Some Good Ones
1. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania
I don't quite understand all the hate this move is getting. Is it perfect? Far from it, but it's certainly not the worst superhero movie ever made.
As most people probably gathered from the trailer, Kang the Conqueror has brought Scott Lang and his entire family into the quantum realm, and they'll have to work together to escape back to our world. In tone this movie reminded me a lot of the Star Wars franchise, though of course certain elements of the quantum realm are more hallucinogenic than anything seen in Star Wars.
None of the characters aside from Jonathan Majors' Kang are especially interesting, and the ending of this movie is a foregone conclusion. Some of the special effects sequences could have used some more work, and both Paul Rudd and Evangeline Lily are starting to look their age. That fight at the end? Paul Rudd doesn't look like that would have gone well for him in real life, either.
But all told this movie's harmless fun. It's too talky, it tells where it should have shown, and the ending is genuinely perplexing, but it's harmless fun. If nothing else Ant-Man's motivations made more sense than whatever was going on in Avatar: The Way of Water, and this movie wasn't trying to make some grand statement about man's environmentally unsustainable nature.
2. Creed III
One week I'm watching Jonathan Majors as the bad guy in Ant-Man 3, the following week I'm watching Jonathan Majors as the bad guy in Creed III.
Fortunately for me Creed III is much better than Ant-Man 3. The story makes more sense, it has more emotional impact, and Michael B. Jordan, who stars in this movie, is a competent director who makes some interesting choices. Creed III isn't up there with Creed or Rocky Balboa in terms of quality, but it's still a fine addition to the franchise.
And yes, there will be a Creed IV.
3. The Super Mario Bros. Movie
What?!?! No Yoshi? LAME.
...but of course he'll show up in the sequel. And yes, there probably will be a sequel, because a) this movie is making a lot of money, and b) it's getting passable reviews.
My favorite part was that bit with Kid Icarus near the beginning. Aside from that this movie picks up speed quickly and never slows down. I didn't love it, but I did like it. I'd definitely watch a sequel.
4. The Flash
It's goofy fun. I wasn't loving the suit and I had issues with the CGI, but the story was engaging and the cameos were the best part of the film. If you, like me, grew up reading the comics you'll find a lot to like and a few things to dislike about The Flash. It's far from perfect, but MUCH better than Shazam: Fury of the Gods (below).
I wouldn't hold my breath on the sequel. Issues with Ezra Miller aside, the studio has previously stated that a sequel will only be greenlit if The Flash makes The Batman-level money. At the time of writing that seems very unlikely.
5. Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse
This movie is so hyper it makes Into the Spider-verse seem sedate by comparison. It's far better than The Flash, and I'm looking forward to Beyond the Spider-verse closing out Miles Morales' frenetic saga.
6. Transformers: Rise of the Beasts
Crossover imminent! I won't say what franchise is joining the fold, but if you know your 80s toy lines and you've been following this stuff you can probably guess.
I have to say I was a little disappointed with this movie. It's not because it's worse than I expected, but rather because it's better than I expected. I was expecting a Fast X level of absurdity, and next to that movie this one is strangely coherent.
In Rise of the Beasts a guy that looks like Chris Cornell's little brother and a young woman with an inexplicably comprehensive knowledge of ancient cultures help Optimus Prime (and Optimus Primal!) thwart the world-ending menace that is Omicron. Sorry, I meant Unicron. It's all familiar territory, but Rise of the Beasts is, when taken on its own terms, a well put together movie.
7. Barbie
The first half of this movie is very good; the second half is trying too hard to make various points. They had me up until Ryan Gosling's big musical number, but after that I was scratching my head. The mom's speech in Weird Barbie's house is especially jarring, and it seemed to belong to another movie entirely. It's not bad, however, and Michael Cera steals every scene he's in.
8. Air
Nike lands a deal with Michael Jordan and changes the sports apparel industry. The ensemble nature of this movie reminded me of Argo, while the relationship between Matt Damon's and Ben Affleck's characters reminded me of The Last Duel. In terms of overall import I wasn't finding anything especially life-affirming or informative about Air, but it's a well constructed movie with a good cast.
9. Renfield
Nicholas Hoult and Nicolas Cage star in this comedic addition to the Dracula Cinematic Universe. It doesn't strike the right balance between the funny scenes and the violence, but it's still worth watching.
10. Sisu
A Finnish gold miner kicks Nazi ass in Lapland. It's super manly, super violent and super silly. Overall a fun two hours.
11. Dumb Money
I walked into this movie knowing absolutely nothing about either the movie itself or the GameStop fiasco. The performances are good, but it comes off like a lesser version of The Big Short. I'm also not sure whether this film really makes the point it's trying to make. At the end of the day how was all that "drama" different from a night spent at a casino? And is it ever a surprise when the house wins?
12. Pain Hustlers
It follows a familiar trajectory, but this story of a pharmaceutical company's rise and fall is anchored by some great performances by Emily Blunt, Chris Evans, Andy Garcia and Catherine O'Hara.
13. Nyad
An older woman attempts a swim between Cuba and the Florida Keys. Annette Bening and Jodie Foster cover familiar territory with this one, but it works well enough.
Apparently Nyad's real-life achievement has never been certified by the organizations responsible for doing so. There are questions about the what rules should be applied to this endeavor, and whether it was sufficiently documented by the boat crew.
14. The Marvels
To some extent yeah, haters gonna hate.
But in my opinion this movie does exactly what it's supposed to do. The story is interesting and the characters' interactions make sense. My two biggest complaints are a) the villain's motivation is never adequately explained and b) this movie could have been wackier. That Disney princess scene? They were onto something there.
Gotta be real however, and say that my main takeaway from this movie is that Brie Larson is really, really pretty. Sure, this film gives her more opportunities to act, but with this said I found myself lost in her eyes every time she appeared onscreen.
15. Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
Overall a satisfying conclusion to what, I can only assume, is Harrison Ford's last outing as the character. It gets by on a certain amount of nostalgia, it borrows a lot from previous films, and James Mangold is no Steven Spielberg, but on the whole it's far, far better than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Four things that bothered me, however: 1) the de-aging, 2) Indy's goddaughter is annoying and her presence doesn't add much to the plot, 3) some of the action scenes are disappointing, and 4) there's a scene where Indy's makes a HUGE assumption about what he sees in Archimedes' tomb. Aren't you an archaeologist? Maybe take another look at that "artifact?"
Good, but Bring a Pillow
1. Oppenheimer
What?!?! I'm not bending over backward in praise of Christopher Nolan's Oppenheimer? Well, I certainly can't say it's a bad movie, but it's certainly not always entertaining. This story of J. Robert Oppenheimer's moral scruples with regard to shifting political affiliations and how they played into the development of the atomic bomb is definitely thought provoking, yet those uninterested in the study of quantum mechanics and the history surrounding the United States' nuclear program would be better served by Barbie above.
I did, however, like this movie a lot more than Nolan's previous film, Tenet. It also serves as a showcase for Cillian Murphy, who may well go on to win an Oscar for his performance as Oppenheimer.
Oh, and bonus points for both Josh Hartnett and Dane DeHaan. It's been a while since I've seen those guys in anything.
Fun Fact: Benny Safdie, who plays Edward Teller, is one of the Safdie Brothers who directed Uncut Gems.
Family.
1. Fast X
We're at the point with these movies where everyone knows where they stand with regard to them. You love them or you hate them; there's no middle ground. I've enjoyed almost all of them, even if I have to check my brain at the door to do so.
Jason Momoa is the best thing about this movie by far. He must have had a blast doing this movie. The rest of the cast is... fine, the action sequences (both the car chases and the fighting) are about as realistic as you'd expect, and in-between the cars and the violence you'll spot some memorably beautiful women.
Fun (?) Fact: The sequel should hit theaters in 2025.
Do You REALLY Like Wes Anderson Movies? Are You Sure?
1. Asteroid City
Depending almost entirely upon your disposition toward previously seen Wes Anderson movies, you'll either find this film clever and funny or pretentious and extremely irritating. Given the position I've awarded this movie within this entry you can probably guess my feelings on the matter. A play within a television show within a film? Wooden deliveries and frames within frames within frames? Eh, I'll most likely be skipping the next Wes Anderson movie. I'd rather watch something like Fast X instead.
Some Bad Ones
1. Shazam! Fury of the Gods
So... the villain just floats there? While the dome is shrinking? And while the hero is obviously readying himself for some big move? Whatever.
My biggest takeaway from this movie is that the actress playing Mary Marvel is smokin' hot.
In this sequel we see The World's Mightiest Mortal develop into a truly annoying person, complete with jokes that don't land and inner conflicts that don't always make sense. I can't tell if more blame for this should be put on Zachary Levi, David F. Sanberg or the script, but whatever the reason Shazam -- the character around whom this movie revolves -- is the most unlikeable thing about it. At around the halfway mark I was hoping Asher Angel would get more screen time just so that I'd see less of Zachary Levi.
And that cameo at the end. More magic lightning and everything's suddenly OK? Ugh, nothing screams writer's block like that kind of conclusion. Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu's imponderable characters aside, that ending is the most grievous example of shoddy storytelling I've seen in quite a while.
2. Cocaine Bear
80s nostalgia + a bear + cocaine + various people lost in the woods. It could've been a lot funnier, but the humor often misses the mark. Cocaine Bear is, by the way, one of Ray Liotta's last movies. He died in his sleep not long after production wrapped.
3. Knights of the Zodiac
...or Saint Seiya, as many of us are used to calling it.
I'll be charitable and say this movie was aimed squarely at kids. I'll furthermore applaud the actors and actresses in this film, who are somehow able to say their lines with straight faces. And how is your "Cosmo" lately? Have you learned to wield it properly?
Fun Fact 1: Mackenyu Maeda, the star of this movie, is Sonny Chiba's son. He's now appearing as Roronoa Zoro in Netflix's One Piece series.
Fun Fact 2: Famke Janssen and Sean Bean in the same movie feel familiar? They also appeared opposite one another in 1995's GoldenEye.
4. John Wick: Chapter 4
The first one was silly fun, the second and third were OK, but the fourth is where things get DUMB. I could criticize the story, but what's the point? No, for me a movie like this begins and ends with the fight choreography, and the fight choreography for the first half of this movie is just bad. So many guys momentarily unconscious, so many guys waiting for their turn to punch or kick, so many guys aiming for the wrong part of the body...
As far as I'm concerned the critics can f*$k right off. 94% my ass. This movie really isn't good.
5. Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves
Between his genuinely good movies, Chris Pine appears in movies like this one and Wonder Woman 1984. Making a movie about the role playing game was always going to be an uphill battle, but Dungeons & Dragons could have been better. Like John Wick 4 this one received "generally favorable reviews," but I can't help but think that these reviews were submitted by a much smaller audience.
6. Blue Beetle
Quite possibly the most forgettable CBM ever made. Blue Beetle will remind you of SO many other comic book films, everything from Iron Man to Watchmen, and even the Latino angle isn't that original, given that we've already seen elements of their story in movies such as Wakanda Forever and Black Adam.
Back in the 90s kids would have been wearing Blue Beetle backpacks to school this fall, but in 2023 this movie just isn't original enough to inspire that kind of cross-promotion.
7. 65
Take that, Darwin! I'll have you know that fully functioning homo sapiens were alive and kicking 65 million years before the present!
This movie is almost too dumb for words. Not only is it light on the science and heavy on the fiction, but Adam Driver's character and the young girl are so busy having "moments" that you start to root against them. I can only hope that the screenwriters never get a script optioned again.
8. Trolls Band Together
It's just not funny. It's super hyper, super colorful, but the jokes that made the first two accessible to adults aren't there. You might chuckle a bit at all the boy band references, but the remainder of this movie made me sleepy.
9. Rebel Moon
Quite possibly the most pompous science fiction movie ever made. Take Star Wars, add Gamora's backstory from Infinity War, and throw in a dash of Avatar and that's pretty much Rebel Moon. The dialogue can only be described as fanfiction gone very, very wrong, and upon a first viewing one can only express sympathy for the members of the cast, given that crawling out from under this movie will be no easy feat.
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