1. Captain America: Brave New World
Perhaps the most thoroughly OK (if thoroughly forgettable) movie that Marvel Studios has yet produced. The parts they tinkered with after filming wrapped are obvious, and as a whole the production lacks focus. Oh well Marvel, you can't win 'em all? It's been a weird few years for everyone...
The most compelling character here is probably Harrison Ford's Thaddeus Ross, even though the way in which Sam Wilson defeats him is one of the most contrived plot points ever.
Anthony Mackie has some good moments in this film, and for what it's worth Brave New World increased my appreciation for his character, but I still think the wings + shield combo is a bit much, especially since neither the wings nor the shield obey the laws of physics. The fight scenes that don't involve either the wings or the shield are better, but even so Mackie's character seems lost within his own movie, sidelined behind WAY more interesting characters like Isaiah Bradley, President Ross and even Sidewinder.
A straight-ahead Red Hulk movie would have been more to the point.
2. Mickey 17
Oscar-winning director Bong Joon Ho follows up 2019's Parasite with Mickey 17, a science fiction movie with a wry sense of humor.
I'd seen some of Robert Pattinson's more indie efforts beforehand, and I'd also seen Mark Ruffalo in 2023's Poor Things, so the quirkiness of this film didn't really surprise me. What did surprise me was the narrative sweep of this movie, which encompasses themes ranging from immortality, the nature of the human spirit and the morality of killing.
Mickey 17 isn't bad, but it's a far cry from 2009's Moon, which does a lot more with a lot less. For me the weak point of the film was the dialogue, which relies heavily upon the word "fuck." Parasite it most certainly isn't, but there are some interesting ideas to be found in Mickey 17.
3. The Electric State
The Russo Brothers return with a movie that'll remind you of Ready Player One, and not necessarily in a good way. Chris Pratt offers his standard (if likeable) Chris Pratt performance, while Millie Bobbie Brown continues to channel an entire nation of Swifties. The robots? They range from mildly annoying to extremely so.
This Electric State traffics a fair amount of 80s/90s nostalgia, but beyond that it doesn't have much of a plot to speak of. Robots with their own intelligence are somehow bad, while robots implanted with human intelligences are somehow good. And none of the implicit leaps in AI seem, in this cinematic universe, to have amounted to anything else at all, a fact completely unaccounted for by the movie.
4. Popeye the Slayer Man
"It's the spinach! You need to stop eating it! It's destroying your mind!"
Yes, I actually paid actual money to see Popeye the Slayer Man. No idea why. Guess I was bored.
Thinking about seeing this movie? All I can say is set your expectations low and you won't be disappointed. Popeye has, for the most part, two finishing moves: the skull crush and the forearm snap. He moves really slow, and the people he chases get lost very easily.
5. A Working Man
Jason Statham outing which will remind you a bit of John Wick and maybe also Mandy. Surprisingly enough Sylvester Stallone co-wrote the script, and for director David Ayer it's something of a return to form. I think it packs more punch that The Beekeeper, another recent Statham film.
6. A Minecraft Movie
It's mostly dumb, sometimes funny, extremely colorful and it might just be the respite you need from news of tariffs, gold cards and whatever else Trump is doing (or not doing) now. The star of this movie is definitely Jason Momoa, who steals the show in much the same way he stole the show in Fast X.
Fun Fact: Director Jared Hess's first film was Napoleon Dynamite.
7. The Accountant 2
If you liked the first movie (and who didn't?) you'll like this one too. It starts 8 years after the first one ended, and it stays true to the original characters. I'm not sure that the lighter moments and the darker moments really balance out, but overall it's a good movie and I enjoyed it.
8. The Thunderbolts*
Comic book movie fans rejoice! This one's MILES better than Captain America: New World Order. It does a lot with the Sentry character, and the interplay between the various members of Marvel's anti-hero team is engaging throughout. Florence Pugh and Julia Louis-Dreyfus do most of the heavy lifting here, but former Hellboy David Harbour also adds a lot to this movie.
...and now we just need to wait another two months for the summer's real heavy hitters, James Gunn's Superman and Fantastic Four: First Steps. Of the two movies I'm looking forward to Fantastic Four a lot more. Hopefully it'll be able to capitalize on the momentum built up in Thunderbolts*.
9. Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning
It's alright. My biggest complaints are the overabundance of exposition in the beginning and the fact that it's way too long. The submarine part is cool up to a point, but it grows increasingly implausible once Ethan Hunt considers egress via torpedo tube.
And the airplane stunts near the end? Impressive in their way, but a little too similar to scenes from previous movies.
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10. Final Destination: Bloodlines
Running away from death? Yeah, good luck with that. For what it's worth I'd already seen the other four movies, though I couldn't remember much from any of them.
As horror movies go Bloodlines, is very... OK, but it's not likely to leave a lasting impression. The opening bit in the badly designed tower is somewhat memorable, but upon the release of inevitable future installments you're likely to forget which entry in the series featured this particular tragedy.
My favorite imminent death scene remains that scene in the hardware store from Final Destination... Whatever It Was. Bloodlines fails to top that one, but it's OK in my book.
11. Lilo & Stitch
No, of course I didn't go see it under my own steam. I was dragged into this particular screening by the person I happen to be married to, a person who insisted that after Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning I "owed her one."
OK, whatever. Lilo & Stitch was relatively painless. It was almost funny in parts, and Lilo's older sister is played by a very beautiful actress who's endured online bullying over the fact that she's not 110% native Hawaiian.
As a guy old enough to have taken one of his children to a showing of the 2002 film in the then-local theater, I can confidently assert that this remake adds almost nothing to the original, and that it is in fact only a pale reflection of what we watched in 2002. But we all knew that right? No one was surprised?
12. M3gan 2.0
Not even remotely close to a horror movie, but good nonetheless. It plays with a lot of themes that may be familiar from Avengers: Age of Ultron, Ex Machina and other, more recent treatises on AI, but it's very much its own creature, not unlike its titular protagonist.
And yes, it's MUCH better than the first one. Hats off to whoever wrote the script. This movie could have been a bit shorter, but even so it's much better than it has any right to be.
The critics didn't love M3gan 2.0 but I'm going to disagree with them in this instance. I think that given the bare bones nature of the first installment this film adds a lot to the franchise.
13. K-Pop Demon Hunters
Yes, I'm a 50 year old man and I watched this. What? You got a problem with that?
Going in I thought I'd hate it, but it's not bad at all. The songs are good, and the story offers a good ratio of East to West. It's K-pop without the saddening amounts of plastic surgery and mercenary contract negotiations (or lack thereof), it's the idea of an industry rather than the industry itself, and that approach works well for its 1.5 hour runtime.
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14. Superman
Pros: David Corenswet is a convincing Superman/Clark Kent and Rachel Brosnahan is a convincing Lois Lane. Nicholas Hoult is a more than convincing Lex Luthor. He might even be the best iteration of that character seen thus far on screen.
Cons: This movie is juggling too many characters and it's extremely talky. It's also doing all the heavy lifting with regard to setting up the present and future DC cinematic universe, and at times I wished characters would stop explaining things so much.
Fan Service (or at least what I can remember): There's a sign on the freeway for the exit to Gotham City. Maxwell Lord shows up near the end, and a lot of the "dimensional rift" business might well lead to a multiverse in future movies.
I'm assuming that this "Planetwatch" organization funded by Luthor is a stand-in for Stormwatch, which will eventually develop into The Authority.
Overall: I'd give it a 7 out of 10. Its main flaw is an attempt to do too much in too short a period of time, but it does have many redeeming features and it's the best offering in terms of DC properties in quite a while.
15. Smurfs
Really enjoyed the body horror elements. I was a bit skeptical when Cronenberg was announced as director, but having now seen it I feel compelled to say that he really brought out the surreality of the Smurfs' predicament, while at the same time emphasizing the horror of their estrangement from humanity. That torture scene near the end is intense. Poor Hefty!
OR this is a Rihanna vehicle featuring many of her songs. You be the judge!
Smurfs is very smurfy. Whether by "smurfy" I mean body horror or Rihanna I'll leave you, the viewer, to decide.
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16. Fantastic Four: First Steps
Speaking as someone who's been reading Fantastic Four comics since the early 80s, yeah, this movie completely nails those characters. Reed Richards, Susan and Johnny Storm, and Ben Grimm are all there, on the screen, in living color. You can probably go ahead and forget about all previous cinematic incarnations of these characters, because First Steps outdoes them all.
Which isn't to say it's a perfect movie. Like Superman above it's burdened with a lot of world building, and certain plot elements are a little predictable, but what this film does right it does VERY right, and I appreciate that.
My favorite parts were the scenes in space. Many of these scenes feel like they were ripped directly from John Byrne's run on the characters. There's plenty of Jack Kirby on offer too, with an entire section of the movie devoted to the FF's exploits during their first four years. If this movie stumbles a bit it's only in relation to the Franklin Richards character, whose purpose seems more to set up the future Avengers: Doomsday and Avengers: Secret Wars than anything else.
All of the above said, The Fantastic Four: First Steps is still a finely crafted movie. I really wish I had a Fantasticar, or whatever their spaceship is called, or a H.E.R.B.I.E., or all three.
17. Weapons
The best horror movie I've seen since last year's The Substance, and coming from French horror-addicted me this is high praise indeed. If you go see this movie I highly recommend NOT consulting the internet beforehand. Having the plot spoiled for you will diminish your enjoyment of Weapons by a lot.
I went in completely blind and I loved it. Zach Cregger also wrote and directed 2022's Barbarian, another movie well worth checking out.
18. The Conjuring: Last Rites
I guess this is supposed to be "the final chapter?" But of course in the world of horror we all know how it is, they reel us in with the promise of a last installment, and if this "last installment" makes enough money hey look! The cast and crew are ready to give it another go.
I found Last Rites to be very tedious. They should have killed off Patrick Wilson's character halfway through. That would have made it a lot more interesting.
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19. The Long Walk
Shades of The Running Man, another story traceable to Stephen King.
Yet where The Running Man is straightforward action, The Long Walk is more of a character study, not unlike disaster movies in which conflicting personalities find themselves trapped together and (to some extent) reliant on others to survive.
This movie is getting good reviews, but I found it a bit disappointing. It starts of strong, but the ending doesn't seal the deal. Most people watching The Long Walk will be expecting a soul shattering conclusion given what the main characters endure up to that point, but what we get instead left me feeling a bit cheated.
20. One Battle After Another
This one kind of snuck up on me. I watched it two days ago, thought it was OK, but in the two days since my appreciation of it has increased considerably. Sean Penn in particular stood out for me. Some aspects of his character's arc are so ridiculous that I didn't really see the humor in them at first, but now that I've had a little time to reflect upon his performance I think he totally steals the film.
After watching the movie I also looked up Thomas Pynchon's Vineland on Wikipedia. My feeling is that I'd hate it. I struggled through Gravity's Rainbow years ago, and I have no desire to repeat the experience.
But yeah, One Battle After Another is a great film, and it's very much in the zeitgeist. This tale of Antifa-style revolutionaries fighting Christmas adventurers is by turns funny and worrying, and that's a difficult balance to achieve.
21. Tron: Ares
As far as early reviews go I think critics are being unduly harsh on this one. Many of them are already predisposed to dislike Jared Leto, and hating on certain aspects of this movie is an easy choice.
There are some issues with the story for sure, chief among them being the Eve Kim character, who's very hard to relate to, but Leto does a decent job in this one, and the visuals, especially in the beginning, are stunning.
This said, the real star of this movie is the soundtrack. Nine Inch Nails. It just works.
Tron: Ares definitely has flaws but I found it an entertaining movie. It's also a vast improvement over Tron: Legacy. At this point I doubt we'll see a fourth installment anytime soon, but if we do I'll certainly go and check it out.
22. Frankenstein
I don't usually review Netflix movies here (K-Pop Demon Hunters aside), partly because "movie" is sometimes hard to define in the context of that platform, and partly because most of their productions never see theatrical release. Call me a snob if you will, but I prefer going to movie theaters.
Guillermo del Toro's take on Mary Shelley's classic novel made me a little sleepy. Parts of it look really cool, especially its titular monster, but I never felt there was enough story in this movie to sustain its extensive run time. Mia Goth's affinity for the creature is also a little hard to understand, especially given the expectations placed upon women of that time.
I liked Frankenstein a lot more than The Shape of Water, but I hope that in future projects the director can finally shelve the "women falling in love with monsters" subplot, which he's been exploring for decades. Maybe Frankenstein really is the culmination of every other movie he's done up to this point, and if so, good -- now he can move on to other themes.
23. Predator: Badlands
This movie is so good it made me wish the Alien vs. Predator films had never happened. This was the way to bring the two franchises together, and this was the way to start a new one.
But then again maybe movies like AvP 1 and 2 need to happen so that movies like Predator: Badlands can come to be. Perhaps even movie studios learn from their mistakes, and perhaps, given enough time, even the most mismanaged franchises can produce something good.
In this installment a Predator journeys to an (extremely hostile) alien planet to earn a place in his tribe, along the way befriending a synthetic and an altogether new sort of lifeform. Just don't ask me what happens if a facehugger ever impregnates a Kalisk. That possibility doesn't bear thinking about.
Fun Fact: At the time of writing Arnold Schwarzenegger is still in talks to appear in the next film.
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24. Zootopia 2
Swing on a miss on the theme song. The theme song from the first is almost impossible to top.
Zootopia 2 is most solidly OK movie here. If you're a kid you'll like it, if you're an adult you might like it too. I'm just thankful the fox and the rabbit didn't have babies together at the end. That would have been a bridge too far.
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