The Hulk's Less Threatening Foes

All the Hulk really wants is some alone time.

But instead of just leaving him be, the U.S. military is always shooting missiles at him, making other Hulks out of his DNA, or otherwise getting in his face.  It's a sad thing, really, especially since Leaving Hulk Alone would be the best national defense strategy ever.

And on top of the U.S. military and General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross, there are all these other guys trying to get in on some of that Hulk action.  Guys like The Leader.  Guys like The Absorbing Man.  Even guys like Iron Man, who should probably just stay home and stop trying to shoot Hulk into space.

Some of these characters are better known than others.  Offered here is a short list of Hulk's lesser known foes.

1. The Follower

The Follower's power is gamma-enhanced stupidity.  He'll occasionally try to build super weapons to fight the Hulk, but these super weapons are always shoddily constructed and never work.  While his dreaded Lego Gun was a source of irritation to the Hulk, in the end it didn't hurt him at all, and it caused the Hulk to remove The Follower's diminished head from his body.

2. The Transmuting Man

The Transmuting Man's power is the ability to transform other, inanimate objects into his own human tissue.  In other words, if he touches a rock it becomes this ball of living, pulsating flesh.  When battling the Hulk, he will often transform nearby vehicles into blobs of neurons or (at best) skeletal tissue that he's unable to lift.  It's a disgusting power, really, and this is why The Transmuting Man isn't invited to more super villain parties.

3. Ladyboy Hulk

After a drug and alcohol-fueled weekend in Bangkok, Bruce Banner's attempt to "party like it was 1999" resulted in Thailand's first super villain, Ladyboy Hulk.  Although green and super strong, Ladyboy Hulk prefers karaoke and Celine Dion recordings to battles with the Hulk.  Bruce Banner is Facebook friends with Ladyboy Hulk, though he continues to list his relationship status as "complicated."

4. Doc Phil

Thinking that relationship issues were what drove the Hulk to his acts of destruction, General Ross used Bruce Banner's gamma technology to create Doc Phil, a sensitive, balding version of the Hulk.  Appearances to the contrary, Doc Phil quickly proved himself to be one of the Hulk's greatest foes, and after appearing on his television show, the Hulk was brought to tears by the gamma-enhanced psychiatrist.

5. The Green(er) Hulk

Unknowingly exposed to gamma radiation while aboard the Rainbow Warrior, the Green(er) Hulk is an environmentally aware, super strong citizen of the Earth.  While acting against the military-industrial complex and corporations everywhere, the Green(er) Hulk is also displeased with the Hulk's acts of environmental destruction.  He never actually fights the Hulk, but rather lectures him on the benefits of "going greener, going vegan, and lowering your carbon footprint."  Such lectures have often driven Hulk to the brink of suicide.

6. Ang Lee

The deadliest of Hulk's many adversaries, Ang Lee often attempts to cast the Hulk in sensitive, character-driven films with lots of dialogue.  All the scenes featuring the Hulk in Ang Lee's movie were filmed against the Hulk's will, and were actually attempts to kill the director, filmed without the Hulk's knowledge.

7. Other Villains

I would also be remiss if I left out the J-Foes, who are just like the U-Foes except they come from Japan, the Rainbow Hulk, who is not only "proud" but also married to Flash nemesis Rainbow Raider, and The Thang, member of the Funkadelic Four, who plays bass and sings backup on "Mothership Connection."

"Essential Hulk Volume Three" by Stan Lee and Others

I'm not sure when these comics first came out.  I'm guessing in the late 1960s.  Stan (the man) Lee wrote some of them.  Herb Trimpe and Sal Buscema drew most of them, and it would seem that Sal Buscema was new to Marvel at this time.

Another reason that I'm guessing 1960s is that Doctor Strange appears in the first half of this collection, and his "astral form" in this issue is different from that seen in later Doctor Strange comics.  The Rhino and the Absorbing Man are new characters here, with the Absorbing Man having just appeared in the pages of Thor.

I really enjoyed this one.  Compared to the 1980s X-men I just finished, these comics were a breath of fresh air.  The plots are simple, the art is bold, and the Hulk is busy smashing his way through adversary after adversary.  The writing in these comics is very consistent.  They are writing and drawing to a formula, but the formula works.

Reading this, it's easy to see how Marvel overshadowed DC during the latter part of comics' Silver Age.  DC comics were also driven by some great ideas during this same time, but Marvel always had that moral ambiguity that DC lacked.  The DC universe was, for most of its history, a universe of black and white, good and evil.  In the Hulk and other Marvel comics, however, we find a universe where black is sometimes white, and good is often evil.  The early Hulk comics epitomize this trend, and it is easy to see why comic book readers of the time responded to it.  Marvel was, in its way, more authentic.

I'm hoping I come across more of these Essential Hulks in the future.  I would be eager to read more!

The Avengers

I am dying to see "The Avengers" next year.  Given my fondness for comic books this is to be expected.

I've seen all the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) films at least twice, and if you'll excuse my language, I can't fucking wait for this one.  What?  Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, and the Hulk in the same movie?  Fuck... YEAH!

As far as the MCU films go, I'd have to say that Captain America was the best of them all.  The Incredible Hulk was a close second, and Iron Man 1 and 2 a distant 3rd. 

I thought Thor was just OK.  It could have been a much better movie, if directed by a less Shakespearean director.  When I heard they were making a Thor movie, "Conan the Barbarian" was the first film that popped into my head.  "Yeah," I thought, "If they just make it like Conan, that will kick ass!"  Unfortunately for me, Kenneth Branagh was thinking of King Lear.

As matters now stand, we have about four months to wait for "The Avengers."  You can be damn sure that I'll be seeing it on the first weekend it appears in Taiwan.  The last movie I was in a rush to see was "Tron Legacy," and what a disappointment that was.  Compared to that disaster, "The Avengers" HAS to be better.

A lot of people are comparing this film to the next big DC film, "The Dark Knight Rises," but for me that's just apples and oranges.  The recent Batman films are going for a gritty realism that Marvel would be wise not to imitate.  It works for Batman, but not as well for a big green angry man and a Norse deity. 

Besides, the next Batman will be a film that critics love, but which most moveigoers will only see once.  "The Avengers," if made well, will be the movie we want to see over and over again.