2019年8月2日 星期五

An Incomplete List of Weird and Ridiculous Things in Flash: The Silver Age Vol. 4 (1966ish)

It was the late 60s, and this stuff was written for kids.  Gardner Fox and John Broome wrote most of it, with the great Carmine Infantino at the drawing board.



1. The Flash can move fast enough to dodge bullets, but if he hits a piece of paper while he's moving at super speed it knocks him out.

2. Captain Boomerang actually tried to shoot Flash into orbit using a boomerang.  And it almost worked.

3. There is "another dimension of space" full of psychic beings, and some of these psychic beings travel to other "dimensions of space" purely for the sake of blowing shit up.

4. The villain Abra Kadabra isn't just able to give his "magic" to other people, Flash is later able to transfer this "magic" into a lamp.

5. Barry Allen's fiance Iris is an idiot who somehow can't figure out that he's the Flash.  Even when Barry disappears and the Flash appears a moment later.  Every.  Freaking.  Time.

6. Captain Cold doesn't just make stuff out of ice.  He can also animate the things he makes and use them to attack the Flash.  The Flash is able to escape these creations by "vibrating faster than light."

7. The Flash is able to travel several times the speed of light and yet no time dilation occurs.

8. When the Flash moves a group of criminals at speeds faster than light they somehow develop telekinetic powers.

9. The Flash takes the criminals' telekinetic powers away by moving several times the speed of light in the other direction.

10. #7-#9 above were all in a single 12-page issue of The Flash.  The writer was really smoking the good stuff when he wrote that one.

11. Flash villain The Shade controls a "dark dimension," populated by "dark animals."  These creatures are able to follow commands and interact with our world, but are exempt from physical law as we know it.

12. Iris's uncle invents a way to make plants larger, with the side effect that they explode soon after.

13. Professor Zoom (a.k.a. Reverse Flash) has created his own "science of ultra-speed" based upon "speeding electrons and other sub-atomic particles to fantastic rates."

14. Certain individuals like the Flash are without any tendency toward criminality.  They are the ubermensch spoken of by Nietzsche.  Their every action is in alignment with Kant's categorical imperative.

15. When a super speedster travels forward or backward in time, they still need to worry about how much time they spend in a past or future era.  Otherwise they'll be... too late?

16. Laws in Central City are created and enacted in an almost arbitrary fashion.  And when the mayor of Central City decides to make super speed illegal, the Flash complies with this law and does not question it.

17. The Flash, although able to move at superhuman speeds, can be imprisoned in a cone of "ultra-radiation."

18. Over time the Flash builds up something called "haywire speed," which makes it impossible for him to control his powers.  This haywire speed must be drained away by giving his super speed to other people.

19. Even though the Flash's real identity is supposed to be secret, he's able to get people hired on at the Flash Museum.  And STILL Iris has no idea that Barry Allen is the Flash, despite the fact that she's an investigative reporter.

20. As a way of averting a "giant planet-wide explosion," Flash and Kid-Flash race longitudinally and latitudinally over the surface of the Earth, covering every inch of it (including the oceans) with some kind of explosion-preventing spray.

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