierce Brosnan.  They seem to offer this franchise to anybody who was anybody back in the day.

Reach Me

Haven't seen it.  The reviews of this low budget drama are not great.

Creed

After the first Rocky and Rocky Balboa this is my third-favorite film in the franchise.  Like Rocky Balboa it explores the relationships between fathers and sons, with Michael B. Jordan starring.  Just forget that Rocky V exists and watch this instead.  You can always go back to Rocky V later.

Ratchet and Clank

Stallone voices a robot.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Stallone plays Yondu's pirate adversary.  I'm not a big James Gunn fan, but this movie is OK.  It should be noted that Stallone will appear as King Shark in The Suicide Squad, also directed by James Gunn.

Animal Crackers

Another kids' movie.  Stallone voices "the human cannonball."

Escape Plan 2: Hades

I remember it being bad.

Creed II

Not as good as the first one, but that's not surprising.  In terms of quality I think it belongs next to Rocky IICreed III, directed by Michael B. Jordan, should hit theaters next year.

Backtrace

Never heard of it.  The idea of Sylvester Stallone and Matthew Modine starring in a movie together seems weird.

Escape Plan: The Extractors

Also hadn't heard of it.  Is it accurate to say "direct-to-video" about a movie released in 2018?  Wouldn't "released on streaming service" be more accurate?

Rambo: Last Blood

One of the last movies I saw in a theater since both the coronavirus and the Trump presidency put the world into a blender.  I really wanted to like this one, and the previews looked good, but it goes from semi-realistic to ridiculous very quickly.  And no, it's not an enjoyable First Blood Part II kind of ridiculous.

Stallone was accused of xenophobia after this movie was released.  I don't think that criticism was fair.  Yes, releasing this movie alongside Trump's "build the wall" rhetoric was bad timing, but anyone who thinks parts of Mexico AREN'T that messed up needs to read some of that country's recent news stories.

What really rubbed me the wrong way about this movie was the granddaughter character.  Something about the way in which she dies, and also  the way in which Rambo deals with this situation is very, very crass.  And that ending?  I couldn't help but laugh.

Fun Fact: At one point this was going to be a science fiction movie, with Rambo leading a team across the border to pursue a genetically modified creature.  Maybe they thought that premise was too similar to Predator?

One Night: Joshua vs. Ruiz

Boxing documentary which Stallone produced.


The 2020s

Samaritan

Kids' movie about superheroes.  Guess who's playing the washed up superhero from yesteryear?  Production was delayed due to COVID-19.

The Suicide Squad

Stallone joins the DCEU.  It should be out next month.  It would have to be REALLY bad to be worse than the first one.


The Good, the Bad and the Execrable

So, with all of the above stated, which movies should everyone see?  And which movies are best avoided?  I would break it down thusly:

Excellent: Rocky, F.I.S.T, First Blood, Rambo: First Blood Part II, Rocky IV, Demolition Man, Cop Land, Rocky Balboa, Creed

OK: Everything else.

Don't Do It To Yourself: Staying Alive, Rhinestone, Rocky V, Oscar, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!, Grudge Match, Escape Plan 2: Hades, Rambo: Last Blood

And that, my friends, is all I have to say about Sylvester Stallone.  Writing this entry has brought back a lot of memories, and searching through Stallone's filmography has given me at least a couple movies to seek out.  Can you guess whose filmography I'll be discussing next?  Perhaps another cast member from The Expendables franchise?  A certain Austrian-born ex-politician known for his bodybuilding prowess?

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