"I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" by Tucker Max
"Dave 'So, would you ever let a guy eat out your ass?'
"'Tucker 'No, I'm not gay. And that would be weird.'
"Dave 'Right, but if you aren't looking you'd never know if it's a girl or guy.'
"Tucker 'I don't know about you, but I usually look at the people who put their tongue in my ass.'
"Dave 'What if your girlfriend started it out, but then a guy moved in and finished? You would never know'
"Tucker 'I mean, I don't know, I guess... but... what kind of girl would... look, I'm not gay.'
"Dave 'You know, gay guys give the best head. We teach female porn stars how to do it.'
"Tucker 'I don't doubt that, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm not gay. I don't like dick. Except for mine, of course.'
"Dave 'I like yours too.'
"Tucker 'That's pleasant.'"
This book came out in 2009, and was made into a movie that I probably won't bother with because all of the naughtiest bits (i.e. everything that made this book funny) would never make it into anything short of porn.
The author, Tucker Max, is a self-described asshole. He is also an alcoholic and an abuser of women. This book is supposed to be autobiographical. I don't know what to believe.
I'm sure that I wouldn't like Tucker Max in real life. I'm sure he wouldn't like me either. He is like all those guys I couldn't get along with in college. Too drunk, or too stupid, or too self-absorbed. This isn't because I haven't ever been too drunk, or too stupid, or too self-absorbed, but my own forays into binge drinking, stupidity, and other vanities could never even approach the monument to self-destruction that is Tucker Max.
All of the above said, this book is hilarious. I'm sorry that human beings like this exist, but happy that I found this book. Does that make sense?