Still More 00s Movies 4: 2007-2009

The movies below are ranked from "best" to "worst."

1. Exam (2009)

Several individuals enter a room to pass an exam, the nature of which is open to strenuous debate.  Like Vacancy below Exam is a very tightly paced thriller that'll keep you guessing from beginning to end.  It reminded me a little of 1997's Cube.

Fun Fact: Gemma Chan is in this for a bit.  It was her second movie.

2. Vacancy (2007)

I'm pretty sure I'd seen this before.  Not 100% sure, but it did seem familiar.

Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson star as an estranged couple trapped in a motel room by psychopaths, with Frank Whaley doing a nice turn as the motel's manager.  It will probably remind you of a hundred other noir/suspense films but the script was watertight and the director clearly put a lot of thought into what he was doing.

3. Shrooms (2007)

Mushroom tourism?  Is that a thing?  And would Americans really journey all the way over to Ireland for that purpose?  I haven't done enough drugs to answer those questions.  Maaaaybe?

As you'd expect they venture into the Irish woods for their mushroom excursion.  And no, their trip is not a good one.

For the record I've ingested a hallucinogenic substance exactly one time, and I have absolutely no desire to repeat the experience.  What I felt and saw during that extremely unpleasant evening long ago I have no desire to ever feel or see again.

4. Chicago Overcoat (2009)

A former hitman takes on one last job.  You might remember star Frank Vincent from Goodfellas, and there are a couple character actors from other mob movies in the cast as well.  It doesn't get off to the best start (that scene in the strip club somehow demeans the rest of the movie), but once the main characters are established this film is on firm footing.

Fun Fact: Frank Vincent appeared in three Scorsese movies, these being Raging Bull, Goodfellas and Casino.  Both he and Joe Pesci briefly worked as studio musicians before appearing in movies, and for a time they even performed as a comedy duo known as "Vincent and Pesci."

5. The House Bunny (2008)

I was prepared to hate this gender-flipped update of Revenge of the Nerds, but as it turns out it's very funny.  Anna Faris shows both great promise and great comedic timing in the lead role, and her costar Emma Stone was, in 2008, on the cusp of a storied career in film.

Fun Fact: Beverly D'Angelo is in this.

6. The Burrowers (2008)

Underground dwellers menace settlers in the Dakota Territories.  As Westerns go it's a slow burn, but I liked it a lot.  Reminded me of Bone Tomahawk.

7. Hancock (2008)

I hadn't seen this since it first ran in theaters, and I'd have to say that it's improved a bit with age.  In 2008 most of us were measuring Hancock against films such as Batman Begins, The Dark Knight or even the first Iron Man, and Hancock definitely suffered by comparison.  This said, it's definitely not a bad film and it did try to do something new with the genre.

Fun Fact 1: Before Will Smith took on the lead role, Dave Chappelle was almost cast as Hancock.

Fun Fact 2: The original draft of the script was vastly different from the finished product.  It was a dark, harrowing account of a young boy helping an alcoholic (and suicidal) superhero.  Some of those who read it likened it to Leaving Las Vegas.

8. Superhero Movie (2008)

This parody missed it by that much, didn't it?  It came out the same year as both Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk, but at the time no one knew just how BIG the MCU was going to become.

As it is Superhero Movie mostly riffs on Sam Raimi's Spider-Man trilogy.  Some of the X-men and Fantastic Four characters are in it too, and they're even referenced by name.

It's a mildly funny movie.  If they'd only waited a couple years they would have had a lot more material to work from.

9. 12 Rounds (2009)

Pretty sure I saw this one in the theater.  Pretty sure.  Not 100%.

Whatever the case, John Cena stars as a New Orleans cop pursued by a vengeful terrorist, and it all pans out as you'd expect.  By now we all know that John Cena can carry a movie, but in 2009 this proposition was far from certain, and he turns in a serviceable performance here.

Fun Fact: Renny Harlin directed this.  In case you're not familiar, he was the director behind Die Hard 2, The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (!) and Cliffhanger.

10. Fool's Gold (2008)

Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson trade on their collective sex appeal in this story of sunken treasure off the Florida coast.  Critics hated it, and it didn't make a great deal of money, but it passes by pleasantly enough.

I have to say, however, that the subplot involving Donald Sutherland and his (extremely attractive) daughter is far more interesting than the Spanish gold, McConaughey's faltering marriage, or whatever's going on with Kevin Hart and his goons.  Sutherland steals every scene he's in, and the actress playing his daughter is so hot she manages to make even Kate Hudson look average.

11. Blood and Bone (2009)

Hats off to guys like Michael Jai White and Scott Adkins.  They've burrowed into a very, very specific niche from which they're not likely to emerge.  Super buff martial arts guys in love with complicated fight choreography and practical effects are an endangered species, and conservation efforts are underway.

Blood and Bone is like two thirds of a decent 80s action spectacle separated by a mediocre second third which most won't pay any attention to.  For the record White is a decent actor, and his nemesis in Blood and Bone, Eamonn Walker, is an even better actor, but yeah, that middle part wasn't doing either of them any favors.

12. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009)

Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner star in this update of A Christmas Carol.  If it wasn't for Michael Douglas and Emma Stone this movie would be a lot worse than it is, but given their presence in the cast it's better than it has any right to be.

13. What Happens in Vegas (2008)

Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher get hitched after a night out on the town in Sin City.  It's dumb, it's borderline offensive, but it does muster up a few funny scenes and bits of dialogue.  Critics hated this one too, but it went on to make a lot of money regardless.

Fun Fact: Zach Galliafanakis is in this for a few minutes.  He'd appear in the first Hangover the following year.

14. The Red Baron (2008)

One of the most expensive German films ever made and also one of German cinema's biggest disasters.  Audiences in Germany really weren't feeling the positive spin put on Germany's role in the Great War, and The Red Baron wasn't well received internationally either.  I will say that the aerial battles are amazing, even though the story's a bit thin and the characters are less than engaging.

15. Dead Mary (2007)

Lower budget Canadian film that's a cross between Evil Dead and The Thing.  The cinematography is better than the weak script and indecisive direction deserved.  The first half is promising, but the second half either fails to demonstrate its internal logic or the characters abandon this internal logic entirely.

16. Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)

This movie was a struggle.  Not once during its hour and a half runtime did I laugh.  Not once was I touched by any emotions resembling mirth.  Not once was my interest piqued or my attention arrested.

But of course this movie wasn't made for me.  It was made for schlubbier, more downtrodden guys still convinced they can net a hot girl who's wildly out of their league.  It was made for persons under the age of eighteen and over the age of twelve.  It was perhaps also made for members of foreign communities who don't share my sense of humor.  Whoever falls into this movie's target demographic, I hereby shake you warmly by the hand and congratulate you on discovering and embracing Kevin James, an actor's whose popularity I've never understood.

As for myself I'll be elsewhere, watching other things.  Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2?  I think not!

17. The Blackout (2009)

Either earthquakes trigger an invasion by earwig people or earwig people trigger a series of earthquakes - it's never clear what caused what.  This one's super low budget and might remind you of the far superior Cloverfield.

18. Poker Run (2009)

Like a lot of biker movies there was a good story in there, somewhere, they just failed to bring it out.  Two dudes go on a bike ride with their ladies, run into a couple bad hombres, and a lot of people end up dying.

The funny thing about this movie is the ending.  Not only do they fail to explain what happened to the girlfriend Our Hero was so urgently chasing across California, but the twist at the end makes almost no sense.

19. Static (2008)

Three dumbasses put chips into their brains and develop psychic powers.  Man, this TV movie just crawls by.

20. In the Spider's Web (2007)

Lance Henriksen cashes a modest check while the rest of the cast - to one extent or another - f&*ks around with spiders and finds out.  The CGI in this TV movie has not aged well.

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The movies below are ranked from "best" to "worst."

1. The Grudge 2 (2006)

I'm going out on a limb for this movie, but I think it's very underrated.  It's an American(ized) sequel to the Japanese original, but it retains the same director and tone as the first.  There are some great, spooky moments in it and I really liked how the plot collapses back into itself in the end.  Those more familiar with manga like Uzumaki might get more out of it than most of its intended (American) audience, but I really enjoyed it.

2. La Moustache (2005)

A Frenchman suffers from a bizarre type of retrograde (and anterograde) amnesia, he slips between timelines for no apparent reason, or none of the above.  Whatever this movie's really about, it's French surrealism at its best.

Fun Fact: The "friend at the dinner party," Mathieu Amalric, might seem familiar.  He played James Bond's adversary in Quantum of Solace.

3. Towelhead (2007)

A Lebanese-American girl experiences a sexual awakening in suburban Texas.  Like The Babysitters (below) I think this one deserves a reappraisal.  It deals in some very risky subject matter, and I applaud those involved for attempting it.

If you watch it be prepared - it gets AWKWARD.

Fun Fact: Mario Bello's in this one too!  She appears in The Dark, Flicka and this movie.

4. Proof (2005)

Searching account of a mathematician's daughter and her attempt to cope with grief.  Every now and then I'll see an (older) movie and think: "Gwyneth Paltrow was a pretty good actress," and this film is just another example.  She manages to hold her own against Anthony Hopkins in Proof, and while watching it I was again reminded that she'd probably have a more robust acting career if she wasn't so eccentric.

Surprisingly the weak link here is Jake Gyllenhaal, who isn't given enough to do.  Proof would have been better without his character and the attendant love story he represents.

Fun Fact: John Madden also directed Paltrow in the Oscar-winning Shakespeare in Love several years before.

5. The Babysitters (2007)

Hard to watch this in 2026 and not think about the Epstein Files.

Katherine Waterston, that near-Ripley from Alien: Covenant, stars as a high school student pimping out her female friends.  It resembles a gender-flipped Risky Business, but it works on its own terms and some of its scenes are very memorable.

Critics hated it, but I think it deserves a reappraisal.  It wasn't widely released and those damning scores on sites like Rotten Tomatoes only represent a handful of people.

6. The Dark (2005)

An old spooky house on the Welsh coast, a mother and daughter's strained relationship, and a vanished cult with suicidal tendencies.  There isn't a lot in The Dark that most horror fans won't have seen before (or recently, in movies like The Mummy), but there are a couple disturbing scenes and for this reason alone I recommend it.

7. Bon Cop, Bad Cop (2006)

Extremely Canadian buddy cop movie set between Quebec and Ontario.  You might recognize Colm Feore from the thousand and one films he's appeared in as a character actor.  It covers very familiar territory, but there's a great chemistry between the leads and it never gets boring.

Fun Fact: This movie might be the highest-grossing domestic release in Canadian film history, but some claim that, adjusted for inflation, 1981's Porky's still holds that title.

8. Bridge to Terabithia (2007)

Disney-produced film in which two bullied kids find release in a world of their own imagining.  Josh Hutcherson will be familiar to most moviegoers, and if his costar AnnaSophia Robb rings a bell it's probably because she also appeared in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as "Violet Beauregarde."

9. She's the Man (2006)

Yet another teen adaptation of Shakespeare, in this case the play in question being Twelfth Night.

Films like this require characters who are slow on the uptake, but it works well enough and there are some funny bits.  Amanda Bynes doesn't pull of "dude" so much as "obvious lesbian," but if you're willing to overlook that She's the Man is OK.

It's difficult, however, not to compare this movie to the much earlier Just One of the Guys.  Just One of the Guys wasn't, um... Shakespeare either, but I think it's a better film nonetheless.  "Where do you get off having tits?" is a funnier line than anything you'll see in She's the Man.

10. Memory (2006)

Billy Zane, that movie star that almost was, stars as a doctor who relives his parent's memories after coming into contact with a South American powder that's definitely not cocaine.  I have the feeling that the script was very good, but it was indifferently directed, with several tonal shifts that don't accommodate the story it's trying to tell.  In better hands this movie could have been a hit, but as it is it's a watchable film in which good ideas are squandered.

Fun Fact: Anne-Margret is in this.

11. Just My Luck (2006)

On par with She's the Man above.  Lindsay Lohan stars as a New York girl with good luck, with Chris Pine as a New York boy with bad luck.  OMG they kiss and their luck switches!  You may be able to anticipate the rest.

12. Watching the Detectives (2007)

Cillian Murphy stars as a straitlaced video rental store owner with Lucy Liu as his quirky if manipulative love interest.  They should have cast Murphy's costar Jason Sudeikis in the lead, and as it is this movie goes nowhere fast.

Watching the Detectives went straight to DVD after a a screening at the Tribeca Film Festival.  It is in some ways an interesting failure, but a failure nonetheless.

13. Fun with Dick and Jane (2005)

Jim Carrey tones himself down too much while the rest of the cast desperately tries to make up the difference.  It's a remake of a much better 1977 movie about a husband and wife who turn to crime after losing their jobs.  I laughed maybe twice and kept checking the timer to see how much more of the film remained.

14. Man of the House (2005)

Texas ranger Tommy Lee Jones watches over a house full of cheerleaders for reasons that are never made clear.  The best thing I can say about this movie is that the black and Latina cheerleaders are hot.  I could see it going down better in Texas, but the rest of the country was probably wondering why they bothered.

Just about any gag or joke in this film will have been seen in some other, better film long before.

Fun Fact: One of the writers, Scott Lobdell, is the same Scott Lobdell who wrote all those X-Men comics in the 90s.

15. Peaceful Warrior (2006)

Chicken soup for the soul meets men's gymnastics.  Not sure why men's gymnastics is so particularly meaningful at the protagonist's university but whatever.  Once this movie advanced into astral projection and telepathy I had difficulty taking it seriously.

My dad was a big fan of Way of the Peaceful Warrior, the book that inspired this film.  I haven't read the book, but I have the feeling I'd have a hard time relating to it.

16. Flicka (2006)

If you're the kind of person who grew up (or who is growing up) in the kind of place where people consider cowboy boots, where people deal with livestock, and where people attend rodeos you might relate to this movie.  If you're not then you probably won't.

Maria Bello, who plays the mom in Flicka, also stars in The Dark above.

Fun Fact: This movie has a long, long history.  The film My Friend Flicka was released in 1943, and was based on a novel published in 1941.  The film spawned a TV show which ran from 1956-57.

17. Deepwater (2005)

Movies like this always prove to be the end of someone's career.  In this case it was the end of the line for director David S. Marfield, who doesn't even have his own Wikipedia page.

It was amusing to see the guy from Friday Night Lights and Tokyo Drift (Lucas Black) in another movie, but he struggles against his Alabama drawl and this attempt at film noir is way, way off the mark.  By the time the plot twist came around I couldn't have cared less.

18. I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006)

...and I've already forgotten what they did last summer, even though I just finished the movie.

"The Fisherman" strikes again.  I guess.  It's worth noting that the fourth installment in the series completely ignores this one.

19. The Sandlot 2 (2005)

A sequel to a movie I never liked.  Even so the original is much better than this aborted attempt to recap whatever "magic" the first one had.  James Earl Jones aside, the cast needed a few more acting classes before stepping in front of a camera.  Some of them perform so badly they take you right out of the movie.

For 1972 the soundtrack is a bit off.  "Taking Care of Business?"  Wasn't a hit until the following year.  That kid in the "Sweet" shirt?  Assuming it's a reference to (The) Sweet, they were nowhere near popular enough in the States to warrant a T-shirt at the time.

If you've got kids into baseball just show them The Benchwarmers instead.  It's way sillier, but satisfyingly so.

20. The Man (2005)

Anyone else remember that movie in which Sam Jackson and Eugene Levy starred together?  The one that somewhat resembled 48 Hrs.?  Anyone?  Anyone?

The Man is a trainwreck from start to finish - the single, solitary laugh being the scene where Levy farts in the car.  There are unfunny comedies, there are less than funny comedies, and then there's The Man, which Samuel L. Jackson probably wishes we could all forget.

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As with all the other "Still More..." entries I'll be listing these films from "best" to "worst."

1. Osama (2003)

A girl tries to pass for a boy in Taliban-controlled Kabul.  This movie isn't an easy watch, but it'll likely stay with you long after you've seen it.  It was the first movie filmed in Afghanistan since 1996, and it remains the highest-grossing Afghan film of all time.

A Silver Lining: The star of this film, Marina Golbahan, escaped Afghanistan after Osama's release and now lives in France.

2. We Were Soldiers (2002)

Say what you like about Mel Gibson, he knows his way around a war movie.  This particular war movie follows the U.S. Army into scenic Vietnam, where predictable tragedies occur.

This movie's no Full Metal Jacket or anything, but I think it does a nice job of balancing the soldiers' lives against what their wives were going through at home.  The Viet Minh forces, for that matter, are also shown in a more sympathetic light.

The director, Randall Wallace, also wrote Braveheart and frequently collaborates with Gibson.  At the time of writing he's trying to crack a sequel to The Passion of the Christ, and if that sequel's as bonkers as I hope it will be I'm sure I'll love it.

Fun Fact: Clark Gregg is in this.  It was years before he appeared in Iron Man.

3. Brides (2004)

A group of mail order brides board a steamer for America between the first and second world wars.  It's a slow burn but worth the effort.

4. Suspect Zero (2004)

Aaron Eckhart, a disgraced FBI agent, investigates a serial killer who's not all he appears to be.  The screenplay was a hot property before this movie entered production, even if the end result was a resounding financial disappointment.  

I do think, however, that like The Juror, another film reviewed here recently, this one ought to be reevaluated.  For one thing Ben Kingsley's great in it, and for another thing it offers a novel concept which might have gone over some people's heads at the time.

It's not a perfect movie, but there's a lot to be said for it.  My feeling is that the director could have made it more surreal, psychedelic even, that that kind of imagery could have brought the whole thing together nicely in the film's conclusion.

5. Wicker Park (2004)

Josh Hartnett could have been a much bigger star than he was.  He kept going for noirish movies like Wicker Park and this probably hurt his career.  Sin City?  Oh hell yes, but much of the rest of his output in the early to mid 2000s wasn't very good.

In this remake of the French L'Appartement Hartnett stars as an indecisive young man stalking his ex-girlfriend through the streets of Chicago, with a freshly minted Rose Byrne as a woman entangled in their thwarted love affair.

Critics despised this movie, and yes, the coincidences which pile up are a bit hard to take, but I think it was well put together and deserves a second look.  The original is probably better, but this version also has its merits.

6. Hulk (2003)

It's one of the clunkiest comic book movies ever made, but keep in mind that back in 2003 there weren't a lot of other examples to draw from.  Sam Raimi's Spider-Man had come out, but up to that point the other big comic book movies consisted of 1989's Batman, its sequels and the Superman movies.

Ang Lee and his scriptwriters were cutting from whole cloth, and this production had a very troubled history to boot.  The dialogue is on par with the creature features of a much earlier decade, some of Hulk's backstory is butchered, and much of the plot relies upon Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross making inexplicable decisions.

There's also that "drama class" scene near the end, which is both ridiculous and completely out of left field.  "Oh yeah, never mind the fighting we were doing just minutes ago.  Let's give Bruce a moment alone with his father!"

With all of that said I still think that Hulk is an inventive movie with some redeeming features.  Eric Bana might not have done as much with the character as Ed Norton, but he's a solid lead and the cast is definitely stacked.  Jennifer Connelly and Sam Eliot also deserved awards for mouthing some of those lines with straight faces.

I can remember seeing this one in the theater.  My verdict back then?  I gave it a passing grade.  My verdict now?  It's still worth seeing.  It might be a failure in some respects, but it's an interesting failure nonetheless.

Fun Fact 1: Sam Eliot appeared in this the year after We Were Soldiers (above).  In both movies he plays an Army Ranger.

Fun Fact 2: A sequel incorporating Grey Hulk, the Abomination and the Leader was planned and quickly shelved when Universal failed to meet its 2004 deadline to start filming.

7. S.W.A.T. (2003)

I can remember seeing posters for S.W.A.T. in the theater after seeing Hulk (above).

In S.W.A.T. Samuel L. Jackson assembles a team of... non-Avengers in his battle against crime.  In this endeavor he's joined by fellow Marvel alumnus Jeremy Renner and Colin Farrell, whose career was in something of a death spiral at the time.

The first thing that struck me about this movie is how YOUNG Jackson, Renner and Farrell look in it.  Then again it was 23 years ago, so yeah, that tracks.

As cop movies go it's not bad.  Extremely formulaic, yes, but not bad.  If nothing else Michelle Rodriguez is very beautiful, and I enjoyed watching her scenes.  Her specific role in this movie?  Uh... don't ask me, I was distracted by the tank top.

Fun Fact: Developed from a 70s TV show, this movie went through its share of development hell before entering production.  At one point Arnold Schwarzenegger was attached to star, then Mark Wahlberg, then Paul Walker.  At one point Zack Snyder was also announced as director, though he left soon after to do Dawn of the Dead.

8. Noel (2004)

If you've ever wondered how good actors can elevate what would otherwise be a mediocre film this is one to watch.  Susan Sarandon leads a stacked cast in this somewhat unconventional Christmas movie, with Robin Williams turn as a former priest being the highlight of the film.

Fun Fact: Noel was was marketed using disposable DVD technology by Flexplay, a prominent rental franchise at the time.  This strategy was an abysmal failure.

9. Anger Management (2003)

I've started and stopped this film so many times.  I finally watched it straight through recently.  It's not bad.  Jack Nicholson's character is interesting, and Adam Sandler holds his own as the straight man.  It's not hilarious or anything, but as comedies go it's miles better than some other examples of the genre listed below.

10. Take Away (2003)

Australian movie in which the owners of two fish and chips shops team up to fight the local branch of a nationwide burger chain.  Take Away was never going to win any awards, but its funny moments are still, for the most part, funny.

Fun Fact: Rose Byrne is in this.  I had no idea she was Australian!

11. I Spy (2002)

Owen Wilson and Eddie Murphy star in this largely unfunny adaptation of the 60s TV show.  To give Murphy some (possibly undeserved) credit, he actually is funny in this movie, but in terms of plot and character development it goes absolutely nowhere fast.

Fun Fact 1: The 60s show featured Robert Culp and Bill Cosby.  Knowing what we now know about Cosby, I kinda hope they take another pass at the concept.

Fun Fact 2: Famke Janssen appeared in this between X-Men and X2: X-Men United.

12. D.E.B.S. (2004)

Low budget, girl-centric take on the spy genre which leans heavily on the physical attractiveness of its leads.  It'll probably remind you of nothing more than a slightly more mature version of the Spy Kids franchise.  Jordana Brewster had already appeared in The Fast and the Furious and Devon Aoki would later appear in Sin City.

Fun Fact 1: Director Angela Robinson later helmed Professor Marsten and the Wonder Women, a very overlooked movie.

Fun Fact(s) 2: Both Jordana Brewster and Devon Aoki have interesting backgrounds.  Brewster is half-Panamanian, and her Brazilian mother appeared on a 1978 cover of Sports Illustrated.  She's also a direct descendant of two passengers aboard The Mayflower.

Devon Aoki is the daughter of wrestler Rocky Aoki, owner of the Benihana restaurant chain and publisher of Genesis magazine.  She was a celebrated model before her appearances in a handful of films.  She retired from acting in 2009.

13. Doing Hard Time (2004)

Extremely derivative prison movie featuring some truly terrible acting.  The lead (i.e. the guy who has the most screen time) is good, but the "lead" (i.e. the guy who comes first in the credits) is so awful that his performance almost brings the entire film crashing down.

Fun Fact: That line about "Tony Montana" is a reference to the movie Scarface, in which actor Steven Bauer played Tony's best friend, "Manny Ribera."  He's only in Doing Hard Time for a handful of scenes.

14. Daddy Day Care (2003)

During the year in which Hulk rampaged through San Francisco the Flash was racing through Eddie Murphy's living room.  Daddy Day Care is a lot more cohesive than I Spy (above), but for all its cohesiveness it's even less funny.  It was, of course, aimed squarely at kids, but there are plenty of kid's movies that adults can also enjoy.

15. Big Trouble (2002)

Dave Barry - remember him?  In case you don't he was a noted humorist at the time, his syndicated column appearing in newspapers all over the States.  Come to think of it, newspapers - remember those?

Tim Allen, an actor I've always found annoying, stars in this big screen adaptation of one of Barry's novels.  It's all very Pulp Fiction-y, right down to a mysterious case that various characters lug around.  Heavy D's and Omar Epps' scenes are amusing, but the rest of this film is a real drag.

It was, like I Spy above, a massive bomb.  Tim Allen would live to fight another day, but I doubt many studios were banking on him after this point.

A Red Flag: Check the runtime: 1 hour and 17 minutes.  With the possible exception of lower-budget horror, any feature film shorter than 1 hour and 30 minutes made after the 70s is probably bad.

16. Uncle Nino (2003)

An estranged Italian uncle brings an American family back together.  A better screenplay would have had the rest of the family veer further away from the self-absorbed father's wishes, but as it is they all mope around and suffer his wrath in silence.

Not sure if this movie was extolling the virtues of family or repression.  What I do know is that after this movie and Laguna I'll be wary of Joe Mantegna vehicles in the future.

17. Until the Night (2004)

Norman Reedus of The Walking Dead appears in this for a bit, but it's a hard, pretentious watch that'll make you wish for zombies.  It reminded me a little of Sex, Lies and Videotape, though Steven Soderbergh's film is a far better effort.

18. Cheaper by the Dozen (2003)

Steve Martin, another actor I find consistently irritating.

This movie's a desert entirely devoid of laughter.  Hanging in the sky is Steve Martin's smug face, with not even the smallest chuckle in sight.  You're tired, you're bewildered, you're thirsty for laughter, but you somehow know that mirth is not to be had in a place such as this.

Is Steve Martin concerned about your predicament?  Not in the slightest!  He's already cashed the check.  He's already on to his next underwhelming movie.  Fare thee well, traveler.  Good luck... you'll need it.

19. A Walk to Remember (2002)

Insipid teen romance involving a small town, peer pressure, angsty, angsty late 90s and early 00s Alternative music, and THE LORD.  It was adapted from a Nicholas Sparks novel, so if you've seen The Notebook you'll know where you stand with this one.

This movie, unlike some others discussed here, was a financial success.  It made over $47 million against a $11 million budget.

20. Garfield: The Movie (2004)

Bill Murray voices an unconvincing CGI cat in this adaptation of a comic strip that you might remember but probably don't think about much (if at all) in 2026.  And somehow this movie made a TON of money!  Go figure!

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