Some Other Movies From 2012 (2)

For further background on the year in film, please refer to the Some Other Movies From 2012 entry.

The following things happened in 2012:

• Violent protests occurred in Romania.
• Iran suspended oil exports to England and France.
• North Korea attempted to launch an observation satellite, which exploded shortly thereafter.
• Vladimir Putin was elected President of Russia.
• The Tokyo Skytree was opened to the public.
• China became the third country to successfully complete a space mission.
• The Summer Olympics were held in London, England.
• Barack Obama was reelected President of the United States.

Underlined titles were viewed on Netflix.

Excellent

1. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

This movie really gets high school.  The social awkwardness, the alienation, it's all there and evident to anyone who cares to take a step back.  The trouble is that so many of us were busy doubting ourselves at the time.  But take heart, high school students, life actually does get better.

The lead in this movie, Logan Lerman, is another example of perfect casting.  He spends most of this film with a look on his face that says the wrong word could break him into pieces.  What's more, Emma Watson is memorable as his romantic ideal, and this movie will remind you why Ezra Miller is in so many movies.  Between this film and We Need to Talk About Kevin his talent is obvious.

Fun Fact: The shop teacher in the beginning is played by Tom Savini.

Some Good Ones

1. Safe

Hey, it's Chris Sarandon!

Jason Statham stars as an ex-cop trying to rescue a girl caught between a Chinese gang, a Russian gang and a group of corrupt cops.  It's definitely one of Statham's best movies, even if the the police raid near the end is a bit implausible.  I love that shot of him hitting the stuntman with the back of the car, and then hitting the same stuntman again with the front of the car.  If you're into fight choreography you'll enjoy this one.

Fun Fact: Does that police captain look familiar?  If so, it's because he's played by Robert John Burke, who played Alex Murphy/Robocop in Robocop 3.

2. Rise of the Guardians

I joked in my review of The Santa Clause 2 about various mythical beings forming a "Justice League" or "Avengers" to combat fascism.  This movie actually does that.  They're not combating fascism of course, but rather fear in the shape of The Boogeyman.  It's a very boy-centric movie, but it works.

Fun Fact: Peter Ramsay, the director of this movie, co-directed Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse with two other directors.

3. Brave

As far as computer animation goes I'd rank Brave below Rise of the Guardians above.  I liked the Scottish setting, but it's a little too similar to the earlier Brother Bear.

Fun Fact: Disney registered the Clan DunBroch's tartan with the Scottish Register of Tartans.  The blue represents the North Sea, the red represents blood shed during the clan wars, and the green represents the Scottish Highlands.

4. Moonrise Kingdom

A scout goes missing on a remote island.  What was the last Wes Anderson movie I saw?  The Fantastic Mr. Fox?  Whichever it was, Moonrise Kingdom full of the same idiosyncratic dialogue, weird camera angles, scenes of people listing items, and characters who are trapped by an odd sense of formality.  I liked it, but didn't love it.

5. The Impossible

Hey, it's Tom Holland!

Besides Tom Holland, there's also Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts as tourists vacationing in Thailand just before a tsunami hits.  It seemed a bit heavy handed to me, but the special effects are great and Naomi Watts deserved the praise she received at the time.

Fun Fact: This was Tom Holland's first movie, not counting a Japanese cartoon which he'd voiced a character for.

6. Think Like a Man

Several male friends encounter several potential conquests versed in the art (and war) of sex.  It's cheesy as hell, and I'm not buying the reconciliation at the very end, but it's funny throughout.  There was a sequel in 2014, but critics liked that one even less.

7. Pitch Perfect

Surprisingly funny movie about a female a cappella group's path to glory. You'd think that Rebel Wilson makes this movie, but the rest of the cast is equally hilarious.

Some Bad Ones

1. Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines

Hey, it's Doug Bradley!

Several young people, all too stupid to be allowed to continue living, venture into a music festival held in hillbilly country.  Unlike Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings, which is so bad it's good, this one's just bad, and rather boring.

Fun Fact: Doug Bradley not only appeared in Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines, but also Hellraiser: Bloodline.  At one point in Wrong Turn 5 he even insults his fellow hillbillies by calling them "pinheads."

2. Snow White and the Huntsman

Disney goes all grimdark in an attempt to update their beloved classic for modern audiences. Chris Hemsworth must have filmed this either just before or just after The Avengers. It's very boring.

3. Resident Evil: Retribution

Faint praise indeed, but this one feels more like a video game.  At several points in the movie I couldn't help but look across the room at my Switch, and think about how I would defeat this particular boss, or navigate this particular level.

And for whatever it's worth I think Paul W.S. Anderson does have another good movie in him, just as I think Milla Jovovich has that kind of end-of-career, Oscar-worthy performance in her... if only the two of them could break out of the lucrative zombie purgatory they've fashioned for themselves.

As with Resident Evil: Afterlife the best thing about this movie is Tomandandy's score.  It's right on the money and adds a lot to a rather lackluster movie.

4. The Lucky One

A marine journeys to a small town to find his "guardian angel."  It was adapted from a Nicholas Sparks novel, so don't be surprised if damaged people are healed by the power of love.  Writing that last sentence made me a bit nauseous, but there it is.  The evil ex-husband character could have been developed a lot more.

On the Horizon: Zac Efron will be appearing in the Firestarter reboot which is filming now.  Rebooting 80s films like Firestarter makes a lot of sense to me.  The original wasn't that good, and in competent hands the reboot is likely to be better.

5. Lawless

There are some great scenes in this movie about Virginia bootleggers, and Guy Pearce steals every single one he's in.  But the whole of this movie is a lot less than the sum of its parts.  My biggest problems with it were the fact that parts of it are too dark, the music seems wrong, and the clothes don't seem to belong to the time period.

6. The Lorax

Animated adaptation of Dr. Seuss' preachiest book.  I have issues with the book, but the movie is even more troubling.  What were kids supposed to take away from this film?  Is it that we should grow more trees because they provide air for free?  That all companies are bad?  That all people are bad, and that they should not interact with nature in any way?  I really don't know, but whatever the message behind this movie was, I'm sure that Dr. Seuss rolls over in his grave every time someone watches it.

Two pet peeves of mine are this "save the Earth" mentality, and also the assumption that the economy is always at odds with the natural environment.  Save the Earth?  No, save yourselves.  The Earth will outlast our species, and assuming that we can live beyond a certain level of environmental degradation is just silly.  The economy vs. the environment?  Over a longer scale of time economic thinking IS environmental thinking, it's just that many individuals and groups take too short a view of how economically and environmentally sustainable their business models are.

...and now I'm the one preaching!  I'll get off my soapbox now.

7. The Vow

Quite possibly the corniest movie ever made.  I really can't figure out how Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams managed to say some of those lines without laughing.  I got about fifteen minutes in and had to stop.  "So Bad It's Good?"  Maybe, but it was early for me and the dialogue was making me ill.  In financial terms this movie was a smashing success, but oh, that dialogue...

So Bad It's Good, but Not as Bad as I Would Have Liked

1. Battleship

"You sunk my battleship!"

I started watching this and I'm like no, they didn't make a movie out of the board game, did they?  And then it slowly dawned on me that yes, they made a movie out of the board game, and yes, I'd better strap myself in because this is going to be terrible.  Were there also plans for an interconnected cinematic universe?  A movie world linking Battleship, Operation and Monopoly?  Lord, I hope so.

BUT the first half of this movie is actually quite boring, being a low grade mix of G.I. Joe (another Hasbro property) and Independence Day.  It doesn't get enjoyably bad until the second half, when yes, that hoped-for game of Battleship occurs.

The aliens in this movie, by the way, would have struggled against the aliens from Independence Day.  The aliens from that other science fiction spectacle were hampered by an operating system similar to Windows 95, whereas the aliens in Battleship are hampered by... the sun.  Yeah, you read that right - the sun.  Apparently they traveled across interstellar space without overcoming the problem of UV radiation, and also failed to developed vehicles that could fly properly.

Fun Fact 1: The studio considered cancelling this movie during pre-production, but some genius decided it was better to double down and increase the budget.  I assume this genius is no longer working for Universal.

Fun Fact 2: This movie was, as you might expect, a huge disaster for everyone involved.  For the most part everyone in the cast lived to tell the tale, but those press functions must have been rough.

Related Entries:

Some Other Movies From 2011 (2)

Some Other Movies From 2010 (2)

Movies of the Late 2000s, Ranked in the Order I Enjoyed Them

Some Other Movies From 2009 (2)

Some Other Movies From 2012

2012 was the year Marvel's The Avengers came out.  At the time of writing this movie is the sixth highest-grossing film of all time, having been overshadowed by the more recent Avengers: Infinity War.

As years go, 2012 was a good one for movies.  Besides The Avengers, 2012 also saw the release of Skyfall, one of the best Bond movies, and also Argo, Silver Linings Playbook, and Django Unchained.  One of my personal favorites from that year is The Master, a film loosely based on L. Ron Hubbard's early years and starring Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix.

Some Good Ones

1. A Royal Affair

Danish film about a German doctor who develops a dangerous relationship with the Danish royal family.  Alicia Vikander is at her most breathtakingly beautiful, and Mads Mikkelsen is excellent as Dr. Struensee.

2. Act of Valor

A team of Navy SEALS haphazardly violate the sovereignty of other countries.  This movie is so manly it has an enormous erection, pointed directly at your face.  The action bits are good, but unfortunately the (real) Navy SEALS involved are terrible actors.  Thankfully their dialogue is minimal, and it's never too long before the action starts up again.

3. Safe House

Kinda like Assault on Precinct 13, but with spies and set in South Africa.  Ryan Reynolds plays the same character he played in Smokin' Aces, and Denzel Washington characteristically chews the scenery.  It's not great by any stretch of the imagination, but definitely watchable.

4. Trouble with the Curve

Clint Eastwood stars as an ageing baseball scout, with Amy Adams as his estranged daughter.  Whoever wrote the script did an excellent job, even if the fact that NONE of the other scouts notice the baseball hopeful's trouble with curveballs seems a bit implausible. 

5. This is 40

I liked this movie a lot more than I thought I would.  I suppose the fact that I'm now 43, with daughters of similar ages helped.  The wife character is hard to relate to, but Paul Rudd is consistently funny.

6. Deadfall

If this had been a Quentin Tarantino movie, he would have worked that dinner table scene at the end TO DEATH.  Thankfully this isn't a Tarantino movie, and is instead a well put together film about two robbers trying to escape to Canada.  Eric Bana shows the kind of acting chops he evidenced in films like Munich, and Olivia Wilde is also good as his sister.

7. Katy Perry: Part of Me

A tour in the life of Katy Perry.  In 2012 she was at the peak of her career, and my daughters were counted among her biggest fans.  This tour diary details her quest to capture the hearts of 14 year olds everywhere, and also her battle against cellulite.  Oh - and her marriage to Russel Brand also disintegrates.  It's a fairly interesting look at pop music in 2012, and affirms the fact that yes, behind every Katy Perry is a freaking ARMY of gay men.

8. Quartet

Dustin Hoffman directed this movie about several musicians in a retirement home.  It loses momentum about 3/4 of the way through, but Billy Connelly delivers one of his best performances.

9. The House at the End of the Street

A mother (Elizabeth Shue) and daughter (Jennifer Lawrence) find out they might have a killer living next door.  It's a decent horror movie with some good twists, and one, state park-sized plot hole.

Some Bad Ones

1. Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie

Not even Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly could save this one.  Two guys decide to manage a mall after losing a billion dollars.  There are a couple of funny bits in it, but the majority of jokes fail to land.

Fun Fact: This movie opened in only 24 theaters worldwide.  It made a little over $200,000 in the U.S. during its theatrical run.

2. The Devil Inside

Found footage movie about exorcisms.  It's super boring, and the ending is a real cop-out.  What's more, I can't think of a single good thing to say about it.

3. Man on a Ledge

Sam Worthington!  Remember him?  In 2012 he was still riding high off the success of both Clash of the Titans and Avatar, though six years later his name is less familiar.  Maybe that Avatar sequel - whenever it does actually come out - will put him on the map once again.

In Man on a Ledge he plays an ex-con trying to prove his innocence through an elaborate scheme involving a suicide attempt.  The only problem is the scheme is TOO elaborate, and by the end of the movie the whole thing's so implausible that one has trouble paying attention to the various plot twists.  And why, in this type of movie, are dirty cops always trying to execute people on the roofs of buildings?  Aren't they worried about all the windows, and how visible they probably are?

This said, Man on a Ledge received a higher RT score than the above-listed Act of Valor - which just goes to show that most people prefer giant plot holes to formulaic action.

Fun Fact #1: Before he was cast in Avatar, Worthington was so down on his luck that he was living in his car.

Fun Fact #2: Worthington auditioned for the role of James Bond in the early 2000s, but lost out to Daniel Craig.

4. Project X

Three high school students throw a party that quickly spins out of control.  It's another one those found footage thingamajigs, and it's shockingly unfunny.  During the whole 2 hour runtime I laughed maybe once.  Just go see Superbad again.  It's way better.

5. Red Tails

Executive produced by George Lucas, this story of negro pilots during WWII is full of his signature bad/over-expository dialogue - and worse acting.  About twenty minutes in you start to feel sorry for Michael B. Jordan, who had much better movies waiting in his future.

Also can't help but think the insubordinate nature of the pilots' conversations is somewhat disrespectful to the memory of the Tuskegee airmen.  How would they have been able to function without some kind of military discipline?  And who would have trusted them if they didn't?

6. The Words

This movie's well acted and it tries very hard to be deep, but it's SLOW.  Several writers cross paths, both in reality and in their imaginations.  The cast is great and I wanted to like it, but I fell asleep - twice - after the halfway mark.

7. The Guilt Trip

Barbara Streisand stars as the overbearing mother, with Seth Rogen as her henpecked son.  And of course they travel cross-country by car.  And of course zany things happen.  And of course by the end they've reaffirmed their love for another.  Most damning of all, this movie just isn't funny.

8. Cheerful Weather for the Wedding

A bride has second thoughts on the eve of her wedding.  It's well acted but terribly boring.  I made it halfway through before sleep overcame me.

Two So Bad They're Kind of Good

1. Red Dawn

Once again a group of young Americans practice insurgency in the face of an ill-defined invasion.  Chris Hemsworth does his best with a terrible script, and the North Koreans display an almost complete lack of military know-how.  If the original was the movie the NRA really wanted you to see, the remake is more like something the Trump Administration hopes you identify with.  (God damn North Koreans!  Coming over here and stealing our jobs!  Time to build another wall!)

Fun Fact #1: the villains were originally supposed to be Chinese.  The studio, however, was worried about alienating both Chinese investors and Chinese moviegoers, so at the last minute they changed the villains' nationality.  They even went so far as to digitally change signs from Chinese to Korean.

Fun Fact #2: The movie is set in Spokane, Washington, with a few exterior shots in Seattle, but most of it was actually shot in Michigan.

2. The Man with the Iron Fists

The Rizza and the Asian Dolph Lundgren use kung fu to mutilate bad guys.  This movie is so bad it's positively endearing.  And full of hot women, too!

But wait!  Isn't this movie, like, cultural appropriation?  And isn't cultural appropriation BAD?  Or is it ok when other (American) minorities appropriate Chinese culture?  Should I take to the Interwebs over this one, championing the cause of social justice?  Or should I applaud the fact that everyone in this movie (aside from Russell Crowe) could be counted among the oppressed?  I'm so confused!  Someone tell me what to do!

Fun Fact #1: to confuse matters further, this film was shot in Shanghai, and did pretty well in China.

Fun Fact #2: there were plans to crossover this film with Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained, but scheduled conflicts prevented RZA from appearing in Tarantino's film.

Related Entries:

A Review of Every Marvel Movie from 2008 to the Present (Revised as of July 4, 2018)
Some Other Movies From 2010
Some Other Movies From 2008
Rooting for the Rogues

"The Best American Science Writing: 2012," edited by Michio Kaku

"To those who find the Many Worlds Interpretation needlessly baroque, Deutsch writes, 'the quantum theory of parallel universes is not the problem - it is the solution... It is the explanation - the only one that is tenable - of a remarkable and counterintuitive reality.'  The theory also explains how quantum computers might work.  Deutsch told me that a quantum computer would be 'the first technology that allows useful tasks to be performed in collaboration between parallel universes.'  The quantum computer's processing power would come from a kind of outsourcing of work, in which calculations literally take place in other universes.  Entangled particles would function as paths of communication among different universes, sharing information and gathering the results.  So, for example, with the case of Shor's algorithm, Deutsch said, 'When we run such an algorithm, countless instances of us are also running it in other universes (by creating a superposition) and as a result they perform part of the computation on a huge variety of different inputs.  Later, those values affect each other, and thereby all contribute to the final answer, in just such a way that the same answer appears in all the universes.'"

Great, you say in your particular universe, but why is he reviewing the 2012 edition of "The Best American Science Writing"?  Why not the 2013 edition?  The answer, my universal friend, is that the 2013 edition was not available in this universe.  In an adjacent universe, they had the 2013 edition, and I reviewed that one.  Perhaps one day I can view that review on my own quantum computer, and thereby discover whether or not the 2013 edition was superior to the 2012 edition.  Yes, that makes sense.  I think.

This book covers a wide range of science topics, but my favorite articles, save one, fell within the domain of physics.  The two "psychological" articles ("Beautiful Brains" and "Criminal Minds") are pure crap, but the rest of this book is fairly interesting.  As you might have guessed from the above quote, my favorite article was the one about quantum computers.  The article at the very end of the book, "God Knows Where I Am," dealing with mental illness and public policy, is also very good.

I'll be reviewing the 2013 version when I come across it.  Unless another version of myself, writing in another universe, posts it here first!