"Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim" by David Sedaris (2004)
"'But I didn't do anything. I'm gay, remember?'
"'That's not going to save you,' she said. 'Push comes to shove and who do you think they're going to believe, a nine-year-old girl or the full-grown man who gets his jollies carving little creatures out of balsa wood?'
"'They're not little creatures!' I yelled. 'They're tool people!'"
David Sedaris is an American essayist. He writes about his childhood in North Carolina, about growing up gay, and about his experiences living in France and England.
To use his brother's kind of vocabulary, he's funny as shit. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time, and I look forward to reading more of his books soon.
The part about his brother's wedding is classic.