An Incomplete List of Weird and Ridiculous Things in Flash: The Silver Age Vol. 4 (1966ish)

It was the late 60s, and this stuff was written for kids.  Gardner Fox and John Broome wrote most of it, with the great Carmine Infantino at the drawing board.

1. The Flash can move fast enough to dodge bullets, but if he hits a piece of paper while he's moving at super speed it knocks him out.

2. Captain Boomerang actually tried to shoot Flash into orbit using a boomerang.  And it almost worked.

3. There is "another dimension of space" full of psychic beings, and some of these psychic beings travel to other "dimensions of space" purely for the sake of blowing shit up.

4. The villain Abra Kadabra isn't just able to give his "magic" to other people, Flash is later able to transfer this "magic" into a lamp.

5. Barry Allen's fiance Iris is an idiot who somehow can't figure out that he's the Flash.  Even when Barry disappears and the Flash appears a moment later.  Every.  Freaking.  Time.

6. Captain Cold doesn't just make stuff out of ice.  He can also animate the things he makes and use them to attack the Flash.  The Flash is able to escape these creations by "vibrating faster than light."

7. The Flash is able to travel several times the speed of light and yet no time dilation occurs.

8. When the Flash moves a group of criminals at speeds faster than light they somehow develop telekinetic powers.

9. The Flash takes the criminals' telekinetic powers away by moving several times the speed of light in the other direction.

10. #7-#9 above were all in a single 12-page issue of The Flash.  The writer was really smoking the good stuff when he wrote that one.

11. Flash villain The Shade controls a "dark dimension," populated by "dark animals."  These creatures are able to follow commands and interact with our world, but are exempt from physical law as we know it.

12. Iris's uncle invents a way to make plants larger, with the side effect that they explode soon after.

13. Professor Zoom (a.k.a. Reverse Flash) has created his own "science of ultra-speed" based upon "speeding electrons and other sub-atomic particles to fantastic rates."

14. Certain individuals like the Flash are without any tendency toward criminality.  They are the ubermensch spoken of by Nietzsche.  Their every action is in alignment with Kant's categorical imperative.

15. When a super speedster travels forward or backward in time, they still need to worry about how much time they spend in a past or future era.  Otherwise they'll be... too late?

16. Laws in Central City are created and enacted in an almost arbitrary fashion.  And when the mayor of Central City decides to make super speed illegal, the Flash complies with this law and does not question it.

17. The Flash, although able to move at superhuman speeds, can be imprisoned in a cone of "ultra-radiation."

18. Over time the Flash builds up something called "haywire speed," which makes it impossible for him to control his powers.  This haywire speed must be drained away by giving his super speed to other people.

19. Even though the Flash's real identity is supposed to be secret, he's able to get people hired on at the Flash Museum.  And STILL Iris has no idea that Barry Allen is the Flash, despite the fact that she's an investigative reporter.

20. As a way of averting a "giant planet-wide explosion," Flash and Kid-Flash race longitudinally and latitudinally over the surface of the Earth, covering every inch of it (including the oceans) with some kind of explosion-preventing spray.

Related Entries:

Superhero Movies From October 2018 Onward (8)
Rooting for the Rogues
Deadpool 2 and Waves of Nostalgia
Avengers: Infinity War: 6 Days and Counting

Rooting for the Rogues

Those following the comic book movie news are probably aware of recent developments with regard to the Flash movie.  At the time of writing they're still revising the script, they've hired a production designer, and several cast members from Justice League (including Ezra Miller) are slated to appear in the movie.

Of course Justice League was a trainwreck if there ever was one, and Warner Bros.' claims that this movie is still "in development" are to be treated with extreme skepticism.  But until we hear otherwise, this movie's a distinct possibility.  And if Aquaman, Shazam!, and/or Wonder Woman 2 overcome the "Justice League curse," it's even more likely that it'll get made.

I don't know about you, but I'm still hoping the Flash makes his next cinematic outing sooner rather than later.  This isn't only because the Flash is my favorite superhero, but also because he has a lot to offer in terms of story.  He's visually appealing, easily recognizable, and easily understood.  In the right hands, The Flash would make a great movie.

Yet I was thinking the other day, what if they turned a Flash movie on its head?  What if they made his Rogues Gallery the heroes, or at least sympathetic antagonists?  What if the story was told from their point of view, with the Flash in the background?

I think such an approach would avoid a lot of problems, and would also go a long way towards forging a more original story.  Ignoring Suicide Squad for a moment, let's imagine that we live in Central City, in the presence of the Flash.  We get up and go to work every morning.  We pay taxes, and eat at restaurants.  We get stuck in traffic.  But everywhere we go we're aware of this presence, this force that rights wrongs, and transports criminals to local jails.  We want to believe that this presence is protecting us from ourselves, but we're never quite sure.  We begin to wonder about the freedom of our actions, and the wisdom of the figure that seems to be impinging upon this freedom.

This presence, of course, is not my invention.  It was touched upon in the Kingdom Come series, though the idea was never (to my knowledge) explored in any depth.  But I've always been captivated by the idea, partly because you'd never see the Flash saving people.  You'd never see him running through the streets.  He'd be largely invisible - not unlike certain communist states.  Would you come to love your scarlet-clad Big Brother?  Or would you come to distrust him?  Would you wonder what future he was steering you toward?  Would you wonder what the mere fact of his presence was doing to your humanity?

I picture this scenario unfolding from a short voice over in the beginning of the movie.  One of the rogues talks about seeing the Flash on TV when he was a kid.  This rogue then discusses aspects of growing up in a place where you're sure to be caught for any crime you commit, and where you could be spied upon by a being moving faster than you can see.  You might see a red blur now and then, but most people only glimpse their city's "savior."

Over time a collection of "individualists" forms - not necessarily criminals, though there are of course criminals in the group.  They meet together, far outside of the city limits, where a careful study of the Flash's activities has shown he never goes.  They begin to air grievances.  They begin to form plans.  It could be that some of their grievances are entirely justified, and it could be that other grievances are just the ravings of antisocial personalities.  They begin to meditate upon bringing down the Flash - either killing him or taking away his powers.  Perhaps their goal is just to shame him, or to cast his activities in negative light.

One of the fun things about such a movie is that Barry Allen can still be a character in it.  He can interact with the rogues at several points in the movie.  They won't even know that he's the Flash.  Perhaps at several points he almost discovers their plan, but other circumstances intervene.  We see him as the Flash, foiling a variety of crimes, but it's not until the end of the movie that our group of misfits face off against the scarlet speedster.

For the final confrontation, I'm thinking of something clever, something similar to a heist film, in that each of the rogues uses his or her set of skills to bring down the Flash.  It would be a very scientific exercise, based on a careful study of the Flash's powers.  They'd have to find the chink in his armor (so to speak), and their plan would progress in careful stages.

I should add that I've always found the "speed force" concept used in the comics slightly ridiculous.  To my thinking it's an explanation that isn't an explanation, and attempts to elaborate on this concept are usually recursive and somewhat lazy.  You might as well say that the god Mercury bestowed his powers on Barry Allen.  So when I say "very scientific exercise" in the paragraph above, I mean that the rogues would be taking advantage of the physical limits of his powers, in whatever order of magnitude the movie chooses to present them.  Giving the cinematic Flash some kind of Achilles heel would be a good thing, and would make it easier to relate to him as a character.  There's not much anyone can do against a guy that runs at the speed of light and passes through solid objects, so you'd have to give him some kind of weakness.

I envision one of two endings for such a movie: 1) one of the rogues almost kills the Flash, but is restrained by another, who has a change of heart, or 2) an even bigger threat arrives, and the rogues realize that they need the Flash to save them from it.  In either event both Flash and the rogues reach an understanding, and he decides to limit his interventions in the future.

Now I hear you saying: "How is this different from Suicide Squad?"  Well, for one thing the plot would be fully thought out.  For another, we already have a "through line" in the form of the rogues' antagonistic relationship with the Flash.  Suicide Squad was a mess of a movie, full of plot holes, and the characters in it were entirely disposable.  This movie would do its best to remedy those problems, though I freely admit that eliminating plot holes in any superhero movie is a challenge.  

Suicide Squad also lacked a satisfying antagonist.  Both the Joker and Enchantress were a huge letdown.  In my version of the Flash, we're not going for any big, cartoon villains like that.  We're going for a certain moral relativism, and for "villains" you can relate to.

All of the above, of course, is just a thought.  Oh, and no "Flash armor" in my version.  Why does the Flash need armor?  And what good is armor with a big open mouth and eye holes?

Related Entries:

Some Other Movies From 2004
A Review of Every Marvel Movie from 2008 to the Present (Revised as of May 15, 2018)
Deadpool 2 and Waves of Nostalgia
Some Other Movies From 2002

"Flashpoint" by Geoff Johns and Andy Kubert (2011)

Oh no!  Barry Allen wakes up to find he's in an alternate timeline!  And double oh no!  He's lost his powers!  And triple oh no!  Aquaman and Wonder Woman are fighting some barely-explained war against each other!  And quadruple oh no!  This timeline is... EVIL!

At least it all works out in the end, thanks to - you guessed it - a little time travel on the Flash's part.  GO FLASH!  Thanks for making our timeline great again!

The story is fairly well thought out, even if the Atlantis/Themyscira subplot isn't explained to anyone's satisfaction.  Superman acts as a kind of deus ex machina, and the story features a halfway interesting version of Captain Marvel/Captain Thunder/Shazam.

The art?  It's alright, but kind of pose-y.  Muscular dudes doing muscular things.  Hot superheroines with gigantic knockers.  You know the drill...

I realize that I'm coming at this one kind of late, but if it makes any difference I did see the animated version a lot closer to 2011.  Having now read the comic, I'd have to say that the animated version tells the same story much better.  If and when they ever manage to make that cinematic version of Flashpoint, they could do a lot worse than emulate the animated version.

Marvel, DC, and Live-Action TV

Prehistory

Many of these shows are available on Youtube, and those that aren't probably aren't worth watching.

Marvel's first entry into the live-action genre was Spider-man's appearance on The Electric Company, way back in 1974.  After this Spider-man got his own TV show, The Amazing Spider-Man, which lasted until 1979.  Near the end of The Amazing Spider-Man's run The Incredible Hulk TV show appeared, which was undoubtedly Marvel's most successful show up until that point.  A few other shows followed - none of any real consequence - up until the Spike network aired the Blade TV series in 2006.

By comparison, DC has had a much more successful run of TV shows.  The first DC character to appear in his own show was (of course) Superman, way back in 1952.  The 1960s Batman television show is one of the most recognizable TV shows of all time, and later shows such as Wonder Woman in the 1970s, the original Flash in the 1990s, Lois & Clark in the 1990s, and the well known Smallville in the 2000s were all quite popular.

Recent or Ongoing Shows

Most of the shows listed below tie into Marvel's cinematic universe, while the DC shows seem to occupy a world all their own.

I. Marvel

 Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D

Agent Coulson and crew attempt to deal with super-powered threats using an array of sophisticated weaponry.  B and C-list characters such as the Absorbing Man appear in this show, and recent plot elements have hinted at the Inhumans.

Agent Carter

The plucky Agent Carter and her companions do battle with H.Y.D.R.A.  This series is set in the 1950s, and ties into the backstory established in Captain America: The First Avenger.  I've heard rumors that this show will be canceled.

Powers

A Marvel property in name only, with only an Icon imprint title to boast of.  Detectives track down rogue superheroes.  The guy from District 9 stars, along with a bunch of people you've never heard of.

Daredevil

After losing his sight in an accident, Matt Murdock develops heightened senses that allow him to "see" things that others don't.  After beginning a career as a vigilante, he faces off against the Kingpin, the crime boss of Hell's Kitchen. 

II. DC

Arrow

I've only seen a few episodes of this show, but as anyone can tell you the Green Arrow is basically Batman with a bow and arrow.  This show was very "cutting edge" for a while, but in the wake of shows like Daredevil it seems behind the times.

Gotham

A show about Batman before he was Batman.  I've seen previews for this show, but nothing about either the previews or later reviews has made me want to see Gotham.  What's the point of a show about Batman that's missing Batman?

The Flash

After an accident involving a particle accelerator, Barry Allen develops the ability to move at superhuman speed.  I've seen every episode of this show so far, and I'd have to say that the episodes have varied in quality quite a bit.


Constantine

I loved the movie based on this character, but I have yet to see the TV show.  It's been getting terrible reviews, and I just can't be bothered with it.  A guy who talks to the dead does battle with the forces of evil.

iZombie

Never seen this one either.  Zombies?  At best, only tangentially related to the world of DC comics.

The Best of the Best, or the Best of the Rest

I. Marvel

As far as current Marvel shows go, Daredevil is the hands-down winner.  This show works on so many levels that it's ridiculous.  The performances exceed anything seen in any superhero show ever, and the writing is top notch.  Aside from his disappointing face mask and an ending that felt somewhat rushed, this show is nearly flawless.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Peggy Carter, by contrast, offer boring characters caught in formulaic situations.  Neither of these shows have actors that could really carry their own shows, and I think that if they didn't have "Marvel" above their names they would have never happened in the first place.

I haven't seen enough of Powers to judge it as harshly, though what I've seen was underwhelming.

II. DC

The Flash is definitely the best of DC's shows right now, with Arrow a distant second.  Tom Cavanagh, the guy who plays the Reverse-Flash, really makes the show, and even though the "CW-ness" of the show is a mark against it, the romantic subplots can be ignored once the action gets going.

As for the rest of DC's TV universe, I'd like to reiterate the fact that Daredevil is an excellent show that can be watched more than once, and there are more episodes of The Flash on the way!

Future

Marvel has a whole series of Netflix shows planned, the next being A.K.A. Jessica Jones, which features an ex-superhero investigating current superheroes accused of wrongdoing.  Hey, isn't that the premise behind the Powers TV show?  Maybe, but I'm sure it'll be better on Netflix.

After that we'll see shows featuring both Luke Cage and Iron Fist, leading up to another show featuring the Defenders.  There has been talk of these Defenders making a cinematic appearance in Avengers: Infinity War Part 2, and that's something that has me excited.

DC is now filming the Supergirl TV show, which does not interest me in the least.  There is also an Arrow spin-off featuring the Atom in the works, as well as shows featuring Lucifer, Preacher, and the Teen Titans.  I'd probably give the Teen Titans show a try, but the rest will probably pass me by.

The DC Cinematic Universe - Updated!!

Warner Bros. has finally announced their slate of DC films up until 2020.  These films are:

March 2016: Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice
August 2016: Suicide Squad
July 2017: Wonder Woman
November 2017: Justice League Part 1
March 2018: The Flash
July 2018: Aquaman
April 2019: Shazam
June 2019: Justice League Part 2
April 2020: Cyborg
June 2020: Green Lantern

In addition, the studio has also announced plans for stand-alone Batman and Superman films, which will (presumably) be released within this time frame.  This would mean the release of at least two DC films a year.

Now I don't know about you, but I'm pretty excited about this development.  None of this is set in stone of course.  Release dates can be changed.  Projects can be shelved.  But in announcing these films, Warner Bros. is also announcing its commitment to the characters, and to building a cinematic universe around them.

The first of these films, Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice is still filming now.  Despite intimations of other characters in Man of Steel, this will be the movie to introduce the idea of an interconnected cinematic universe.  As nearly everyone on the planet knows, Ben Affleck will star as Batman, and Henry Cavill will reprise his role as Superman.  Gal Gadot will also appear as Wonder Woman, Ray Fisher as Cyborg, and other actors may also appear as other well known superheroes.

Much less is known about Suicide Squad, the following film.  David Ayer is attached to direct, and this alone is cause for excitement.  I'm sure we'll see Deadshot in this movie, though the rest of the roster is anybody's guess.  This movie could be a huge success for Warner Bros., especially if they choose more recognizable villains.

As for the rest of these films, we'll just have to wait and see.  Justice League Part 1 is reportedly filming back to back with Batman v. Superman, so details of that film will certainly surface soon.  Production on the other films hasn't even started yet.  If nothing else, I'll be overjoyed to finally see a Flash movie.  A movie centered around this character has been long overdue, and I'm glad that Warner Bros. is finally taking a step in that direction.

A Flash Movie

I really, really hope they make a Flash movie.  I've been wanting one for years.  For the longest time I couldn't imagine such a movie ever getting made, but then along came Tim Burton's Batman, and after that Spider-man, and then, somehow, they were actually making a movie of The Avengers.  All of these films were insanely popular, and we still don't know when this fad for superhero movies is going to end, and which of our favorite superheroes will hit the screen before it does.

I grew up on DC comics, though I was also a fan of Marvel characters such as The Hulk.  This was back in the 80s, somewhere between the first Superman and Batman films.  Back then, everyone acknowledged that certain characters were harder to translate to the silver screen, and the chances of our seeing films based around these characters was less than likely.  Spider-man was one such character, even though he'd gotten the TV show treatment.  Thor was another.  Imagine trying to pitch a big-budget movie about Thor to a studio back in the mid-80s.  They would have laughed you out of the room.

Back then CGI was still in its infancy, and even the most effects-heavy movies of that decade look primitive by modern standards.  It was hard to imagine anyone getting Spider-man's webs right.  It was hard to imagine the Silver Surfer not looking incredibly corny.  We wanted to see someone try these things, but we weren't hopeful about the final product.

Even back in the 80s, I dreamed that The Flash would somehow get his own film.  In the 80s a successful film seemed more likely for the DC characters, given that Superman 1, 2, and 3 did so well at the box office.  I figured that a Flash film might possibly appear in my lifetime, and this seemed even more possible after I heard about Tim Burton's Batman, which acheived widespread popularity in 1989.  I couldn't help but think that after Superman and Batman, my favorite speedster would finally get his day.

But of course 1989 came and went, as did 1999, and then 2009, and now we're sitting here in the year 2012.  Still no Flash.  And I really couldn't imagine an easier character to translate into the film medium, especially now.  He's got powers that would look fantastic in a movie, he's got an easy origin story to tell, and even though his Rogue's Gallery isn't that great he's still got Professor Zoom, who has managed to be a convincing adversary since the 80s.  I still can't figure out why we haven't seen a Flash movie yet.  Even if the Green Lantern film was an unqualified disaster.  There's just so much potential there.

Lately the talk is that Warner Bros. is going to make a Justice League movie, and this movie will act as a launch pad for stand-alone movies with individual superheroes.  Warner Bros. seems to be saying that they want to do the opposite of what Marvel Studios is doing, but a knee-jerk reaction in the opposite direction is still just a knee-jerk reaction, and reversing Marvel's strategy seems to say they lack a better idea.  I'm not saying the idea couldn't work, just that I'm a bit skeptical.

And I really, really hope that they don't try to introduce The Flash in this Justice League movie.  It would be a hard sell, especially if you put him next to Superman and Batman.  I'm also worried that they'll try to turn him into comic relief.  As a character that many of us grew up with, he deserves much more than that.

With Man of Steel and Iron Man 3 on the horizon, it doesn't seem as if the superhero fad is going to end anytime soon.  After those two films, we can expect Thor: The Dark World, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and - much further off - a Guardians of the Galaxy movie (WTF?).  All of these movies are in various phases of production now.

I only hope Warner Bros. doesn't drop the ball here.  In their hurry to create a competing franchise, one wonders if they won't end up botching some of the DC heroes.  After all, the same studio that brought us Nolan's version of Batman also brought us Batman Forever, and the Green Lantern.  It would be a shame if they offered us an equally inferior version of The Flash, especially since I've been waiting a long, long time to see him race into the local theater.