Some Good Ones
1. The Batman
No, I wasn't blown away by it. I thought it was good, but they could've cut an hour out of it and had a much better movie. My favorite part was the car chase. As beautiful as Zoe Kravitz is, my least favorite part was Catwoman. I never felt like she was integral to the plot, and removing her scenes would have gone a long way to achieving that two hour runtime.
For me the most frustrating part was the ending, which wasn't quite the plot twist it was made out to be. I feel that those looking for this type of story - a story of revenge taken to its extreme - would be better served by David Fincher's Seven, which is a far better film.
Is The Batman good? Yes, I would say that it is. But it's not The Dark Knight, not by a long shot.
2. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
Critics complaining about the pacing don't know Sam Raimi. Go back and watch Spider-Man 2 - that's Sam Raimi. Go back and watch Army of Darkness - that's Sam Raimi too. He was obviously trying to get the story underway as quickly as possible, so that he could get to what he's good at: weird, haunted-house type stuff employing odd camera angles and unusual sound effects. This movie is basically Evil Dead writ large, with a possible difference being that Doctor Strange has more agency.
I liked it but I didn't love it. It never felt slow to me (unlike The Batman), and the plot is fairly cohesive. Then again, once you throw magic into the mix most plots are going to feel cohesive, given that the audience isn't aware of magical limitations beyond information characters provide. If I have a complaint it's that Scarlet Witch should have been the center of this movie, not Doctor Strange. Making her the protagonist would have streamlined the plot quite a bit, and Doctor Strange, in cinematic terms at least, still doesn't have enough of a personality to merit his own movie. Multiverse of Madness gives him a bit more backstory, but it's still not enough to empathize with.
Some of the visuals in this movie are a wonder to behold. I highly recommend watching it in a theater, on the biggest screen possible. The big reveal everyone's been waiting for? It's actually somewhat forgettable, and those characters aren't onscreen for very long.
Some of the dialogue in this movie is extremely corny but I'll let that pass. That's Sam Raimi too, and I think that some of this movie's corniness serves to lighten the overall mood.
I could be wrong, but with all the talk of "incursions" in this movie the MCU seems to be moving toward something like Jonathan Hickman's Secret Wars. Given the Fantastic Four's role in that storyline and the release order this seems likely to me. I get why people would think Secret Invasion after the appearance of the Skrulls earlier on, but I'm betting on Secret Wars. Only time will tell if I'm right or wrong in this assumption.
3. The Contractor
Chris Pine and Ben Foster, who also appeared together in Hell or High Water, star as two Army Rangers sent to Germany by a private contractor. It was a box office bomb and critics weren't fond of it, but beyond the formulaic subject matter there are still some good performances in this movie.
4. X
A group of people find themselves hunted by a killer in the course of shooting an adult film. I was fully prepared to hate this movie, but despite its heavy reliance on the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise it was well done.
Fun Fact 1: This movie was shot entirely in New Zealand. This isn't the first time New Zealand has stood in for Texas.
Fun Fact 2: There actually is a pornographic film from the 70s titled The Farmer's Daughters. I saw it not long ago. The plot of that film has nothing to do with this one.
5. Top Gun: Maverick
Better than the original in my opinion. Tom Cruise is again called upon to defend America from her enemies abroad, this time leading a group of younger pilots into battle. Aside from an improbable F-14, the screenplay was tightly written, trading in enough nostalgia to satisfy fans of the original while adding newer elements to keep things interesting. Tom Cruise, by the way, delivers some great acting in this film. It's one of the best things he's ever done.
6. Hustle
Adam Sandler transfers his Uncut Gems credits over to Netflix. Hustle isn't nearly as good as Uncut Gems, but Sandler makes for a convincing NBA scout and this story hits all the right notes.
7. Thor: Love and Thunder
Forget about any of the comic books, whatever this movie is has nothing to do with what those comic books are. It's a fun ride for sure, but you'll want to forget about the source material. In this installment Thor in both male and female incarnations face(s) off against Gorr the God Butcher. If you walk in expecting an action comedy you won't be disappointed, but if you walk in with a more critical mindset you'll be picking this movie apart in no time.
Korg could have been eliminated from the story altogether, but as we all know it's Taika Waititi's movie, and Korg gives him an excuse to inject more of his sarcastic humor into the script. Thor: Love and Thunder is Thor: Ragnarok writ even larger, and that fact won't please everyone.
For me the highlight of this movie was Christian Bale. More scenes of him chopping his way through various pantheons would have made this movie much better.
8. The Northman
Conan the Barbarian? The Odyssey? The Northman invites those kinds of comparisons, but that doesn't mean it's an unoriginal film. No, director Robert Eggers actually drew on much older material to craft this story of revenge, and the result is a very stylish movie that pulls no punches. I get why it didn't do that well at the box office though. It's very dark and not exactly action packed.
9. Day Shift
Jamie Foxx hunts vampires. It's ridiculous, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's also a lot of fun.
10. Werewolf by Night
It's not very long, and it's not especially deep, but this movie scores serious style points. Anyone else remember those late 70s/early 80s monster-y Marvel Comics? Werewolf by Night captures that mood exactly.
11. Hellraiser
I'm sure there's a subset of horror fanatics who've enshrined the original, but in almost purely objective terms this movie is the best in the series by far. The setup makes sense, the characters are believable, and even if it gets a bit derivative toward the end it's never boring. I've always felt that the Hellraiser movies wasted a great concept, and this film goes some distance to finally getting it right.
12. DC League of Super Pets
It's a funny movie. Krypto leads a group of newly-empowered pets against a guinea pig bent on world domination. It hits all the right notes without taking itself too seriously.
13. Black Adam
I don't get why so many people are so down on this movie. I thought it was really good. The fight scenes were great, Dwayne Johnson is a convincing Black Adam, and it was fun to finally see Dr. Fate on the big screen.
Sure, this movie has problems. Black Adam speaking English like a native after several thousand years' imprisonment was baffling. The Justice Society has a weird agenda. The villain at the end is set up about as well as Ares in Wonder Woman. But overall it's entertaining. Why all the hate? If you're avoiding this movie because of sites like CinemaScore and/or Marvel fans with an agenda, you should really give it a chance.
14. Bullet Train
I can't say it's a bad movie, it just made me a bit sleepy. Brad Pitt stars as a courier trying to get a briefcase off a speeding train, with several lesser known actors as heroes and villains caught up in a gang leader's sinister plans. Aaron Taylor-Johnson is well used in this movie.
15. Elvis
I can't say it's bad, but is it really about Elvis? A lot of the music playing in the background isn't his, and what remains is often more of an adaptation of his music than the music itself. I've never been a fan of director Baz Luhrmann, and this movie hasn't really changed my mind. Tom Hanks? Sure, he's great, but I'm still not certain that this is really a movie about Elvis.
For a more down to earth portrait of The King, you might check out 1957's Loving You, which is to some extent based on Elvis's early career. It's not a great movie, but I think it's a better reflection of Elvis as a person.
Food for Thought: What if they'd made a movie about Little Richard (who appears in this movie) instead? You think Elvis's life got dark? You think Elvis's life got weird? Just check out Little Richard's Wikipedia page. I can't believe they haven't made a movie about him already.
16. Three Thousand Years of Longing
Tilda Swinton either experiences a psychotic break or frees a genie from a bottle. Director George Miller shows a great deal of versatility with this movie, and while it's undeniably well done it's a bit too long for its own good. Back in the 60s they would have inserted an intermission, and that kind of pause would have made this movie better.
17. Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
As I watched this movie I couldn't help but compare it to two other recent films, these being Thor: Love and Thunder and Black Adam.
Why Thor: Love and Thunder? Because both Thor 4 and Wakanda Forever are very personal statements by their respective directors. In Thor 4 Taika Waititi showed us that he doesn't care much about comic book canon, character development or coherent storytelling, but that he DOES care a lot about stylistic choices, Guns N' Roses and placing tragic events in a story so that he can make light of them later. In Wakanda Forever Ryan Coogler shows us the complete opposite: character development and storytelling. Does this mean that he's disregarded style completely? By no means. This movie has its own aesthetic, and this aesthetic never comes at the expense of its characters or the world they inhabit.
Why Black Adam? Because both Black Adam and Wakanda Forever put superheroes into a third world context, offering us nations and (anti)heroes unwilling to align themselves with the current order of things. Black Adam happily destabilizes the larger powers he comes into contact with, while the characters in Wakanda Forever walk a much finer line between asserting dominance and pretending submission.
Black Adam was the stompy superhero movie I was waiting for, but I liked Wakanda Forever too. Hats off to what this movie did with Namor, "Atlantis" and Namor's origin story. Not only did the script succeed in differentiating Namor from Aquaman, but Namor's origin also ties nicely into the larger narrative. No, Namor was never Mayan in the comics (NOT canon!), but I think the change was necessary given the story they were trying to tell.
Not As Bad As I Was Led To Believe
1. Morbius
Jared Leto stars as the living vampire. Is this the worst movie ever made? Far from it. Is it the worst superhero movie ever made? No, not even close. It's a 90s-style superhero film along the lines of Venom 2: Let There Be Carnage. The actions taken by the two detectives don't bear thinking about, but overall it's harmless fun and the fight at the end is cool enough.
I can only hope that Michael Keaton doesn't visit casinos. Between Sony's Whatever-It-Is Cinematic Universe and The Flash his future in superhero movies isn't exactly bright. I'm sure he'll be fine, but I'm not expecting to see either the Vulture or his version of Batman in too many future films.
Uh... What?
1. Dirty Little Secret
It's a Lifetime movie, I'm a high school student with dreams of attending the "Fashion Institute of Technology," and... my mom's a hoarder! Standard Lifetime fare, right? The difference being the ending, which is so dark and depressing it's almost worth sitting through the rest of the movie for. I really don't know what happened there, maybe they ran out of money and/or stopped caring, but whatever happened it's certainly the most nihilistic Lifetime movie ever.
Some Bad Ones
1. Uncharted
Half as plausible as both F9 and Spider-Man: No Way Home, while at the same time only half as interesting as either of those movies. Tom Holland spends a great deal of time hopping around, trying to remind us that he's not Spider-Man, and Mark Wahlberg is always one step behind him. In F9 you can pretend they're Hot Wheels, and in Spider-Man you can remind yourself that they're superheroes, but in this movie the historical inaccuracies pile up to the point where it takes you right out of the movie. It's not Indiana Jones, it's not National Treasure, and it's not even Tomb Raider. It kind of just is, and its being there isn't enough to make it worth watching.
Fun Fact 1: This was originally going to be a very, very different kind of movie. Mark Wahlberg was attached early on, but he was going to star in a film directed by David O. Russell, who'd recently directed Wahlberg in The Fighter. There were also plans to have Robert De Niro and Joe Pesci appear alongside Wahlberg, but David O. Russell and Robert De Niro went on to do Silver Linings Playbook instead.
Fun Fact 2: This movie is banned in both the Philippines and Vietnam. Both countries objected to the inclusion of the nine-dash line in a map of the region. This nine-dash line supports China's claim to territories that both the Philippines and Vietnam claim sovereignty over.
2. Scream
Yawn. I liked the opening, but after that I had trouble paying attention. Sure, it's more meta for your money, but the characters are really bad at defending themselves and no one ever thinks to call the police. Or what about, you know, just leaving town? Isn't it really that town that always kills them? I know people are clamoring for a sequel, but I'm officially done with this franchise. Back in the day it was fun to guess who the killer(s) might be. Now it's not.
Fun Fact 1: Jenna Ortega, who plays Tara Carpenter, is also in X above.
Fun Fact 2: Jack Quaid isn't the only son of famous parents in the cast. Mason Gooding is Cuba Gooding Jr.'s son.
3. Jurassic World Dominion
Like Scream another "legacy sequel." In this one people continue to run from dinosaurs. If they are virtuous they eventually run to safety, or at least to a continued niche in an uncertain ecosystem. If they are greedy or vicious they are chomped by said dinosaurs, and denied repeat appearances in inevitable sequels.
4. Spiderhead
A scientist tests out his emotion-inducing compounds on a group of convicts. I thought Miles Teller was excellent in this movie, but Chris Hemsworth was miscast.
5. Followers
British. Found footage. Social media influencers. Ghosts. If you're 14 you'll be all over this one, if you're older and you've seen a few horror movies you won't.
6. Prey
The Predator vs. Native Americans! Sounds interesting, but the Native Americans seemed implausibly modern to me, while the Predator seemed strangely forbearing. I was fully invested in this movie for about twenty minutes and then completely lost interest.
7. Blonde
I'm not trying to score points here, and I'm not trying to be politically correct, I just really, really didn't like this movie. Why is it necessary to oversexualize someone who was already oversexualized during their lifetime? I won't argue that there aren't some amazing shots in this film, but I don't feel that it's really about Marilyn Monroe. What's next, a movie about Jayne Mansfield featuring double anal penetration? If I want to watch porn I'll just go watch porn. I have no desire to watch a mean-spirited drama hiding behind a famous name.
Director Andrew Dominik seems to have adopted a scorched earth policy with regard to the press tour. In a way I get his frustration, but I also think a lot of the criticism is justified. They could have easily NOT made this movie about Marilyn Monroe. They could have used a stand-in. The resulting film would have been much better received.
8. Halloween Kills
"Suicide or cherry blossoms," huh?
The thing that really kills this movie, if you'll excuse the slight pun, is Laurie Strode's voiceovers. That, and a badly written script. I've never been a fan of the franchise, but this movie makes the ones that came before it look relatively polished. The actor who plays Michael Myer's protege is good, but he's drowning in a sea of bad dialog and nonsensical plot points.
9. Samaritan
Sylvester Stallone stars as a retired boxer - sorry, as a retired superhero - who strikes up a friendship with a young boy. The second half of this movie has some cringy moments but it's obviously for kids. As with Morbius above it seems more like something we would have seen in the 90s.
10. Where the Crawdads Sing
I finished the novel right before watching the movie. The novel is WAY better. The movie fails spectacularly to capture Kya's sense of loneliness and alienation, and it is this sense of otherness that drives the plot of the book. Without that sense of otherness we're left with a tired romantic triangle overshadowing an inexplicable court case, and neither the romantic triangle nor the court case make any kind of impression on the viewer.
Gloriously Terrible
1. Moonfall
I f*&king loved it from start to finish. This is indeed Roland Emmerich's masterpiece, a bizarre, disorienting concatenation of scientific concepts, bad acting, laughable dialog and special effects that detract rather than add to the story. Sign me up for the sequel - I'll be there the first day.
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