The Hulk's Less Threatening Foes

All the Hulk really wants is some alone time.

But instead of just leaving him be, the U.S. military is always shooting missiles at him, making other Hulks out of his DNA, or otherwise getting in his face.  It's a sad thing, really, especially since Leaving Hulk Alone would be the best national defense strategy ever.

And on top of the U.S. military and General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross, there are all these other guys trying to get in on some of that Hulk action.  Guys like The Leader.  Guys like The Absorbing Man.  Even guys like Iron Man, who should probably just stay home and stop trying to shoot Hulk into space.

Some of these characters are better known than others.  Offered here is a short list of Hulk's lesser known foes.

1. The Follower

The Follower's power is gamma-enhanced stupidity.  He'll occasionally try to build super weapons to fight the Hulk, but these super weapons are always shoddily constructed and never work.  While his dreaded Lego Gun was a source of irritation to the Hulk, in the end it didn't hurt him at all, and it caused the Hulk to remove The Follower's diminished head from his body.

2. The Transmuting Man

The Transmuting Man's power is the ability to transform other, inanimate objects into his own human tissue.  In other words, if he touches a rock it becomes this ball of living, pulsating flesh.  When battling the Hulk, he will often transform nearby vehicles into blobs of neurons or (at best) skeletal tissue that he's unable to lift.  It's a disgusting power, really, and this is why The Transmuting Man isn't invited to more super villain parties.

3. Ladyboy Hulk

After a drug and alcohol-fueled weekend in Bangkok, Bruce Banner's attempt to "party like it was 1999" resulted in Thailand's first super villain, Ladyboy Hulk.  Although green and super strong, Ladyboy Hulk prefers karaoke and Celine Dion recordings to battles with the Hulk.  Bruce Banner is Facebook friends with Ladyboy Hulk, though he continues to list his relationship status as "complicated."

4. Doc Phil

Thinking that relationship issues were what drove the Hulk to his acts of destruction, General Ross used Bruce Banner's gamma technology to create Doc Phil, a sensitive, balding version of the Hulk.  Appearances to the contrary, Doc Phil quickly proved himself to be one of the Hulk's greatest foes, and after appearing on his television show, the Hulk was brought to tears by the gamma-enhanced psychiatrist.

5. The Green(er) Hulk

Unknowingly exposed to gamma radiation while aboard the Rainbow Warrior, the Green(er) Hulk is an environmentally aware, super strong citizen of the Earth.  While acting against the military-industrial complex and corporations everywhere, the Green(er) Hulk is also displeased with the Hulk's acts of environmental destruction.  He never actually fights the Hulk, but rather lectures him on the benefits of "going greener, going vegan, and lowering your carbon footprint."  Such lectures have often driven Hulk to the brink of suicide.

6. Ang Lee

The deadliest of Hulk's many adversaries, Ang Lee often attempts to cast the Hulk in sensitive, character-driven films with lots of dialogue.  All the scenes featuring the Hulk in Ang Lee's movie were filmed against the Hulk's will, and were actually attempts to kill the director, filmed without the Hulk's knowledge.

7. Other Villains

I would also be remiss if I left out the J-Foes, who are just like the U-Foes except they come from Japan, the Rainbow Hulk, who is not only "proud" but also married to Flash nemesis Rainbow Raider, and The Thang, member of the Funkadelic Four, who plays bass and sings backup on "Mothership Connection."