For further background on the year in film, please refer to the Some Other Movies From 2004 entry.
The following things happened in 2004:
- Janet Jackson's breast accidentally appeared during the Superbowl halftime show. The horror!
- Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook.
- Several eastern European countries were admitted to NATO. Many of these nations also joined the EU the same year.
- Saddam Hussein was tried for war crimes in Iraq.
- The Summer Olympics were held in Athens, Greece.
- George W. Bush was reelected President of the U.S.
- The Taipei 101, at the time the tallest building in the world, officially opened.
- Marlon Brando died.
Linked entries can be viewed in their entirety on YouTube.
Fascinating
There's footage in this documentary of an American G.I. attempting to give water to a girl in Okinawa. In the footage she's shaking uncontrollably. Man, it'll bring tears to your eyes.
And sure, this film glosses over some of the worst Japanese atrocities. But then again these atrocities weren't widely discussed even in Japan, and the absence of firsthand accounts of them makes sense. What we're left with instead is a series of snapshots, some from the Japanese themselves, most from the Allies, and the result is a haunting image of a nation that rushed into modernity at the expense of modern ideals, and of a people willing to die for their divine emperor without questioning why.
On a personal note, the Japanese left a network of tunnels near the village where I live in Taiwan. You might think that WWII was a long time ago, but the outlines of that world-shaking conflict are still very much evident throughout East and Southeast Asia.
Some Good Ones
1. Alexander: The.Final Cut
Those wishing to save themselves a lot of time and effort should just go directly to The Man Who Would Be King. It explores similar themes much more effectively.
It's been a while since I saw the theatrical cut of this movie, but just the same I think The Final Cut works better. It skips back and forth much more, and even though this plot device grows tiresome it's more cohesive than the movie I saw in theaters 17 years ago.
The best thing about it is still the dynamic between Alexander, his father (Val Kilmet), and his mother (Angelina Jolie). If Oliver Stone had just focused on that story the whole thing would have worked.much.better. But yeah, it was 2004 and movies like Braveheart and Gladiator were still fresh on everybody's minds.
Colin Farrell? He's OK I guess. Just not really present in his own movie. The script gets lost in the spectacle it's trying to present, and Alexander's struggles with his sexuality and his quest for power never quite make sense.
2. Alien vs. Predator
Aliens + Predator + Cube.
I hated the premise behind this movie when I first heard about it. As good as the first two Aliens and the first two Predators are, combining the two franchises seemed like diminishing both.
Watching AVP again in 2021 only confirms this belief. It's not a bad movie, it's just less than the sum of two franchises. Sometimes more IS less. To top it off, that Antarctic whaling station is bullshit, as is almost any plot elements pertaining to the Aztecs. And what about the temperature in that pyramid? Wasn't hypothermia a concern?
And come on, Paul W.S. Anderson, we need to see the guy getting squeezed inside the razor-sharp net! No cutting away!
Bonus points for Lance Henrikson though. He makes this movie a lot more watchable.
Cause for Hope: The writers of the first Predator might be regaining the rights to the property from Disney, which now "owns" it. There's a lawsuit underway now.
3. The Grudge
American reboot of a Japanese horror movie directed by the same Japanese director. There's a lot to like about this movie, but my favorite two things about it are that 1) they kept it in Japan, which, given the American characters in the film, adds a sense of alienation, and 2) they didn't hire some hack to redo a movie that was already working. Star Sarah Michelle Gellar is also great in this movie. It's definitely the best thing I've ever seen her in.
4. Cellular
A man (Chris Evans) tries to help a woman (Kim Basinger) abducted by a group of dirty cops. Parts of this movie are hard to take seriously, but overall it's a solid thriller with some interesting twists and turns.
Fun Fact: The same guy who wrote Phone Booth also wrote Cellular. What was the third movie in his trilogy? Smartphone?
5. Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events
I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this movie. In it three orphans are remanded to the care of their creepy uncle Jim Carrey. I wouldn't show it to young children (especially not that scene with the leeches), but if you enjoyed Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (either the book or the movies) you'll get this one right away.
Fun Fact: Originally planned as a film franchise to compete with Harry Potter, this movie instead spawned a Netflix TV series. None of those involved in the movie had anything to do with the TV show.
6. 50 First Dates
Corny as fuck but it works. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore star, and despite the emotionally manipulative nature of the script they manage to pull it off. It's a lot like Groundhog Day, except that Drew Barrymore is the one repeating the same day, not Adam Sandler.
7. Supervolcano
They needed a bigger budget, but the acting's solid, the script was good, and scientific accuracy was obviously a priority. Is it riveting throughout? Nope, but it was WAY better than I thought it would be.
Weird Enough to be Interesting
Liked Blade Runner? The Fifth Element? I can't promise you'll like Immortel, but you might. Egyptian gods return to Earth, various synthetic organisms vie for dominance, and two very strange people fall in love. The mix of computer-generated imagery and live action doesn't always work, but I'll watch Charlotte Rampling in anything.
In a way this movie anticipated 2005's Sin City. Immortel was also shot on a "digital backlot."
Fun Fact: The Frenchman who directed this movie also wrote the comic book that inspired it.
Some Bad Ones
1. Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation
Oh look, it's a bunch of footage recycled from the first one. With none of the irony. For the most part it's unwatchable.
2. Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle
I'll save you some time. Skip ahead to 23:30. There, they run out of the bathroom? That's the funniest part. The rest of the movie? Only funny if you find people pretending to be stoned funny. A lot of yesreryear's weed humor hasn't aged well.
3.Resident Evil: Apocalypse
Goddamn Umbrella Corporation! This time their evil shenanigans lead to the creation of a super zombie that looks a lot like Iron Maiden's mascot. Milla Jovovich, as one would expect, shows up at opportune times, exhibiting her kung fu badassery when necessary. I liked the first Resident Evil. This one? Not at all.
Fun Fact 1: There have been SIX of these movies, with a reboot on the way this year.
Fun Fact 2: Critics hate these movies, but they make truckloads of money.
Fun Fact 3: Thomas Kretschmann, the German actor who played the villain in this movie, also played Baron Strucker in Avengers: Age of Ultron.
4. Secret Window
Johnny Depp stars in this predictable Stephen King adaptation. Three huge problems:
a. Depp's character is both unlikable and impossible to sympathize with.
b. Anyone who knows Stephen King knows where this is going.
c. They cast Timothy Hutton, star of The Dark Half, as Depp's wife's lover. HUGE red flag.
In this movie's defense, John Turturro is good as Depp's "stalker." That, however, is all I have to say in favor of this movie.
5. Taxi
A cabbie with a need for speed assists a driving-impaired cop. Yes, you read that sentence correctly. Queen Latifa could always carry a movie... just not this one. This one is DUMB.
Buyer Beware: This is a remake of a much better French movie. Confuse the two at your peril!
So Bad It's Good
1. Poseidon Rex
The most surprising thing about this movie is that there was an actual visual effects studio that actually wanted to take credit for the visual effects in it.
So anyway, some guys trying to retrieve "Spanish gold" from the ocean awaken a prehistoric threat. After that point this movie makes almost zero sense.
And no, breast implant scientist lady, "Poseidon Rex" doesn't mean "king of the ocean." You might know how to work a telegraph without a letter chart, and you might how to decipher top secret military codes, but your Latin - or is it Greek? - is terrible.
Fun Fact: Mark L. Lester, the director of this movie, directed films as varied as Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw, Class of 1984 and Commando.
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