The Plot: A few narcotically disinclined students stand up against the whitest gang Los Angeles has ever seen. Remember Adam Baldwin? No relation to Alec? I'd forgotten all about him as well.
Where Are They Now?: After appearing in Stanley Kubrick's Full Metal Jacket the following year, Baldwin was cast in countless supporting roles over the next several decades. He's also done a ton of TV and voice work.
Besides Baldwin, Mario Van Peebles and Gina Gershon might be familiar. Peebles plays the leader of the school's black gang, a group of better-dressed dudes who add absolutely nothing to the plot, and Gershon plays one of the Cobrettes, the female branch of the Cobras.
Overall: Three O'Clock High followed a similar trajectory, but did so much better. This movie suffers from bad editing and worse sound.
2. Act of Vengeance (1986)
The Plot: Charles Bronson and Wilford Brimley square off for control of a miner's union in this TV movie.
Where Are They Now?: Bronson and Brimley have gone on to their great reward. Ellen Burstyn is still one of the best actresses working today. A fun thing about this movie is the appearance of Keanu Reeves toward the end. He was around 22 at the time, and Act of Vengeance was one his earliest onscreen roles.
Fun Fact: Bronson turned down Lee Marvin's role in The Delta Force to do this movie.
Overall: It's WEIRD to see Bronson and Burstyn onscreen together, but he holds his own and the story, based on an actual incident, is compelling.
3. Alison's Birthday (1981)
The Plot: Australian giallo? Something like that. A young woman's dead father warns her away from her coming nineteenth birthday, and as you can imagine the strange occurrences multiply from that point on.
Where Are They Now?: Nobody in this movie went on to Hollywood fame and fortune. Most of them, in fact, had their careers firmly behind them, in the 1970s. The lead actress's claim to fame is (briefly) playing Mel Gibson's wife in Mad Max.
Overall: It's an extremely forgettable retread of Rosemary's Baby with a twist ending thrown in.
4. Amityville III (a.k.a. "Amityville 3-D" or "Amityville III: The Demon") (1983)
The Plot: A skeptical investigative reporter buys the titular haunted house. You can probably guess the rest. The elevator scene is damn silly, but it builds up a decent amount of tension over the course of 1.5 hours.
The ending of this movie, by the way, freaked me the f*&k out as a kid. I'd forgotten the name of the film, but that bit with "the well" gave me nightmares for the longest time.
Where Are They Now?: You may recognize scream queen Candy Clark from appearances in Blue Thunder, The Man Who Fell To Earth and American Graffiti. She'd go on to bit parts in many films and television shows. Her most recent screen appearance was in 5 Weddings, a movie I haven't seen.
And hey look! Meg Ryan and Lori Loughlin! Ryan would of course go on to bigger and better things, and Loughlin would play Rebecca in the Full House TV show several years after this movie. She was arrested in a big college bribery scandal a few years ago.
Director Richard Fleischer had quite a history in Hollywood. He started directing in 1946 and ended his career with 1987's Million Dollar Mystery. He directed a lot of good movies, but he directed a lot of bad ones as well. It may surprise you to know that the same guy who directed 10 Rillington Place, Soylent Green and Fantastic Voyage also directed The Jazz Singer, Conan the Destroyer and Red Sonja.
Overall: It's not bad. The Amityville franchise was never one of the better horror franchises, but I think I can say that this is one of the best entries in the series?
5. Android (1982)
The Plot: A mad scientist creates an android on a space station, a group of escaped criminals arrive, and that's about it. Most of this film is shots of people walking down corridors.
Where Are They Now?: Klaus Kinski died in 1991. The Hollywood phase of his career is not remembered fondly. His last movie was Kinski Paganini in 1989.
Don Keith Opper (a.k.a. "Max 404") would go on to appear in the Critters movies.
Brie Howard, who plays the female escapee here, has the most interesting biography. She was lead vocalist for the band Fanny back in the 70s. In the 80s she was doing TV and low budget movies like Android, but she's also had quite a career as a drummer.
Overall: One of the most uninteresting science fiction movies I've ever seen. There might have been a big, German, philosophical, World On a Wire-type story somewhere in the script, but there's little evidence of it in Android.
6. Misunderstood (1984)
The Plot: Gene Hackman stars as a widower in North Africa trying to reconnect with his sons.
Where Are They Now?: Gene Hackman retired from acting in 2004. He co-writes historical novels with another author now.
Henry Thomas appears in The Fall of the House of Usher series. At the time he did Misunderstood he was still well known for his role as Elliott in E.T.
Director Jerry Schatzberg was a much bigger deal in the 70s. He didn't do much in the 80s.
Overall: Hackman gets angry, Thomas mopes around, and the ending tries to jerk tears it hasn't earned. If I were you I'd give this one a miss.
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7. The Annihilators (1985)
The Plot: A gang of sadistic, atrociously dressed thugs terrorize a small town, and it's time for a team of Vietnam vets to take back the streets.
This movie reminded me of how big the Missing In Action films and The A-Team were, and how large the Vietnam War loomed over the 80s.
Where Are They Now?: Most of these guys were television actors. The most famous of them might be Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, who played "Boom Boom" on Welcome Back Kotter.
Overall: It's super low budget, and it often veers into Troma territory. I recommend cracking a cold one and spending an afternoon with The Annihilators. It's good for a few chuckles.
8. Ator: The Fighting Eagle (1982)
Miles "Tarzan" O'Keefe and Laura "Emmanuelle" Gemser in the same movie? With Joe D'Amato directing? F%$king sign me up, man! I knew I'd be all over this film in the first five minutes.
The Plot: Ator, a character that's NOT Conan the Barbarian, does battle with the Spider Kingdom.
Where Are They Now?: Miles O'Keefe's "acting" career seems to have ended in the early 2000s. His Wikipedia entry sayeth not what he's up to now, if anything.
Laura Gemser is something of a mystery. She's still alive somewhere, but it's hard to separate online rumors from fact.
Joe D'Amato died in 1999. His career was very, very long and he experienced more ups and downs than most.
Overall: Where The Annihilators is so bad it might be good, Ator is so bad it's definitely good.
Further Viewing: There's a whole series of Ator films. Welp, there goes my weekend!
9. Ator: The Blade Master (1982)
The plot of this one is even murkier than the plot of the first. Part of it rips off Conan the Barbarian, and another part is so ridiculous you'll be laughing out loud.
The Plot: Ator uses the sciency power of sciency science to secure "the nucleus," an atomic weapon created by a scientist who enjoys wearing robes and handing out platitudes that don't make a great deal of sense. "After death all levels are the same." Sure, dude, have a great day.
Where Are They Now?: Lisa Foster, who appears in this movie as the scientist's daughter, went on to a career behind the camera as a visual effects artist.
Overall: Even more gloriously terrible than the first movie. Could've used more boobies and/or gore, but then again it had to pass the Italian censorship board...
10. Iron Warrior (1987)
The third film in the Ator series, with Alfonso Brescia directing instead of Joe D'Amato. Also much higher production values in this film -- perhaps to its disadvantage?
The Plot: A freshly braided Ator does battle with... a witch? An evil goddess? I just watched it and I'm not entirely sure. This one feels a bit like something film school students might have made over a weekend. More style and less substance.
Where Are They Now?: Alfonso Brescia was never in danger of winning an Academy Award. He passed away in 2001.
Overall: It's not as delightfully silly as the first two Ator installments. Those responsible wanted to buy the rights to Conan the Barbarian and continue that series, but once they found themselves unable to do so they made this into another Ator film instead. Keep your eyes peeled.. that set look familiar? Yes, that's the seaside town from 1980's Popeye!
I won't be reviewing the fourth Ator film, Quest for the Mighty Sword here, because it came out during the following decade.
11. Scared to Death (a.k.a. "Scared to Death: Syngenor" and "The Aberdeen Experiment) (1980)
According to Wikipedia the director created the monster suit first, after having seen Ridley Scott's Alien.
The Premise: A monster lurks beneath the streets of Los Angeles, and a private investigator is charged with tracking it down.
Where Are They Now?: Director William Malone went on to do Creature, House on Haunted Hill and FeardotCom.
Overall: I'm not exactly sure what it is about this movie, but it feels like porn is about to break out at any moment. The "Syngenor" (synthesized genetic organism) looks kind of cool, but overall Scared to Death lacks atmosphere and resembles too many other movies.
Fun Fact: There was a sequel, Syngenor, in 1990.
12. Avenging Force (1986)
How did he go from the bayou to the "headquarters" to the mansion? Were they all right next to each other?
The Premise: Michael "the Dude" Dudikoff and the black guy from American Ninja take on folk-rock band Pentangle, best known for their song "Basket of Light."
Kidding about that last part. "The Pentangle" are a group of rich white dudes who like hunting "the most dangerous game," and OF COURSE they end up hunting Dudikoff, and OF COURSE he turns the tables on them before the end credits begin their inevitable roll down the screen.
Where Are They Now?: The Golan Globus team brought director Sam Firstenberg over from -- you guessed it -- American Ninja. He continued to direct lower budget films up until the early 2000s.
Michael Dudikoff is still around. Like Sam Firstenberg he's doing low budget movies.
Steve James (the black guy) died in the 90s. He had even more Golan Globus cred than Dudikoff. Besides appearing alongside Dudikoff in American Ninja he also appeared alongside Chuck Norris in The Delta Force. Avenging Force was supposed to be a sequel to The Delta Force, but things didn't pan out that way.
Overall: How do you like your 80s action cheese? This movie ticks off all the boxes save gratuitous nudity.
13. Parasite (1982)
Demi Moore, before she was famous, and Cherie Currie from The Runaways!
The Premise: A doctor (Virologist?) creates a parasite with the disadvantageous habit of killing its host.
Where Are They Now?: Director Charles Band went on to a long, long series of horror movies you've probably never heard of.
Demi Moore is still going strong. Her next movie, The Substance, sounds like it could be interesting. I always felt that G.I. Jane was a really underrated film.
I kid you not, these days Cherie Currie's main job is making chainsaw sculptures. She still does movies and music, but yeah, chainsaw sculptures.
Overall: Shades of Cronenberg, but neither intellectual nor icky enough.
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14. Wavelength (1983)
Cherie Currie again, this time paired with pre-Revenge of the Nerds Robert Carradine. Oh, and a soundtrack by Tangerine Dream!
The Premise: A young woman receives a telepathic S.O.S. from aliens trapped inside a government research facility.
Where Are They Now?: Robert Carradine divides his time between low budget movies and low budget TV shows. His last big movie was Django Unchained, which he's only in for about a minute.
Overall: This movie will remind you a lot of John Carpenter's Starman. VERY few Hollywood movies are completely original, and are often the product of several botched attempts.
I'd give Wavelength a passing grade, but the military's actions toward the end don't make a lot of sense. Besides this, more effort should have been put into the aliens' appearance.
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15. Basic Training (1985)
A Skinemax movie if there ever was one. It goes from zero to nude before the opening credits start rolling.
The Premise: A young, prudish woman goes to work at the Pentagon. Forays into sex and sexual harassment ensue.
Where Are They Now?: Nobody in this movie went on to do anything of note.
Overall: You wouldn't know it from the YouTube comments, but this one is pretty bad.
16. 2020 Texas Gladiators (1982)
Mad Max via the rapidly contracting Italian film industry.
The Premise: The Rangers dispense justice in a post-apocalyptic wasteland.
Where Are They Now?: Director Joe D'Amato is discussed above. None of the cast members went on to fame and fortune post-2020 Texas Gladiators.
Overall: Crucifying the priest in the beginning of the movie was a nice touch. Aside from this a very forgettable movie.
17. Schizoid (1980)
The Premise: A killer stalks women attending group therapy sessions.
Where Are They Now?: Klaus Kinski is discussed above. Surprisingly enough, Christopher Lloyd is also in this. He'd go on to do Back to the Future of course, and most recently he appeared in the third season of The Mandalorian.
Overall: A by-the-numbers slasher pic that doesn't offer much of a plot twist.
18. Beyond the Seventh Door (1987)
Man, what a weird-looking dude.
The Premise: A thief fresh from prison tries to rob a castle... and finds himself caught in a trap!
Where Are They Now?: Lazar Rockwood more recently appeared on the Witchblade TV series. His costar Bonnie Beck never escaped the low budget horror genre.
Overall: Wall-to-wall terrible acting and an uninteresting story. Watching this one was a chore.
19. Lensman: The Secret of the Lens (1987)
The CGI in this one hasn't aged well. It seems obvious to me that someone in Japan saw Tron one too many times, and their attempt to blend Tron-style CGI and anime isn't always successful.
The Premise: Star Wars meets the Green Lantern Corps?
Overall: Along with Act of Vengeance above and Evilspeak below this is one of the three genuinely good movies here. In terms of the genre it's unsurprising, but I think E. E. "Doc" Smith would have been happy with the finished product.
20. Evilspeak (1981)
The Premise: A young man bullied in military school finds the answer to his dilemma in SATAN.
Where Are They Now?: It may surprise you to know that the star of this movie, Clint Howard, is director Ron Howard's younger brother. He still does bit parts in movies and TV.
Overall: Clint Howard is a good actor and the direction was competent. They just needed to turn up the volume a bit -- make the headmaster more sadistic, the bullies more calculating in their cruelty, and the protagonist more pathetic. Had they done so the "payoff" at the end would have been even more satisfying. Evilspeak is a good movie, but with a slight nudge it would have been even better.
Fun Fact 1: The church where they filmed this movie burned to the ground three days after filming was concluded.
Fun Fact 2: None other than Anton Levay was a fan of Evilspeak.
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