The Neverending Stories: Still More 80s Movies 4

2025年8月14日星期四

Still More 80s Movies 4

Liked It

1. Flashpoint (1984)

Two U.S. Border Patrol officers discover a lot of money in the desert. The script was well written, and anchored by standout performances by Kris Kristofferson and Treat Williams. If you can overlook a couple plot holes it's very good.

Bonus points for the Tangerine Dream soundtrack.

2. Shaolin Drunkard (1983)

Hong Kong kung fu cinema at its weirdest. Sometimes the comedy in this type of movie is too "Chinese" to be accessible to Western audiences, but this one is right on the money. Fight choreographer Yuan Woo-ping would go on to choreograph Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, the Matrix films and Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2.

For me the highlight of this movie was the practical effects, which are extremely inventive. It's silly, sure, but doing things like the magic battles on a smaller budget isn't easy.

3. Angel (1984)

Prep school student by day, streetwalker by night. Angel treads a thin line between exploitation and a heartfelt story of a girl's lost innocence, and even though it doesn't always walk this line successfully it's definitely entertaining. In my opinion the scenes that venture into John Waters territory make up for the parts of the movie that don't quite work.

4. Tough Enough (1983)

Dennis Quaid stars as an aspiring musician who enters the Toughman competition. It's a solid sports drama, though I get why it wasn't a big hit at the time. In many ways it's very backward-looking, with the soundtrack and working class cowboy theme recalling several hits of the late 70s.

5. Wildcats (1986)

Goldie Hawn coaches varsity football in an inner city school. With the NFL preseason underway I was happy to stumble upon this one. Good performances, a solid story, and its heart in the right place.

Critics hated this film. It's far from perfect, but I think that those revisiting it will find a lot to like. Sure, Hawn had kind of done this role in Private Benjamin years before, but she did it well in both movies.

Fun Fact: This was Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes' first film.

6. Tuff Turf (1985)

James Spader contends with school bullies. I like to imagine this movie happening somewhere in the background of the Double Dragon video game, with the Lee Brothers advancing through the various levels as James Spader and Kim Richards' characters attempt to realize their star-crossed love in a nearby alley.

Fun Fact 1: Robert Downey (Jr.) is also in Tuff Turf. At one point Spader leaves "The Warehouse" and you can see "The New Avengers" spray painted on the wall next to the exit.

Fun Fact 2: Kim Richards and her sister Kylie are now better known for their roles on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

7. Hawk the Slayer (1980)

Hell YES Hawk the Slayer! It's got:

A brooding hero with Members Only hair.
Bad guys who look like they're surfing a New Wave of British Heavy Metal.
A synth-driven disco soundtrack.
A sweet, sweet sword.
A villain played by none other than Jack Palance, who'd already played this same character in countless Westerns.

Is it Conan the Barbarian? Perish the thought! Is it Excalibur? Not even close! But just the same Hawk the Slayer has a lot to recommend it, and I think if you're in the right mood it'll put a smile on your face.

8. Force: Five (1981)

An elite team of martial arts badasses take on a cult. It's basically Enter the Dragon remade for the 80s, and the karate/kung fu mayhem it represents made me nostalgic for the days of throwing stars, nunchucks and Inside Kung Fu. The most famous guy in Force: Five is probably Benny ("The Jet") Urquidez, who appeared in two of Jackie Chan's films.

Fun Fact: The character "Ken" in the Street Fighter video game series was modeled on Joe Lewis, the star of Force: Five.

9. Silent Rage (1982)

Small town sheriff Chuck Norris squares off against an unkillable maniac. Silent Rage isn't nearly as good as The Delta Force, that height of 80s action cheese, but as Chuck Norris movies go it ranks near the top. Ramping up the sex and violence was the right move, and the story works without needing Norris to emote.

10. Demons (1985)

Just what you'd expect from anything stamped "Argento," though he only wrote the screenplay. In Demons several people attend a film screening wherein all hell -- literally -- breaks loose. Those who enjoy giallo's trademark gore, stunningly beautiful women and dreamlike chase sequences will find plenty to like in Demons.

Fun Fact: This was directed by Lamberto Bava, Mario Bava's son.

11. Demons 2 (1986)

Demons or Demons 2? It's a close race between them. Demons takes place in a movie theater, while Demons 2 takes place in a high-rise. Demons 2 is more inventive in some ways, while Demons has a more cohesive plot.

Actress Asia Argento, Dario Argento's daughter, was only 10 when they filmed this movie. From #MeToo, to allegations of sexual assault, to signing a petition on Roman Polanski's behalf, to a doomed relationship with Anthony Bourdain -- she's had quite a history.

12. Gregory's Girl (1981)

Young and extremely Scottish people search for love. It feels a lot like something that would have aired on the BBC at some point, but the characters' pointed awkwardness will probably remind you of yourself at that age -- assuming you're not that old right now.

Warning to North Americans: You'll need the subtitles on for this one. Those are some thick accents.

It Was... OK

13. Irreconcilable Differences (1984)

Sure, Shelley Long, just invite Sharon Stone to live with you and your movie husband, Ryan O'Neal. I'm sure he won't bang her.

The biggest problem with this movie is that after the first ten minutes the remainder is a foregone conclusion. Ambitious young white people fall in love, have a kid, pursue careers, become estranged, etc., etc., etc. There's no room left to be surprised by this movie, tongue in cheek as it is, and thus no dramatic tension.

Add to this the fact that there's almost zero chemistry between the two leads, and what's worse their relationship (or lack thereof) with their child, played by Drew Barrymore, is never really demonstrated in the movie.

No, Irreconcilable Differences isn't terrible, but it is deeply unsatisfying. If they'd leaned into the comedy more it could have been good, but instead they chose "dramedy," and that path didn't work at all. Weirdly enough, Ryan O'Neal makes this point in the very film that demonstrates it.

14. Deep Space (1988)

Equal parts The Blob and Alien, this horror confection is formulaic enough to be fun, and nonsensical enough to be interesting. Gotta love how various individuals just remove biological material (i.e. "space monster eggs") from a crash site without really thinking about the implications.

Deep Space is similar in some respects to 1979's The Dark, which was also reviewed here recently. Was psychics warning detectives about future events some kind of thing in the late 70s/early 80s? Maybe so.

15. Mortuary (1982? 1983?)

Bonus points for Bill Paxton, but this slasher film is fairly derivative. It would have been better if they hadn't shied away from the sex and violence so much, and instead doubled down on the more disturbing elements in the story.

What would have happened to "Christy" if she'd been injected with that embalming fluid? Could have been a memorable scene...

Didn't Like It

16. Intruder (1989)

Slasher movie set in a supermarket. Given the number of people working in the store, you wouldn't think that the killer would be such a problem, but hey, slasher movie logic.

Sam Raimi, Ted Raimi and Bruce Campbell all make brief appearances in Intruder. Don't think that's some kind of seal of quality, however. In 1989 Sam Raimi wasn't the hot commodity he would later become.

17. Black Eagle (1988)

America's favorite ninja master Sho Kosugi struggles mightily with the English language while Jean-Claude Van Damme panders to the female gaze. The real issue with this movie is that the first 3/4 of it are crushingly boring, and the showdown between Kosugi and Van Damme near the end is a huge letdown.

This film was released the same year as Van Damme's breakthrough movie Bloodsport, but just the same it's JCVD before his career really got going. In this respect Black Eagle's a lot like the following year's Cyborg, in that JCVD's particular formula hadn't been discovered quite yet. Post-Kickboxer? Yeah, that's when he was more of a presence in the industry.

Fun Fact: Sho Kosugi's first screen appearance was as an extra in The Godfather Part II.

18. Dreams Don't Die (1982)

Higher production values in this TV movie, but it's really boring. A graffiti artist tries to win his girlfriend back from the local drug dealer, and you can probably guess the rest. None of the actors/actresses are especially convincing in their roles, though Paul Winfield does a good job as a beat cop who tries to teach the kids the error of their ways.

I... Have... Regrets...

19. Zone Troopers (1985)

Somehow this movie makes even less sense than Intruder (above). Some World War II types (the least soldierly soldiers to ever soldier) run into aliens behind enemy lines in Italy. You might recognize Tim Thomerson or Art LaFleur from other movies they've done since, but this one is very, very boring.

Why go all the way to Italy to film this nonsense? Was someone laundering money?