"The Silk Roads" by Peter Frankopan (2015)

"There is more going on, then, than the clumsy interventions of the west in Iraq and Afghanistan and the use of pressure in Ukraine, Iran and elsewhere.  From east to west, the silk roads are rising up once more."

Peter Frankopan is a Professor of Global History at Oxford University.  At the time of writing he's written one other book: The First Crusade: The Call from the East.

The Wikipedia entry for this book is, by the way, awful.  The criticisms expressed there are valid, but someone needs to add a better synopsis and revise the Reception section.  I'd do it, but hey, I'm doing this!

So what's The Silk Roads about?  Put in simple terms, it claims to be "a new history of the world" in which the middle east is repositioned at the center of world history and politics.  This of course makes a certain amount of sense if you venture far enough back into Antiquity, into the time when Greece and Rome contended with the might of the Persian Empire.  It even makes a certain amount of sense if you move forward from Antiquity to the Middle Ages, and from there to the years just after the First World War, when countries were scrambling to secure supplies of oil.  But I'm not sure if it works for every time period, especially considering how various empires and caliphates in the region inevitably crumbled over time.

I'm also not sure that it works for the modern era, given the state that some middle eastern countries are in today.  Then there's the fact that the author adds and subtracts China from his equations in the most arbitrary manner.  He's very positive in how he views China's role on the world stage (when it suits his arguments), but the picture he paints of that country is extremely selective.  The closing chapter of this book is also, to put it charitably, wildly optimistic in how it views what seemed like a middle eastern resurgence in 2015.  Things in China aren't looking so rosy now, Israel's bombing the hell out of Palestine, and Russia's still mired in its invasion of the Ukraine, so... what were we talking about again?

It's a decent survey of the region's history, but it's funny how even the author can't seem to stick to his own topic.  At certain moments he can't help but jump into the history of Europe and North America, a fact which undermines his argument that what was happening in the middle east, during the same time period, was what was most important.

There's not much in The Silk Roads that you won't remember from any survey of World History class, but I did learn a few interesting tidbits.  I doubt I'll read the author's other book, but this book, given its size, was fairly easy to get through.

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"The Winter Fortress" by Neal Bascomb (2016)

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"The Winter Fortress" by Neal Bascomb (2016)

"Wallis Jackson, Bill Bray, and the twenty-eight other Royal Engineers were well primed for their operation.  They ate sandwiches and smoked cigarettes outside the Nissen huts on the barren seaside Scottish moor that made up Skitten airfield.  There was some banter, the false bravado of men about to head into action.  Others handled their nerves in silence.  There would be a final briefing, but they already knew what they needed to know: they were heading to Norway to blow up a power station and hydrogen plant."

Neal Bascomb is a former journalist who's written several nonfiction books on World War II.

In The Winter Fortress several Norwegians escape their country during the German occupation of Norway.  They flee to the United Kingdom, where they're trained as commandos at a camp in Scotland.  Their mission?  To destroy or disable an electrical plant producing heavy water, a material used in German nuclear research.

In relation to the historical record, this book introduces one of the more interesting chapters in World War II history.  Norway isn't often discussed in the context of the war, and the German effort to develop a uranium-fueled nuclear reaction is also left outside of most discussions of the time period.  The commandos sent back into Norway are also interesting in their own right, being men of great personal fortitude tasked with a near-impossible feat.

In dramatic terms, however, I'm not sure whether or not the author really "found the story" in the events which constitute The Winter Fortress.  For one thing, the Germans really weren't that far along in their nuclear research, and framing this tale as a "race against time" doesn't really work.  So what if the Nazis secured a supply of heavy water?  Didn't they have bigger problems on their eastern front?  And weren't they somewhat incapacitated by an internal focus on a rocket program and squabbling between ambitious scientists?  It's hard to imagine the German scientists, laboring as they were in increasingly primitive conditions, developing a fission bomb with the resources at their disposal.  The German nuclear program was at best a pale shadow of the Manhattan Project, so aside from the usual Nazi thuggery it's hard to view the Nazi's nuclear ambitions as much of a threat.

And then there's the fact that many of the best minds in Germany had already left that country during the early years of Hitler's rise to power.  During the events related in The Winter Fortress, they were, in fact, on the other side of the Atlantic, working on the Manhattan Project.  The German atomic program, by contrast, couldn't even get the complete cooperation of companies within Germany.

Lastly, considered from the point of view of style, The Winter Fortress reads at times like a lower grade spy novel.  The author often attempts, somewhat clumsily, to end chapters on cliffhangers, a strategy that sometimes mediates against the book's more serious tone.

Were I to give it a score, I'd say 7 stars out of 10.  It presents some interesting episodes from the Second World War, and also some riveting stories of survival, but I feel that The Winter Fortress is very rough around the edges.  Focusing on a single commando might have improved it, or if not that then restricting the narrative to a shorter time frame.  But as it is The Winter Fortress doesn't achieve the epic sweep its author was obviously aiming for, seeming instead like something rushed into print before he was ready to provide the fullest account of this overlooked series of events.

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"Chip War" by Chris Miller (2022)

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Still More 70s Movies

I'll be adding to this as I go.

1. Survival (1975)

HOW LONG WILL GOD HAVE

PATIENCE WITH US BEFORE

HE DOES SOMETHING DRASTIC

TO GET OUR ATTENTION?

There's a lot to unpack here:

1. Are we assuming that God, that being present since the beginning of the world, has a limited supply of patience?  And that, moreover, He can run out of patience?

2. What' does "drastic" mean in the context of an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient diety?  Drastic for whom?

3. Can't God command our attention any time He wants to?  Or is that somehow against the rules that He Himself has set forth?

And what's the deal with that prologue anyway?  That doesn't sound like any part of the Bible I ever read.  There are bits of the Bible in there, yes, but also a lot of assumptions that are new to me.

The Premise: A family is stranded in the desert after a plane crash.

Where Are They Now?: Star Robert Sella most recently appeared on the Law & Order: Special Victims Unit TV show.  Yes, careers can survive even the likes of Survival.

Overall: A Christian movie!  Praise be!  I'm going to go ahead and assume that those who made this movie were high on THE LORD and nothing else.  So weird, so badly acted and so terrible it's worth checking out.

2. The Horror at 37,000 Feet (1973)

Barnaby Jones!  Vague memories of that show...

The Premise: Passengers aboard a flight from England to the States find their travel plans thwarted by an ancient artifact.

Where Are They Now?: Most recently William Shatner appeared on The Masked Singer.  According to Wikipedia he now spends a lot of time arguing with people online.

Paul Winfield passed away in 2004.  His film and television work came to an end in 2003.

Chuck Connors, that quintessential "Western type," passed away in 1992.  His last big movie was Airplane II: The Sequel.

Overall: The first half of this movie is solid, but the second half features, unfortunately, William Shatner doing a less than convincing impression of what Gene Hackman did in The Poseidon Adventure the year before.

3. Mayday at 40,000 Feet (1976)

Yeah, it was the 70s.  Airplane movies were a thing.  Which flavor do YOU prefer?  "Hostage" or "disaster?"  Maybe both?

The Premise: Things go very, very wrong for a group of passengers flying from Salt Lake City to New York.

Where Are They Now?: Ah, Marjoe Gortner, that pillar of Western cinema.  His last movie was 1995's Wild Bill.  He's still alive, but I couldn't find any details concerning his current whereabouts.

Overall: It starts off well, but pacing is an issue.  I get that they were filming for television, but a lot of the middle section could have been cut out.

4. Too Late the Hero (1970)

I will always think Cliff Robertson deserved another Oscar for Obsession.  Anyone who thinks otherwise can fight me!

The Premise: Robertson, Michael Caine and Denholm Elliot lead a squad of British soldiers in an attack on an Imperial Japanese outpost.

Where Are They Now?: Cliff Robertson died in 2011 at the ripe old age of 88.  His last screen appearance was a cameo as Uncle Ben in Sam Raimi's Spider Man 3.

Michael Caine is now ten years younger than Cliff Robertson was in 2011.  Retired as of this year, 2023's The Great Escaper will be his and (the great) Glenda Jackson's final appearances on film.

Denholm Elliot passed on in 1992.  He was a casualty of the AIDS epidemic.

Director Robert Aldrich had some hits in the 60s, but from the 70s onward his career was definitely winding down.  He directed The Dirty Dozen, Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? and The Longest Yard.  He and Cliff Robertson despised one another.  Robertson was only cast in this movie over Aldrich's objections.

Overall: There are some great scenes between the principal actors, but the score really hurts this movie.  On top of this there's also the ending, which falls completely flat.  Did that character carrying the essential intelligence really just walk right back into the shooting gallery?  How could anyone know that all of the Japanese had left the scene?

5. Rituals (a.k.a. The Creeper) (1977)

The Premise: A party of doctors find themselves stalked through the wilderness by a mysterious assailant.

Where Are They Now?: Hal Holbrook passed away in 2021.  He was in a lot of great 70s and 80s movies, including The Great White Hope, All the President's Men and Wall Street.

Overall: This movie still enjoys a following, but in my opinion it too closely resembles 1972's Deliverance, which is a far better film.  Another problem is the ending.  The dialogue seems to be building up to some kind of plot twist, but this plot twist never really arrives.

6. The Clown Murders (1976)

Like Rituals, another Canadian effort.

The Premise: Several friends engage in a "prank" which leads to serious consequences for everyone involved.

Where Are They Now?: John Candy!  Yep, he's in this.  This was his fourth movie, following Tunnel Vision, which came out the same year.  Anyone else remember that one?

Overall: A well written, well acted movie that suffers from lower production values (especially the sound).  The order in which certain scenes were edited is a mystery, but overall it was much better than I thought it would be.

7. Lovers and Other Strangers (1970)

I'd heard about this one... 

The Premise: Several in attendance at a young couple's wedding question the nature of love, marriage and other human relationships.

Where Are They Now?: Bonnie Bedelia!  She'd go on to play Bruce Willis' wife in 1988's Die Hard.  Most recently she was in 2023's The Hill.

Diane Keaton steals a few scenes toward the end of this film.  She was around 24 at the time and this was her first movie.  She'd appear in The Godfather two years later, and Annie Hall five years after that.  She'll be appearing alongside Kathy Bates and Alfre Woodard in Summer Camp in May 2024.

Overall: It's on the talky side, and I have to admit I spaced out for a few minutes while watching it, yet it remains a charming movie full of memorable exchanges.

Fun Fact: Both Jerry Stiller and Sylvester Stallone are in this movie for a second.  Neither appear in the end credits.

8. I Walk The Line (1970)

Nope, not the Johnny Cash biopic starring Joaquin Phoenix, but rather a much older movie by John Frankenheimer with a Johnny Cash soundtrack.

The Premise: A small town sheriff finds his life upended after crossing paths with a family of local bootleggers.

Where Are They Now?: Gregory Peck lived the ripe old age of 87, and went to his great reward in 2003.  His last big movie (which was a remake of a movie he'd originally starred in) was 1991's Cape Fear.

Sometime after I Walk the Line Tuesday Weld married actor Dudley Moore.  She had her share of famous boyfriends and husbands.  The 70s were a high point for her, and even though she's done both movies and TV since she's remained, for the most part, out of the spotlight.

Charles Durning, who plays Gregory Peck's deputy, passed away in 2012.  He was one of the great character actors, with a filmography stretching all the way back to 1962.

Fun Fact: Several characters in Lovers and Other Strangers (above) watch scenes from Spellbound in which Gregory Peck appears.

Overall: Somewhat out of left field for Frankenheimer, but an excellent movie nonetheless.  Gregory Peck was a master when it came to playing conflicted, morally compromised characters, and the rest of the cast is perfect.

9. The California Kid (1974)

The Premise: Martin Sheen uses his kickass car to bring a homicidal sheriff to justice.

Where Are They Now?: Martin Sheen's filmography stretches back to 1967.  He wasn't quite famous when The California Kid appeared on TV (at that point his biggest movie was the arthouse hit Badlands), but he was well on his way to being a star.  He has a movie, Lost and Found in Cleveland, in post-production now.  It's worth mentioning that his younger brother Joe Estevez is also in The California Kid.

Nick Nolte was much newer to the screen in 1974.  He also has a movie, Eugene the Marine, due out at some point.

Vic Morrow, who plays the evil sheriff here, famously died in a helicopter crash during the making of Twilight Zone: The Movie.

Overall: It's not a bad movie.  Derivative, yes, but not bad.

10. Firepower (1979)

The Premise: James Coburn, Sophia Loren and O.J. Simpson (!) try to bring down a crime boss.

Where Are They Now?: James Coburn died in 2002.

Sophia Loren is still around.  There was a documentary about her, What Would Sophia Loren Do?, which came out in 2021.  Her filmography might be the longest here, stretching as it does all the way back to 1950.

O.J. Simpson died this year.  But of course if you've used the internet recently you probably already knew that.

Overall: This movie serves as a reminder that it doesn't matter how many plot twists you load into a motion picture if none of the characters are compelling.  Coburn does stuff, O.J. assists and Loren is left o react to everything.

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Some Other Movies From 2024

I'll be adding to this as the year progresses.

1. Argylle

Just awful.  One of the worst movies I've seen in a long, long time and that's saying a lot.  The thing that really killed me, aside from the sappy dialogue exchanged between Bryce Dallas Howard and Sam Rockwell, is that scene where she skates over oil while fighting off bad guys.  I can only hope director Matthew Vaughn makes better choices in the future.

2. Dune: Part Two

Definitely better than the first one, but three hours without an intermission is asking a lot.  I liked that they showed more of the tech in this film, and also that we saw more of the other planets.  The bit on Geidi Prime was, for me, the best part of the movie.

I'd watch Dune Messiah, but if it's even longer than Dune: Part Two I might pass on seeing it in the theater.

3. Damsel

She's a princess but she's tough!  It's kinda Disney until they throw her to her death, and after that you wonder what kind of exercise regimen she was pursuing in her princess castle up to that point.  I'm guessing that EVERY day was arm day.

If you happen to be a fourteen year old girl you'll be all over this one.  If not you'll be wondering why you bothered.

4. Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire

To quote Taylor Swift: "Haters gonna hate."  Likewise, monsters gonna STOMP.

I like movies about big, stompy monsters.  Correction: I really, really like movies about big, stompy monsters.  What's that, you say?  Rome is in danger?  Hong Kong is about to be destroyed for the thousandth time?  The people of Los Angeles are fleeing?  There's panic in the streets in New York?  Tokyo come in, Tokyo?  Tokyo?  Whatever it is, sign me up, I'm ready.

My favorite parts of this movie were the blogger's pseudo-explanations and the idea that a team of people, somewhere, possibly working for a national government, decided to make a giant robotic arm for the gigantic ape.  I never, in other words, expected any of it to make sense.  I was there for the stomping.

5. Kung Fu Panda 4

By-the-numbers sequel to the lucrative franchise.  I laughed twice, and the remainder of the movie was forgettable fun.  I've got to say, Jack Black kills it singing that Britney Spears cover.  No idea whether or not autotune was involved, but it sounded authentic to me.

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Academy Award Winners: 1931-1939

"The Jealousy Man" by Jo Nesbo (2021)

I recently reviewed Jo Nesbo's The Snowman.  That review can be found here.

The Jealousy Man is a collection of the author's short stories.  One of these stories, the last one, is excellent, while the other 11 range from implausible to pretty good.

The story for which this anthology is named felt a bit uneven to me.  On the one hand I enjoyed its Greek tragedy aspect, but the way in which the narrator gets the perpetrator to confess seemed very contrived to me.

Another, very long story/novella which takes up nearly half this collection's length was so depressing I had to put it down and rest for long periods.  It was clearly written in the midst of COVID, and it explores a kind of standing argument between a lawyer and a rich friend accustomed to exploiting his position.

The story which begins the book is good, if a little predictable.  A woman meets a handsome stranger on a plane and fate intervenes.

The last story in this collection was by far my favorite.  This story, set in a future ruled by corporations that employ assassins against one another with near-impunity, reminded me of the manga Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and if that reference goes over your head this story probably isn't for you.  Let's just say it gets weird and I like "weird" a lot.

The other stories?  Honestly I can't remember them that well, so I won't discuss them here.  I think that overall this collection is worth seeking out, though I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as The Snowman.  I'm guessing that the author was attempting to stretch out from the crime fiction genre with some of these stories, but I'm thinking that his more genre-specific books are, on average, better.

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"Redshirts" by John Scalzi (2012)

"'Yes, and I have training dealing with deep, existential questions,' Dahl said, 'The way I'm dealing with it right now is this: I don't care whether I really exist or don't, whether I'm real or fictional.  What I want right now is to be the person who decides my own fate.  That's something I can work on.  It's what I'm working on now.'"

John Scalzi is a science fiction writer living in California.  He's known for both his novels and his blog Whatever, which delves into a variety of topics.

This is the first of his novels that I've read, though I've heard his name mentioned for many years now.  He seems to have a very loyal following, and after reading Redshirts I can understand why.

In Redshirts several "extras" living out a television show come to grips with the fact that the situations in which they find themselves aren't as authentic as they once assumed, and as they delve deeper into their predicament they become aware of a much larger reality beyond the confines of their starship.

Highlighting this narrative is the author's sense of humor.  Imagine Philip K. Dick, for example, getting "recursive and meta" (to use Scalze's words), but instead of retreating into his usual hopelessness and paranoia PKD stops to crack a joke.  This ability to poke fun at his characters while telling challenging stories is what sets Scalze apart from many other writers.

My only complaint is the three "extra chapters" tacked on to the end of this book.  In my opinion these "codas" were completely unnecessary, and their more serious tone brought down what was otherwise a fun little jaunt through a universe not too far removed from Star Trek.  These extra chapters seem more like unsuccessful attempts at the original novel, and while two of the three would work well as short stories, they're really too different in tone to bear inclusion alongside Redshirts, the main narrative.

I look forward to reading more of Scalzi's books in the future.  I haven't seen any in the bookstores I frequent, but perhaps I'll stumble across something by him in the summer.

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"The Ministry for the Future" by Kim Stanley Robinson (2020)

"If I could get policymakers, and citizens, everywhere to read just one book this year, it would be Kim Stanley Robinson's The Ministry for the Future."

--Ezra Klein, Vox

But why?  What are these policymakers and citizens supposed to get out of this book?  Does it offer any realistic solutions to the problem of climate change?  None that I could see...

"Masterly."

--New Yorker

Agree to disagree?  I think that in terms of story and characterization this book is an abysmal failure.

"Robinson is the SF writer of my lifetime, and this stands as some of his best work.  It's my book of the year."

--Locus

Nope.  There are much better SF writers out there.  This also isn't even close to Robinson's best work.  2312 was much better, and even Green Mars, which I also read a while back, was more interesting.

"A breathtaking look at the challenges that face our planet in all their sprawling magnitude and also in their intimate, individual moments of humanity."

--Booklist

If you ask me, "humanity" is exactly what's missing from large swathes of this book.  The chapters near the beginning and end have some dramatic impact, but everything between them consists of a long, tiresome lecture on climate change which adjoins a series of impractical solutions to this problem, none of which are explained to anyone's satisfaction.  Given the time scale involved, this novel is even more fantastical than books dealing with the terraforming of Mars, human reactions to a "first contact," or any number of other science fiction tropes.

"The Ministry for the Future serves as a blueprint for how we can throw climate change into reverse and actually reverse the amount of carbon in the atmosphere over the next three decades."

--Mashable

Really?  I'm not seeing much of a "blueprint" here.  What I'm seeing instead is a series of increasingly impractical ideas that are never explained in full.  If you'll excuse the pun, the author is on firmer ground when it comes to "geoengineering," but some of the chapters offering economic solutions to the climate change problem are downright laughable.  

Most galling of all is the author's dismissal of the online architecture in which many of us function.  It's like he's never heard of Google and the other corporations who hold so much sway over modern life, not to mention the ease with which this "Ministry for the Future" renders something like Facebook obsolete.  Does he really think that the rest of us haven't heard of blockchain?  Or end-to-end encryption?

... anyway, by now you're well aware that I didn't like this book.  It's long-winded, it's extremely pretentious (in particular the "riddle" chapters), and in narrative terms it's a mess.  Perhaps most infuriating of all is the fact that the workings of the Ministry of the Future itself are never described in any detail, to the point that we're left with only the understanding that they somehow "do things," without ever knowing how.

Some of the other blurbs on or inside this book go on to color The Ministry for the Future as "utopian."  This description is, to some extent, accurate, but I think that doing so does a disservice to other utopian novels, many of which were much better executed.

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Still More 80s Movies 2

1. North Star (1986)

I'm gratified that movies this dumb exist.  Sure, it's a TV pilot, but just the same people bothered to make it -- Lord only knows why.

The Premise: An astronaut exposed to UV light (yes, that's right, sunlight) develops superhuman powers.

Where Are They Now?: The most recognizable member of the cast will be Sonny Landham, who appeared in Predator.  He played the villain in North Star the previous year.  He died of congestive heart failure in 2017.

Overall: It'll take an hour from your life, but it will be an hour well spent.

2. The Chilling (1989)

The Premise: Those associated with an unscrupulous cryogenics facility find themselves in trouble after a thunderstorm.

Where Are They Now?: I highly recommend Linda Blair's entry on Wikipedia.  Very few actresses have experienced as many ups and downs as she has.  From The Exorcist, to cocaine, to the pages of Oui, to Rick James, to scream queen, to animal rights activist... whatever's been done in Hollywood she's probably done it and come out the other side smiling.  Most recently she appeared in 2023's The Exorcist: Believer.

The end credits of The Chilling poke fun at Dan Haggerty, who played Grizzly Adams on the famous TV show.  He appeared in movies up until the mid 2010s, though you're not likely to have seen any of these films.

Overall: The first half resembles a low budget Coma knockoff, and the second half takes an inexplicable left turn into zombie territory.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but in this instance that only means it wasn't bad enough to be worth watching.

3. Arena (1989)

Thor: Ragnarok my ass!  Arena's where it's at!  

Naw, just kidding.  Arena is... not amazing.

The Premise: I want to say "MMA in space," but MMA wasn't as much of a thing in 1989.  Instead I'll say "Kickboxing in space."

Where Are They Now?: The star of this movie, Paul Satterfield, did a lot of soap operas.  He's a teacher now.

I remembered Satterfield's costar, Claudia Christian.  Like Satterfield she did a lot of TV, and these days she's the CEO of the C Three Foundation, an organization battling alcoholism.

Overall: If you can overlook the low production values it's actually a well-written movie.  It would work equally well as a science fiction movie or as a sports movie set on Earth.  Is Arena going to blow your mind?  Nope, it's a typical late 80s direct-to-video cheesefest, but this particular cheesefest never gets boring.

4. Get Crazy (1983)

The Premise: It's New Year's Eve, 1982, and the Saturn Theater is going to ring in the new year with the most epic concert ever.

Where Are They Now?: Daniel Stern hasn't done much film work since the City Slickers and Home Alone movies.  These days he's more of a sculptor.

Actress Gail Edwards went on to a career in TV.  She's set to appear in Fuller House, the sequel to the Full House television series.

Ed Begley Jr. divides his time between TV and the theater.

Malcom McDowell -- remember him?  He seems to be more of a voice actor now, though he does pop up in the occasional movie.  Few other actors did the late 70s like he did.  It must have been quite a ride.

Overall: Get Crazy's zany sense of humor and its tiresome drug references haven't aged well, even if some of the cameos are fun.  It'll remind you a bit of the far superior Blues Brothers, which came out three years before, or even older "crazy night out" movies like Thank God It's Friday, but taken on its own merits it's not very good.

5. Night of the Comet (1984)

The Premise: A passing comet triggers a zombie apocalypse.

Where Are They Now?: Catherine Mary Stewart, who also appeared in The Last Starfighter and Weekend at Bernie's, is doing television now.

Overall: It's not a bad movie.  I've seen people on Reddit describe it as "classic," but I wouldn't go that far.  On the whole it's basically The Omega Man set in the 80s with a couple interesting twists near the end.

6. Clash of the Warlords (a.k.a. "Mad Warrior") (1984)

The Premise: Uh... Mad Max... or maybe Fist of the North Star... via the Philippines?

Where Are They Now?: No idea.  I could research it, but how deep into the Philippine movie industry are we willing to go?

Overall: Couldn't make heads or tails of the plot, and they must've made this movie for peanuts.

7. Galaxy of Terror (1981)

A Roger Corman joint.

The Premise: About 4/5 of this movie is a blatant Alien knockoff.  The remaining 1/5 takes a detour into late 70s-style tripiness.

Where Are They Now?: The most recognizable member of the cast is Robert Englund, who'd go on to play Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.  He recently hosted a travel show.

But wait!  Check that Production Designer credit!  Is that... James Cameron?  The James Cameron?  Yes, it is!

Overall: It's almost worth watching for the last 20 minutes.  It made me wonder -- what if they'd taken that route with the Alien movies?  What if the entirety of the xenomorphs' planet was some kind of fear-induced simulation?  Intended as part of some rite of initiation?  It's an interesting concept to think about.

8. Deep Space (1988)

The most inexplicable thing in this movie is the two cops taking the "rocks" from the crime scene.  It's like... why?

The Premise: Yet another "hard boiled cop(s) vs. predatory alien(s)" movie.  There were a lot of them in the 80s.

Where Are They Now?: Charles Napier may be familiar as the bad guy in Rambo: First Blood Part II.  He began his acting career working for Russ Meyer and moved on to higher profile films in the 80s, 90s and early 2000s.  His last big movie was the Denzel Washington version of The Manchurian Candidate.  He passed away in 2011.

Julie Newmar is in Deep Space for a few minutes.  She famously played Catwoman in the Batman TV show.  She's still doing movies and television.  At the time of writing she's 91 years old.

Bo Svenson, who plays the police captain (or lieutenant, or whatever) in Deep Space has had an interesting life.  He was born in Sweden, served as a personal bodyguard to the king of Sweden, served as a U.S. marine, raced cars professionally in Florida, and won a championship in judo -- all before starting an acting career.  He's been in a ton of movies.  It's worth noting that he both starred in 1978's The Inglorious Bastards and Quentin Tarantino's 2009 film Inglourious Basterds.

Overall: 80s sci fi/horror schlock.  The gory bits at the end are oddly satisfying though.

9. Below the Belt (1980)*

The Premise: A woman between relationships pursues a career in professional wrestling.

Where Are They Now?: No one in this movie seems to have gone on to fame and fortune.

Overall: "Rosa's theme" really wears out its welcome, but otherwise this is a good movie.  One of the best I've seen in a while.

10. Blastfighter (1984)

The Premise: An ex-cop with a supergun takes on evil hunters.

Where Are They Now?: Michael Sopkiw now imports and distributes glass bottles into the state of California.

Overall: The first half is like every other 80s cop movie you've ever seen, and the second is a First Blood ripoff.  All of this by way of Italy, where many of the cast and crew members were from.

11. The Heavenly Kid (1985)

Definitely one of the whitest movies ever made.  Not to get all woke or anything, but I believe there are only two people of color in this entire thing, and they're only onscreen for a few seconds.

The Premise: A greaser from the early 60s travels to the 80s to help a zero become a hero.

Where Are They Now?: Lewis Smith went on to found the Actors Academy in Los Angeles.  He also appeared (super) briefly in Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained.

Jason Gedrick went on to star in Iron Eagle.  He's mostly doing TV now.

Richard Mulligan is probably the best-remembered member of the cast.  He'd go on to star in the TV show Empty Nest.  He passed away in 2000.

Overall: I later remembered seeing this on cable when I was a kid.  I'm not surprised I forgot it.  Harmless fun, but too whitebread for its own good.

12. Bloodbath at the House of Death (1984)

The Premise: British horror parody set in an old mansion.

Where Are They Now?: Comedian Kenny Everett, who died of AIDS in 1995, was a complicated figure.  He found fame as a radio personality, but his status as a closeted gay man and his support for a homophobic Conservative Party led to public criticism.

Pamela Stephenson has had a long and varied career.  From stage and screen she transitioned into pop psychology.  Her highest profile movie was probably Superman III, in which she played "Lorelei," and around the same time she was a cast member on Saturday Night Live.

Overall: There are a couple funny scenes but this movie hasn't aged well.

13. Bloodfight (1989)

The Premise: Fighters from around the world (?) convene in Hong Kong for the Free Fighting Championship.

Where Are They Now?: Bolo Yeung will be recognizable from Bloodsport, that most 80s of 80s martial arts action movies, and Bruce Lee's Enter the Dragon.  He's still lurking around the world of low budget fight movies.  His last film was 2017's Diamond Cartel.

Overall: Very boring.

14. The Blue Lightning (1986)

The Premise: Sam Elliot evades strangely resilient bad guys while pursuing an opal across the Australian Outback.

Where Are They Now?: Most recently Elliot appeared in the miniseries 1883, which is a prequel to Yellowstone.

Robert Culp, like Elliot, appeared in a lot of Westerns before his death in 2010.  His last big movie was 1993's The Pelican Brief.

Overall: It has its corny moments (especially Elliot explaining how he's descended from Crazy Horse), but it's not a bad movie.

15. Hamburger: The Motion Picture (1987)

"Ham-burgers!  For Americaaa!!!"

...and what industry would employ "industrial strength laxatives," exactly?  Am I overthinking things yet again?

I'd mostly forgotten this movie, but for whatever reason I remembered "Mrs. Vunk."  Yeah, I was about that age when this appeared on cable.

The Premise: A ladies' man enrolls in Busterburger University in order to receive his inheritance.  An alternate synopsis might be Stripes and/or Police Academy set in "Hamburger University."

Where Are They Now?: Star Leigh McCloskey took a sharp left turn into art, philosophy and the occult.  He's mostly known for his paintings now.

NFL player and commentator Dick Butkus died last year of a stroke.  Besides football he appeared in many films.

Overall: It's goofy fun.  Sure, it'll remind you of other teen sex comedies, but don't they all?

16. Burial Ground (1981)

The Premise: Several people vacationing in an Italian villa attempt to escape zombies in the most random manner possible.

Where Are They Now?: The director, Andrea Bianchi, was making movies up until 1993.  His last movie was 3 Ninjas: Knuckle Up.

Overall: Some of the women are hot and some of the zombies are unintentionally hilarious.  The VHS tape was a fixture at many mom and pop video rental stores back in the day.  The artwork is far more arresting than the actual movie.

17. Joysticks (1983)

The Premise: A wealthy citizen tries to shut down a local arcade.  In theory this is the plot, but it's really more like: setup for gag/gag/setup for boobies/boobies.  Rinse and repeat.

Where Are They Now?: Joe Don Baker's last movie was 2012's Mud.

Overall: It's the same kind of silliness, but I didn't find Joysticks as enjoyable as Hamburger: The Motion Picture.  I enjoyed the shots of arcade games, but the scenes between the games range from awkward to downright confusing.

18. Surviving: A Family in Crisis (1985)

The Premise: Suicide touches the lives of two suburban families.

Where Are They Now?: Ellen Burstyn, Zach Galligan, Molly Ringwald, Heather O'Rourke and River Phoenix.  By 80s standards the cast was stacked.  Galligan had just come off of Gremlins, Ringwald appeared in The Breakfast Club the same year, O'Rourke had already done Poltergeist and Phoenix would do Explorers the same year.

O'Rourke, sadly, passed away from Crohn's Disease in 1988.  Phoenix, brother of Joaquin, died of a drug overdose in 1993.

Galligan and Ringwald are still around, though neither of them are appearing in Hollywood blockbusters.  Ringwald's doing a lot of TV, and Galligan is doing voice work in relation to the Gremlins franchise.

Overall: Even given the subject matter, this TV movie is extremely melodramatic in parts.  Pacing is also a serious issue.  Much of it seems rushed and slightly off the mark.

19. Mutator (1989)

The Premise: An evil corporation creates a monster.

Where Are They Now?: Brion James died in 1999, ten years after this movie was released.  He appeared in many genre pictures between the 80s and 90s: everything from Blade Runner to Tango & Cash.

Overall: It's a combination of bad acting and bad dialogue for sure, but the biggest problem is the story, which takes forever to get going and never generates a sufficient amount of chills.

20. Electric Dreams (1984)

Ah, Virginia Madsen.  She was so radiantly beautiful around the time this movie came out.

And what better time to watch Electric Dreams, in the midst of all these AI-centric discussions?  It's 2024, we're well past what the computer in this film can do, and from the vantage point of the future this movie seems very prescient.

The Premise: A lovestruck loser accidentally creates a computer that can think for itself.

Where Are They Now?: Virginia Madsen did Dune the same year.  Her next big hit was 1992's Candyman.  She was nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for 2004's Sideways and she's done several movies and TV shows since.

Lenny Von Dohlen passed away two years ago, in 2022.  He did some movies and TV after Electric Dreams, his last, best known appearance being in the Twin Peaks TV show.

Fun Fact: The computer in this movie was voiced by Bud Cort, who played "Harold" in Harold & Maude.

Overall: Electric Dreams is adorable.  This film has aged extremely well.

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The Alien Franchise

Still More 80s Movies

Academy Award Winners: 1931-1939

Academy Award Winners: 1929-1930

*This movie was actually filmed in 1974.  It wasn't released until 1980.